Calvin and Hobbes: The Movie REWRITTEN
by Swing123
Summary: co-written with garfieldodie. Moe threatens Calvin to attend a summer camp for the sole purpose of beating him up. And after he and Hobbes arrive, they find themselves at the center of an alien invasion. COMPLETE!
1. Summer Nightmare

_**Swing123's intro:**__ This is a remake of my one of my very first stories on Fanfiction, __Calvin and Hobbes: The Movie__. After reading it again for the first time in quite a while, I figured I could probably do better, now. So, putting every shred of my effort into it, the way I'd _really _want to see it in the theaters, I have rewritten the entire movie. And this one, only, I'm not remaking _Lost at Sea_, or _Double Trouble

_Also, you'll notice that in the original _Calvin and Hobbes: The Movie_, Earl's crews of aliens are actually intelligent and viscous. When we move into the second movie, _Lost at Sea_, they begin to get lazy and less attentive and in _Double Trouble_, they're the morons we all know them as today. This remake shall include the alien crew being incredibly stupid and moronic, just like in any of my other of my stories._

_ Also, I don't want to set off a chain reaction, here. I really don't want everyone to be rewriting _their_ Calvin and Hobbes movies just because I am. So... don't. OK?  
_

_One more thing and then I'll shut up. This story will still be taking place at the same time as the last one: The summer after the last strip. Therefore the Time Pauser, MTM, Mini Duplicator and all the other inventions have not been made yet and Socrates, Dr Brainstorm, Jack and the others have not met Calvin and Hobbes, yet._

_And now, without further a due, I give you the new and improved __Calvin and Hobbes: The Movie. All criticism is welcome.  
_

* * *

It was a regular day in a semi-regular neighborhood. 

Except for one particular detail.

It was the beginning of summer.

A school bus rolled down the small street, until it came to a yellow house on the edge of the block.

Slowly, the bus came to a stop at the front of the sidewalk.

The very second the bus came to a standstill, there was a large explosion from the doors.

"I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!" Calvin screeched at the top of his lungs.

Nearly ripping to doors off their hinges, Calvin flew down the sidewalk and came to a direct stop at the front of the door.

He spun around and faced the bus.

"HA HA!!" He screamed at it. "You tried and tried to break my will! You thought I'd crack!! You thought you'd drive me over the brink!!! _BUT I DIDN'T!!!!!_ You've failed! _FAILED!!!!!_"

The bus driver rolled his eyes and closed the bus doors.

Calvin watched it go.

"Look at it run..." He growled.

Then he whirled around back to the door.

"THE BEST DAY OF THE YEAR, besides Christmas, of course, HAS ARRIVED!!!! SUMMER IS HERE!!!!"

He yanked the door opened.

"TALLY-HO!!!!" He screamed.

_POW!!!_

Suddenly, something orange collided with Calvin, sending him flying in the other direction.

"AAAAAAAAAAUUGH!!!!" Calvin screamed, as he and Hobbes went plowing into the dirt.

There was a long moment of silence.

Hobbes was the first to climb out and dust himself off.

"Another successful greeting." He decided, examining the trail of dirt that lead from the front door to their current location.

Calvin, who was beat up and covered in dirt, climbed out of the hole and rubbed the dust out of his eyes.

Then, he turned an evil look onto the tiger.

"Thanks a lot, you maniacal cat!" he spat. "Look how far away from the house we are, now!!!"

"Calvin, we're twenty feet from the house." Hobbes said.

"EXACTLY! TWENTY FEET! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WALK TWENTY FEET TO GET TO THE HOUSE!!!"

"Uhhhh..." Hobbes began.

"I'm a very busy man! I don't have time for walking!!"

Hobbes heaved a sigh.

"And to make matters worse, I HAVE TO CROSS THE ROAD!! Who has time to cross a road!!!"

"Calvin, if you don't mind, I'm just going to leave, now."

"OH YES I DO MIND!!" Calvin hollered. "I'm in a bad mood and you're going to hear all about it!!_ SIT DOWN!!!_"

Hobbes sighed and sat down.

"First of all, you caused me to forget all about the first day of summer! So you'll pay for that!!! second of all, I managed to get through today without Moe beating me up and then you did _that!!!_ You'll pay for that, too!!!! Third of all..."

At that very moment, the wind picked up and started blowing the trees and bushes around.

Calvin and Hobbes looked around as the trees and bushes all started leaning in the direction the wind was going.

"Heavy wind." Hobbes commented.

Suddenly, a large high pitched shrill emitted from Calvin's backpack.

"AAAUGH!" Hobbes screamed, leaping into the air, and covering his head.

Calvin shouted, as well, and threw his pack off.

He unzipped it, and looked inside.

"What is that?!" Hobbes demanded.

Calvin rooted through the junk in his backpack, and finally pulled out a small box.

"Oh, here it is, it's my long distance walki talki. I took it to school for show and tell." He paused. "A couple weeks ago, actually, what the heck is it still doing in here?"

"Never mind." Hobbes said, holding his ears. "Can you shut it up?"

"Nope. I have no idea what's wrong with it." Calvin replied, shaking the walki talki, as the screech continued to emit from it.

"CALVIN!!!" Hobbes screamed.

Just then, as suddenly as it started, the wind stopped.

And, right on cue, the shrill from the walki talki died down too.

There was a moment of silence.

"Huh." Calvin said. "Anyway, where was I?"

Hobbes stared at him for a long moment.

He sighed.

"You were about to give me reason number three on why your in a bad mood." He said, glaring at the walki talki, which Calvin threw back into his bag.

"Ah, now I remember." Calvin said. "THIRD OF ALL, Moe is a big fat ugly toad and his mother is a compost pile and he has a chopped up ham for a brain and he's..."

"Right behind you." Hobbes yawned.

There was another moment of silence.

Fourth one of the day in case your keeping track.

Calvin stared at Hobbes.

Finally, he spoke.

"Hobbes, that's ridiculous! Moe is pretty stupid, but he'd never come within twenty feet of my house!"

"Now that I think about it, we might be twenty one feet." Hobbes considered, staring back at the house.

"Exactly! Therefore is impossible for that ugly gorilla to be behind me right now! Besides, he goes to that summer camp. Camp Pine Tree or some such nonsense, therefore he has to be home at whatever hole in the dirt he lives in, packing all his dead squirrels and severed hands, since summer camp lasts all summer long!!"

"Summer camp only lasts two weeks, Calvin."

"Whatever! It is physically impossible for Moe to be behind me right now! Now shut up so I can continue to complain about him!"

Suddenly, Calvin became aware of a large finger tapping him of the shoulder.

Calvin spun around.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT, YOU CREEP!!!" He screamed. "This had better be good, or else I'll..."

Calvin paused.

Moe was standing in front of him, glaring at him through his overgrown hair and his mini gang behind him.

Have we ever discussed Moe's gang? Maybe so, but it's been a long time. Moe's gang consisted of two members. A kid about as tall as Moe with blond hair, a green basketball T-shirt and black jeans and another smaller kid that wore his cap on backwards, with black hair, a yellow T-shirt and blue jeans. Calvin didn't know their names, but they were just as cruel and weird as Moe.

Oh and they never talk. I don't why, but they never do.

Calvin stared at Moe for a long time, then whirled around back to Hobbes.

"Hobbes, I blame you for all of this."

Then, he spun back around to Moe.

"Moe, let me begin by discussing the Declaration of Independence, which clearly states that anyone has the right to free speech and their own opinion."

Moe began cracking his knuckles.

Calvin stared.

"Let me also say that you're breaking all of our treaties and agreements by coming within twenty feet of my house and I must warn you that I have a lawyer for a father and he can sue you for all you owe!"

"Twinky, I'm here because you missed out on your daily beating. And this was the last day of school. And that's the most important beating of all."

"Huh." Calvin said. "Well, let me state that you had your chance to beat me up, today, but you blew it. I won, fair and square."

"You deliberately spent recess and lunch in the classroom." Moe said.

"Do have any evidence to back that up?" Calvin asked.

"Listen, twinky, I'm in a good mood, today, so I'll let you off the hook for a dollar."

"A DOLLAR!!" Calvin hollered. "I don't have that kind of money! What do I look like, a bank teller?!? What happened to the regular quarter?"

"I raised the price, because of all the insults you threw at me." Moe said.

"I see..." Calvin began. "Well, let me just take Hobbes into the house here and I'll fetch you a dollar."

Calvin turned around and walked towards Hobbes.

Suddenly, Moe's two buddies stepped in Calvin's way.

Calvin stared at them.

He spun back to Moe.

"Very well, Moe, I shall be forced to resort to desperate measures." He said.

"You mean begging?" Moe asked.

"Right." Calvin nodded.

He dropped to his knees, held his hands up and began moaning.

"PLEASE DON'T KILL ME, MOE!!! I don't have any money! I'm broke! I'm bankrupt!! I can't pay my nonexistent debts!! PLEASE HAVE MERCY!!!!"

Moe stared at him.

Then, he motioned for his crew to come here and they discussed the situation in whispers.

Calvin cut his eyes around.

It was then that he noticed that Hobbes had vanished.

His eyes narrowed and he muttered to himself, "Stupid cat."

Finally, Moe and his gang turned back to Calvin.

"Okay, Twinky, I'll let you live..."

"HEAVEN!! I'M IN HEAVEN!! " Calvin sang, throwing his arms to the sky.

"...on one condition."

Calvin's eyes blanked out.

"You have to attend Camp Pine with me."

Moe's gang began chuckling.

Calvin stared at Moe for a long time.

"And what would be the point of that?" He asked.

Moe raised his fist.

"You're going to be my personal punching bag." He grinned, putting a punch into his palm.

Calvin continued to stare at Moe.

"And if I don't go?" He asked.

Moe bent down to Calvin's eye level.

"You'll never see the light of day, again." He growled.

Calvin's eyelids lowered.

"Moe, what's the point of not killing me now if your just going to kill me when I go to summer camp?" He asked.

Moe paused, as if thinking about that.

Then, he raised his fist.

"You're saying you want to be clobbered, now?" He asked.

"No, of course not. See you at Camp Pine, old buddy, old pal..." Calvin grinned.

"Good."

Moe and his gang then turned around and started walking in the other direction.

Calvin watched them go.

* * *

When he walked into the house, he found Mom in the living room, talking on the phone. 

Calvin ignored her and began shuffling towards the stairs.

"Okay, thank you." She said. "Goodbye."

Mom hung the phone up and cleared her throat.

"Calvin!" She called.

There was a moment of silence.

"CALVIN!!" She called, again.

Again, there was no answer.

"CAAAALLVIN!!" She called a third time.

Nothing.

"_**CALVIN! GET DOWN HERE!!!**_" She screamed, finally.

Calvin slowly climbed down from the stairs and walked towards Mom.

"Death row, next in line speaking." He said.

Mom rolled her eyes.

"Calvin, I just wanted to tell you I've signed you up to a summer camp."

Calvin stared at his mother for a long time.

"Very nice." He said, finally. "Don't bother to consult _me._"

"Well, I knew you were just going to say no, so why should I?" Mom replied.

"Uh huh, and let me guess." He said. "It's called Camp Pine?"

Mom's eyes popped open, surprised.

"How did you know that?" She inquired.

"I've been physically intimidated and threatened to be there."

"Uh huh." Mom said. "Anyway, I have the brochure, here, if your interested."

Mom handed Calvin a small booklet.

"Thanks, Mom," Calvin said, expressionlessly. "This will make excellent final reading."

Calvin took the booklet and walked up the stairs with it.

"If you need me, I'll be up in my room, writing my will." He called.

Calvin slammed his door behind him.

Mom rolled her eyes.

"Those child psychology books were such a waste of money." She sighed.


	2. Runnaway Tiger

Hobbes was sitting in Calvin's bedroom, reading a Captain Maim comic book. 

When he heard heavy footsteps pounding up the stairs, he quickly closed the comic book and hid it under the pillow.

Hobbes cleared his throat, sat up and watched the door.

He expected to see Calvin all beat up. Ya know, black eye, tattered clothes, small limp in right leg, continuous insults that threaten to bring the bully back, stuff like that.

He was, however, shocked to see Calvin enter the room in perfect condition.

He stared at him.

"Why, hello, Calvin." he said. "Did I miss something?"

Calvin glared at him.

"YES YOU'VE MISSED SOMETHING!!!!" He screamed. "HOW ON EARTH DO YOU MANAGE TO SNEAK AWAY LIKE THAT EVERY TIME... Never mind! I don't even want to know!"

"That's good, because I wasn't going to tell you." Hobbes said, quietly.

"_WHAT?!?!_" Calvin shrieked.

"I said, OK. Fine with me." Hobbes replied.

Calvin glared daggers at Hobbes and stormed over to his desk.

He threw his backpack across the room onto a chair, which flipped over backwards onto the floor, and began ruffling through his desk drawer.

Hobbes watched him, confused.

"Calvin, allow me ask why you're so angry?" He inquired, scratching his head. "You just escaped Moe without a mark and it's the first day of summer. What's wrong?"

"What's wrong, is that Moe has death threatened me to attend some stinky summer camp for the sole purpose of beating me up! _THAT'S WHAT'S WRONG!!!!_"

"Uh huh." Hobbes said. "And, is there any particular reason why you can't go?"

"Because Mom has conveniently already signed me up for it." Calvin sighed, starting to calm down. "I don't know what I'm going to do, Hobbes. If I go, Moe kills me. If I don't go... well, Mom's already signed me up, so it's too late to explore that region of possibility."

"That's pretty tragic, Calvin." Hobbes said, pretending to be sympathetic. "What are you going to do?"

Calvin walked over to his closet.

"Only thing I can do." He said, opening the door and ruffling through all his clothes. "Complain and whine about it until it's time to go."

Calvin pulled out a large, bright blue duffel bag, which was about half as long as Hobbes' height.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the brochure for the camp.

"I have two days to pack and complain to Mom about signing me up." He said. "That won't be nearly enough time."

Hobbes' eyes went from Calvin to the duffel bag in his hands.

"What's that for?" He asked.

"Packing, what do you think?" Calvin grunted, as he began shoving all the clothes he could reach into it.

Hobbes watched him for a moment.

"Do you have any other bags?" He inquired, watching Calvin throw everything in the closet into it.

"No. I just have this one." Calvin replied.

There was a moment of silence.

"It's a pretty small bag." He said.

"Yep." Calvin replied.

"Real small."

"You betchya."

There was another pause.

"Come to think of it, a little too small to be holding all the contents of your closet and not even start to bulge." Hobbes said, finally, starting to get annoyed.

"Yeah, that's pretty odd." Calvin replied.

He had now completely cleaned out his closet and nothing remained but a few coat hangers and some cotton balls in the corner.

Calvin shut the closet door and effortlessly picked the duffel bag up and walked over to his desk with it.

Hobbes sighed.

"Perhaps, for my sanity, an explanation is in order?" He said, crossing his arms.

"Sure, why not?" Calvin yawned, as he began cleaning out the drawers in his desk. "It's a prototype for a genius invention."

"Uh huh." Hobbes said, rolling his eyes.

"You see, Hobbes, I have managed to create a portal that leads straight into the great unknown! Or basically just an empty dimension, I found fiddling the Time Machine."

"Uh huh." Hobbes said.

"This empty dimension, you see, is so incredibly huge, that I can store an infinite amount of anything and everything into it of whatever size or density! So I began thinking, why not create a storage object that will inventory whatever I please! It can be as small as a speck of dust, or as large as a blue whale!"

"Uh huh."

"It's a scientific breakthrough, I'm sure, but until I can cram the portal into this thing," Calvin pointed at a small, green, cubical box. "I have to use this duffel bag."

"Huh."

Calvin grabbed the juice box and threw it into the bag.

"Might as well work on that when Moe isn't killing me." He said to himself.

"So in other words you've made another death trap invention that involves a totally different universe, that _appears_ to be empty, but soon have mutant kangaroos coming out of it and destroying the planet with the laser beams being shot from their noses?" Hobbes said, putting his hands on his hips.

"Yep, pretty much, ya wanna help me out, here? I have a lot to pack." Calvin said, glaring at his tiger companion.

Hobbes sighed.

Two days went by.

By this time, Calvin hand managed cram almost everything he owned into his prehistoric hypercube and soon, the only thing remaining in his room was his bed, his desk, his rug and a couple of chairs.

His parents did not bother to ask Calvin how he managed to pack everything away, knowing they wouldn't get a straight answer.

* * *

"Well, Calvin," Mom said, going over the brochure, again the night before the camp began. "Are you excited about going to summer camp, tomorrow?"

Calvin, who was slumped over in the chair in the living room, cut his eyes from the TV to his mother, who was sitting in a chair next to him, flipping through the small booklet, grinning.

"Well, if by excited you mean horrified and near the brink of insanity then, yes! I am excited! I'm overcome with excitement!"

Mom rolled her eyes.

"You shouldn't be so nervous, Calvin." She said. "Summer camp is a lot of fun. They always have a lot of fun activities lined up."

"Oh right." Calvin said, turning back to the TV. "Activities such as, Eject Calvin into the Stratosphere, Twist Calvin into a Pretzel and See How Far Calvin's Fingers Can be Folded Back the Wrong Way!"

"Right." Mom said, dully, putting the booklet. "Anyway, time for bed."

"Sure, you just can't wait to get rid of me, huh!" Calvin shouted, pumping his fist into the air. "You'll be sorry once I come home missing limbs! You'll come to pick me up and three of my toes will be missing, patches of my hair will be burned and charred to singes, my internal organs will all be in the wrong places and I'll be missing one of my eyeballs!"

"Uh huh." Mom said, standing up. "Come on, let's go."

Calvin put up a huge fight and for a while, refused to go to bed.

It took Mom fifteen minutes to finally get him into his room and another fifteen minutes to get him to stay in bed.

"Now go to sleep!" Mom grumbled, after finally tying him to the bed with the sheets. "You need to get up early, tomorrow."

"That's great Mom, wake me up early on my FINAL DAY ON THE PLANET!!!" Calvin declared. "I refuse to go to sleep! I'm going to stay up and glare at the door all night!!"

"Fine, glare at the door all night!" Mom sighed. "Just be ready to get dressed tomorrow and gather up all your things. Goodnight."

And with that, Mom switched the light off and closed the door.

Calvin grumbled to himself and turned to Hobbes, who was trying to sleep on the other side of him.

"Can you believe this, Hobbes? It's the beginning of summer! I should be sleeping in to one in the afternoon! But NOOOOOO!!! Mom put me to bed early so I could get up early and be sent off to my impending doom! Doesn't she have a heart? Doesn't she love me anymore? What did I do to her to deserve all this!! Hobbes, are you listening to me?!"

"I don't have much of a choice, do I?" Hobbes growled, squeezing his eyes shut tighter and pulling the covers over his head.

"Oh, were you trying to sleep?!" Calvin yelled. "I'M _SO_ SORRY!!!"

Calvin spent the next hour complaining to himself about all the injustices in the world, before finally he decided to pull the covers up and try to get some sleep.

Calvin, luckily, slept all the way through the night and so when the first bits of light started to shine over horizon, he was rested and ready to...

"CALVIN!! GET UP!! THIS IS THE LAST TIME I'M CALLING YOU!!!"

"Good." Calvin growled, pulling the covers over his head.

Mom burst into Calvin's room and pointed at his drawer.

"You're going to miss the bus, if you don't get up!" She yelled.

"Oooh, there were some words I was hoping I'd never hear for another three months..." Calvin groaned, getting out of his bed and starting towards the clothes, which Mom had laid out for him the other night.

Calvin slowly got dressed and then made his way to the door of his room.

He exited his door and shuffled down the stairs.

Dad was reading his newspaper at the kitchen table, while drinking his second cup of coffee that morning.

"Hey, Calvin!" Dad said, cheerfully, as Calvin appeared in the kitchen doorway. "Are you looking forward to summer camp?"

"Uh." Calvin grunted, barely opening his mouth.

"Yep, summer camps build a lot of character! They have canoing, hiking, arts and crafts and there's just so much more!"

"Right. All that stuff you mentioned requires work." Calvin grumbled, reaching into the cabinet for his Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs.

Dad ignored him and continued.

"The best part is, you're in the untamed wilderness! So it gives you a chance to go back to your primal instincts and enjoy the great outdoors!"

"That's just great, Dad." Calvin muttered, pouring his cereal into a bowl. "You can cut paper and be a caveman as much you want, I'll stick to the road of technology and cartoons that only last three seasons."

Dad rolled his eyes.

"You'll have fun when you get there. Then maybe you'll want to go back and do it, again next year."

"Whoop-dee-doo." Calvin said, as he poured the milk and began eating. "Now instead of only having to spend a day with the losers at my school I have spend two weeks with them."

"Well, you can always just huddle in a dark corner in a lounge chair and watch a TV all day." Dad said, turning back to his newspaper.

"Yeah, why can't I do _that_ instead? By the way, will the bus driver allow a ferocious man eater onto the bus?"

"I'm sure you'll be able to bring Hobbes with you, Calvin." Mom said, who had just walked into the kitchen and was now pouring herself a cup of coffee. "Just be sure you have everything ready to go in thirty five minutes."

"Good. I gonna need _some_ protection from all the giant gorillas attending." Calvin muttered.

Calvin devoured his breakfast silently. Glaring straight ahead as he ate.

Finally, he was finished and, after giving the empty bowl to Mom, took his Mr Sunshine mood back up to Hobbes.

Calvin burst through his door and marched into his room.

Hobbes was still asleep.

Calvin walked up to the bed, grabbed the blanket and yanked it off.

SHOOOM!!

There was a pause.

Hobbes began shivering and his teeth began clacking.

He curled up into a ball and began moving his hand over the mattress, looking for the blanket.

Calvin walked over to his duffel bag, unzipped it and proceeded to stuff the blanket inside.

He then turned and walked back to Hobbes, who was still shivering and blindly looking for some source of heat.

Calvin took hold of one of the pillows and yanked it out from under Hobbes' head.

Hobbes' head fell to the mattress and it was then that his eyes popped open.

He stared at Calvin for a long moment as he collected his own pillow and stuffed them both into the duffel bag.

"Calvin?" Hobbes said. "It's a bit nippy, do you suppose you could return the blanket and pillow to my person?"

"Sure, hop in." Calvin said, pointing at the duffel bag.

"Never mind. Are we going somewhere?"

Hobbes sat up, yawned and rubbed some sleep out of his eyes.

Calvin glared at his tiger associate.

"No, I just enjoy tearing my bed up. OF COURSE WE'RE GOING SOMEWHERE!!! We're going to that stupid Camp Pine!"

Hobbes stared at Calvin for a long moment.

"Right, _you _were going to go to Camp Pine. I was going to stay here and guard the house." He said, nervously.

"Nice try." Calvin rolled his eyes. "If you think I'm going to that monster infested death trap alone, you have another think coming!"

Hobbes sighed and stood up.

"You know, you could have told me this before the day of question arrived." He said, walking over to the door. "I need to pack my yo-yo and coloring book."

"Already got five yo-yos and seven coloring books in here." Calvin said, patting his duffel bag and swinging the strap over his shoulder. "Let's just go and get this over with."

Hobbes sighed.

"Very well, I'm just going to go down and check out the back door make sure everything's..."

ZOOM!!

Suddenly, Hobbes vanished in a cloud of dust.

Calvin's eyes popped open.

"HEY! WHAT ARE YOU!!! GET BACK HERE!!!" He screamed.

Still holding the bag on his shoulder, Calvin raced after Hobbes.

"HELP!!!" Hobbes screamed, racing down the stairs and into the living room.

He stopped at the base of the stairs and looked around, frantically for a place to hide.

With a tremendous leap, Hobbes bounced off the sofa and out the front door.

Calvin ran down stairs and looked up in time to see the door slam shut.

He growled and ran after him.

Once he was outside, Calvin looked around for some evidence of Hobbes' being there.

He looked down and stared at the lawn.

There was a trail of torn up dirt leading from the sidewalk over to Sneer Hill, where Calvin and Hobbes did most of their insane wagon trips.

Calvin heaved a deep sigh.

He checked his watch.

He had fifteen minutes to find Hobbes and get onto the bus.

Hobbes sat in a tall tree at the base of Sneer Hill.

He scanned the area, looking for any signs of Calvin.

After all the other "adventures" he and Calvin had gone through, Hobbes had no interest on going on any more.

Hobbes remembered going back to the Mesozoic Era twice, the Transmogrifier Gun incident and who could forget the famous duplicator mess?

Hobbes laid one of the limbs, hidden in all the leafs and attempted to keep quiet.

"HOOOOOBBES!!" Came a loud call.

Hobbes froze.

Calvin appeared around the corner of the house.

He looked around the base of Sneer Hill, seeing nothing.

"HOBBES, WHERE ARE YOU!!" He called, walking towards the hill. "THE BUS IS COMING IN TEN MINUTES!! GET OUT HERE!!"

Hobbes remained perfectly still.

Calvin walked up to the base of the hill, only thirty feet away from Hobbes and looked around.

He narrowed his eyes and reached into his duffel bag.

"OK, Hobbes, well, if you're not going, then that's fine with me."

Hobbes looked up.

Calvin turned around and started walking back to the house.

"I'm perfectly fine with you not coming. But I'm not putting back all the tuna and salmon I got out of the cabinet."

He stopped and looking around.

"I'm bringing it all with me, in other words and you know Mom doesn't buy it at the store unless I'm there to remind her. Two weeks. BYE, BYE, HOBBES!!!"

ZOOOOM!!!

Immediately, Hobbes was at Calvin's side.

Calvin glared at him. He wasn't even out of breath.

"You have tuna and salmon?"

"Yes." Calvin sighed.

"The House doesn't?"

"No."

"Good, let's go."

Calvin and Hobbes walked around to the other side of the house.

The bus wasn't there, yet, so they walked back into the house.

Once they entered, they found Dad all dressed up for work.

He walked over to the coat rack and took his hat.

"Well, I'm off to work." He said, walking to the door. "See ya later Calvin."

"Uh huh." Calvin said, expressionlessly.

"Have fun at camp!"

"Yeah, right."

Dad walked out the door and went to his car.

Mom came running up to Calvin.

"OK, Calvin, the bus is going to be here any minute now, do you have everything you need?"

"More than I need, Mom." Calvin said, holding his stuffed Hobbes over his shoulder.

Mom stared at him.

"Calvin, you have one duffel bag." She said, motioning at the bag.

"Yes, I'm aware of that. What's your point?" Calvin said, his brow furrowing.

"Never mind." Mom said, rolling her eyes. "Just as long as you're ready."

"I'm beyond ready." Calvin said. "Now if you don't mind, I'm going to go hide somewhere."

And with that, Calvin turned and started walking towards his room.

"Oh no you don't." Mom said, grabbing his shirt. "You're going to wait here until the bus comes."

"I sure wish you would stop saying 'bus' Mom, it's basically just ruining my future summers every time." Calvin sighed.

At that very moment, the sound of a engine coming to a stop reached Calvin and Mom's ears.

"The bus is here, come on!!" Mom yelled, ushering Calvin to the door.

"You just can't wait to get rid of me, can you, Mom?" Calvin said, expressionlessly.

"I love you too. See you in two weeks."

"Yeah right, can you just identify my body for me?" Calvin asked, as Mom kissed him on the cheek and opened the door.

Calvin walked out onto the sidewalk, holding the duffel bag in one hand and Hobbes in the other.

He looked over at the green bus with the words "CAMP PINE" written on it, that had pulled up at his sidewalk.

Then, he saw the doors open and that same bus driver sat in the seat, staring at him.

Calvin gulped.

It was going to be a long two weeks.


	3. Camp Pine

Slowly, Calvin made his way onto the bus. 

He threw a suspicious glance at the bus driver he was not supposed to see for another three months.

The bus driver stared back at him.

"You have seen nothing!!" Calvin yelled, pointing a finger at him.

The driver grunted and closed the doors.

Calvin walked up the steps and into the narrow bus.

He cut his eyes from side to side.

Calvin appeared to be one of the first people to have been picked up.

The only other people he saw were Moe, Moe's gang, Alex and some other kid with buck teeth.

Calvin sat down with Hobbes, A good five or six seats away from Moe.

As the bus engine revved up and began moving again, Calvin unzipped his duffel bag and began riffling through it.

Hobbes watched him.

"I'm hoping you packed some OFF?" He asked, hopefully.

"Are you kidding?" Calvin demanded, looking up. "Do you think I'm leaving my property without something to protect myself with?"

Hobbes breathed a sigh of relief.

Calvin then went back to shuffling through... well, basically the contents of his entire room.

Finally, he found the comic book he was looking for, zipped the bag back up and sat back down in his seat.

"But you can be sure when those morons aren't shoving construction paper, canoes and hiking boots in my face, I'm going to be nice and busy with my comic books." He said, flipping through the pages.

"Well, I guess summer camp, can't be that bad." Hobbes decided, looking out the window. "I mean, at least we'll have people watching and taking care of us. Unlike your Dad's famous camping trips."

"True." Calvin said, looking up from the comic book. "But that doesn't change the fact that Moe's coming. One kid who I hoped I wasn't going to have to deal with for the rest of the summer."

"Well, on the one hand, at least it's just _one _kid from your school." Hobbes commented.

Just then, the bus slowed.

Calvin didn't even look out the window, as the bus came to a complete stop and the doors opened.

Calvin and Hobbes both heard the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs, but only Hobbes expressed any interest to see who it was.

When he saw, his eyes popped open.

"Calvin?"

"What?"

"Never mind."

"Never mind what?"

"Hi, Calvin!" Said a cheerful voice.

Calvin looked up.

It was Susie Derkins.

Calvin stared at her for a long time.

"So I'm assuming Leatherface is getting on, next, right?" he said, finally.

Susie sat down next to Calvin, scooting Hobbes over.

"What are you doing here, anyway, Susie?" Calvin demanded. "I thought you were going to get to work on next year's homework. Isn't that how you keep your sanity during the summer?"

Susie rolled her eyes.

"Calvin, I think the better question is, what are _you_ doing here? I go to Camp Pine every year."

"Parents desperate to get rid of you, too, huh?" Calvin considered, tapping his chin. "You _do_ know that summer camp is just a big baby sitter so the kids' parents can remain in denial about summer arriving, don't you?"

"Maybe for your parents." Susie muttered under her breath.

The bus went on to pick up several other kids, most of which Calvin recognized from his classroom.

"For crying out loud, is _everyone_ from my class getting on this bus?!" Calvin yelled, as Candace took her seat next to Alex.

"Just about." Susie said. "Everyone from our class _does _come to Camp Pine, actually. You're the one that finally completes it."

"This is an outrage!" Calvin yelled, standing up. "I demand to speak to the driver of this vehicle!"

"Calvin, sit down." Susie moaned, covering her face.

"I'm taking a step for righteousness and all that's good and pure when I declare that I refuse to go to a camp with all these losers!!!" Calvin shouted. "_HAVE YOU NO PITY!!!!_"

"Calvin, you're starting to get weird, again." Hobbes said, looking up at his companion.

"NOBODY ASKED YOUR OPINION!!!" Calvin spat.

Once Calvin took his seat, again, the bus had made it passed his city.

The only times Calvin had been on this road was when Dad dragged him and his family on another death trap vacation.

So in other words, Calvin had affiliated bad thoughts with that road.

And of course, dark thoughts lead to weird fantasies.

"Our intrepid hero, Spaceman Spiff is taken captive by the evil Zarchers from planet X-821. To be taken to Labor Camp to be trained as a slave for their diabolical race!" Calvin muttered under his breath, looking around the bus, which had become a giant space ship.

Spaceman Spiff looked around the dark ship. Green wires ran across the walls and the seats were filled with green aliens that looked like giant bats.

They all stared forward in a emotionlessly way, all lined up in the seats.

Spaceman Spiff was tied up at the arms and seated next to another two aliens holding laser guns.

"Spiff prepares his daring escape of leaping out into deep space." Spiff muttered under his breath, looking towards the window.

Calvin checked on Hobbes and Susie.

Hobbes was examining his claws and Susie was reading the Camp Pine brochure.

Calvin's eyes narrowed and he turned back to the window.

Desperately, he began tugging at the window's base, trying to get it open.

"Curses!" Spiff growled. "They have super locks on the windows! Spiff's only chance is to dive into the middle of the aliens and escape through the doors!"

Spiff turned around and glared at the aliens through his black mask.

They were both staring straight ahead, not paying any attention to the spaceman.

Spiff remained still for a moment, staring at the aliens waiting for them to do something.

Then he acted.

"DIE, SPACESCUM!" Calvin screamed, leaping through the air and tumbling to the floor.

Susie, Hobbes and everyone else spun around and stared at Calvin in shock.

Calvin leaped to his feet and whipped from side to side.

"RAAAAAAAUGH!!!" The aliens started screeching, holding their winged arms out to capture Spiff.

Spiff growled and narrowed his eyes.

Then, with a snap, he cut the ropes to his arms and began running towards the front of the ship.

Bat webbed arms reached over the seats in an attempt to grab the spaceman.

Spaceman Spiff leaped over to the front of the ship and spun around to the driver.

He whipped out his Death Ray Blaster and pointed it at it.

"OK, you slimy space maggot! Stop this ship, right now and release my space jet from the compartment hold! I'm getting out of here!!"

Instantly, the spaceship came to a dead stop.

The driver turned and stared at Spiff through its bloodshot eyes. Then, it opened it's mouth.

"GOK GOOP FLAC YARG HOBIA SABACK GROCK!!" It screamed through it's razor sharp teeth.

Spiff stared at it, still holding his blaster up.

"What?" He asked.

"I said, give me that rubber band and sit down." The driver said to Calvin, leaning on the steering wheel. 

Calvin blinked.

He looked back up the bus.

Everyone was leaning over the side of their seats, staring at him with wide eyes.

"Oh. Well, OK." Calvin handed the rubber band over to the driver. "There ya go."

The driver took the rubber band, threw it in the ash tray and started the bus' engine back up.

Calvin cleared his throat and walked back to his seat, not looking at anyone.

Susie stared at Calvin as he walked back up to her and sat down.

"Well, I suppose you're going to have some smart remark about this, correct?" Calvin demanded, glaring at Susie.

"Uh, no, I'm getting nothing." Susie said, staring at Calvin with wide eyes.

"Good, Hobbes?"

"No, I think this is more of a silence moment." Hobbes replied.

"Good. So all of you can just shut up." Calvin growled, turning back to the window.

The bus kept going and luckily, Calvin was able to spend the rest of the trip without breaking into another fantasy.

Soon, the bus passed the place Mom and Dad stopped to rent their boat to get their camping island and the bus began moving into unfamiliar territory.

Calvin stared out the window, as they passed trees and boulders and went even further into the great unknown.

He took another glance of Hobbes.

He had fallen asleep, of course and was currently curled up in a ball, snoring.

Calvin rolled his eyes and turned back to the window.

He saw a sign approaching them.

He narrowed his eyes and stared at it.

**Welcome to Camp Pine  
Adventure Camp**

"I'll keep that in mind." He hissed under his breath.

The bus rounded a corner and pulled up to a stop.

The driver reached over, pulled a lever and opened the doors.

At once, everyone got up and started walking towards the exit.

Well, almost everyone...

Calvin sat on his seat, refusing to move.

He crossed his arms and glared forward.

Hobbes sat up and yawned.

"Hey, we're here?" He asked, looking out the window. "That didn't take long."

"Shhh!" Calvin spat, holding his finger up to his mouth. "Quiet, Hobbes! Maybe if we remain _really_ quiet, the driver will forget I'm here and leave!"

"Calvin, I doubt the bus driver is going to forget you." Hobbes said, staring at his six year old associate.

"Well, we'll just see about that!" Calvin chuckled. "This plan is fool proof! Soon we'll be back at our home planet and everything will be great, again!"

"Calvin, get off the bus." Came the driver's voice.

Calvin blinked.

"Told ya." Hobbes said.

"Calvin!" The driver called again. "I know you're back there. Get over here."

Calvin remained silent.

The driver sighed.

There was a moment of silence, then, the man appeared over Calvin.

Calvin stared at him.

Then, he heaved a sigh.

"OK, fine, you win!" Calvin stood up and grabbed his stuffed tiger off the seat.

He walked over to the door and turned a glare back at the driver.

"_THIS TIME!!_"

"Just get out of here." The driver sighed.

Calvin gave him one last glare and then walked off the bus.

The driver sat back down, closed the door and started the engine back up.

Calvin watched, helplessly as the bus made a turnaround and started driving off in the other direction.

Then, he turned back around.

The rest of the group was facing a small cabin with the sign COUNSELOR on it.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at it.

"Well, this is pretty nice," Hobbes observed, looking around the camp. "There's an unpolluted little forest here, a big lake, little squirrels and chipmunks running around, we're surrounded by a beautiful mountain range, this might not be _that_ bad!"

"Why are there security cameras on the cabins?" Calvin asked, glaring at a video camera hung from above the counselor cabin's porch.

The camera was fixed right on the group of kids, making a small beeping sound every few seconds.

"Uh, to protect us from forest monsters?" Hobbes guessed.

At that very moment, the door to the cabin opened.

A man stepped out.

He had a short shaved hair and a goatee. He was wearing sunglasses, black pants, white sneakers and a white T-shirt that had the Camp Pine logo on it.

He was holding a clipboard and reading over all the names.

"Welcome to Camp Pine." The man said in a gruff voice, looking up and facing the kids. "My name is John Howard Chill. I'm your head counselor."

Alex, a small kid with his baseball cap on backwards raised his hand.

"Yes?" John said, turning to him.

"What happened to Counselor Bob?" He asked, putting his hand down.

John stared at him for a moment.

"He, uh, couldn't be with us this year." He said, putting the clipboard on a table on the porch. "He's in New York on an important business trip."

"Doing what?" Susie asked.

John turned and stared at Susie.

"I don't know what he's doing. He didn't fill me in on all the details. The point is, is that I'm your substitute counselor for this year."

Calvin raised his hand.

"Yes, Calvin?" John asked, turning to Calvin this time.

"OK, ignoring the fact that you conveniently knew what my name was, I would like to ask what the chances are of something horrible happening to my person?" Calvin said, crossing his arms.

"What do you mean?" John inquired, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, I dunno..." Calvin said, rolling his eyes around. "mutant flesh eating worms emerging from the ground after an electric tower has been knocked over, being bitten by a giant spider thus turning me into a giant spider, some homicidal British guy releasing his swarm of killer bees on us, or say maybe, ohhhh... physical abuse?"

John stared at him.

"You're talking about bullying?" He said, finally.

"Oh... Sure that could be used as a hypothetical example." Calvin shrugged.

"If anyone is caught bullying another person here at Camp Pine while I'm in charge, they will be suspended and sent home." John said, scanning the group of kids. "I will not tolerate it here."

Moe turned a glare onto Calvin.

"Let me now explain the rules for everyone new here to Camp Pine." John said, taking out his clipboard. "Breakfast is at seven o'clock sharp. Lunch is at noon and dinner is at five. While you're here you'll be participating in activities such as canoeing, hiking and arts and crafts."

Calvin groaned.

John ignored him and continued.

"There will also be races and competitions and by the time you go home at the end of two weeks, you'll be in great shape."

Calvin groaned, again.

John sighed and continued.

"At this point I'm going to assign you each a cabin, where you will be living in for the next fourteen days. We have four cabins in total. Two will be for the girls and two will be for the boys. After you've been assigned your cabin, I'd like you to go and unpack."

Calvin groaned, again.

John turned and glared at Calvin.

"Do you have a problem?" He demanded.

"No, of course not. What would make you think that?" Calvin asked, innocently.

John rolled his eyes and turned back to the group.

"Now, if you would all please come into the cabin here, so I and my assistant counselors can assign your home for the next half month."

Calvin groaned.

John glared at Calvin, then turned and walked into the cabin.

The kids followed.

Calvin and Hobbes paused though.

For a moment, they all just stared after him.

Then, Hobbes spoke.

"Nice fellow, that Chill, guy." Hobbes commented.

"Yeah right." Calvin muttered. "He's about as creepy as Torgo in swim trunks. I can't believe I'm going to have to live with him for two weeks."

"Well, one the one hand, at least we're not on a floating rock in the middle of a lake." Hobbes said, looking around.

"Thanks, Hobbes. I feel a lot better now."

And with that, Calvin and Hobbes slowly made their way into the counselor's cabin.


	4. Camp Activities

_Swing123: For this part, I have combined three chapters together, because I thought I spent too many chapters dwelling on Calvin's camp activities, and not enough on the main plot.  
_

* * *

When Calvin and Hobbes entered the cabin, they found that John was nowhere in sight.

Instead, they saw another tall man sitting at a desk writing stuff up on a piece of paper.

The man was wearing the same Camp Pine attire that John wore, including the sunglasses. He had messy black hair and was so busy writing that he barley noticed the kids walking in.

There was a moment of silence.

Susie cleared her throat.

"Um, excuse me? Sir?"

The man didn't look up.

"Sir? Excuse me?"

The man continued writing, paying no notice to Susie.

"Uh, we need to have our cabins assigned..."

The man looked up.

"What?" He asked, looking around as if he had just noticed the kids.

"We need to have our cabins assigned, sir!" One kid said, a little annoyed.

The man stared at them for a long time through his sunglasses.

"...What?" He asked, again.

"Our cabins!" Calvin shouted. "The place we're going to be living in for the next half month!!!"

The man perked up.

"Oh, the cabins... I get it..."

He paused.

"What?" He asked, turning back to them.

"Here, I'll handle this." Calvin said, walking forward with his hands in the strangling position.

"CALVIN!!" Susie yelled, pulling him back.

Suddenly, John came walking out of the other room.

"Dave, have you assigned their cabins, yet?" He asked, filing through some paperwork.

The man turned around and stared at John.

"Did you say something?" He asked.

John stared at him.

"The cabins, Dave!" John said, sternly. "Have you assigned the children their cabins?!"

Dave stared at John for a long moment.

"Is that why they're here?" He asked, pointing at the kids.

John sighed.

"You'll have to excuse Dave." He growled, turning to the kids.

He turned back to Dave.

"Dave, why don't you go help Earl with his paperwork?" He spat, shoving Dave out of the seat.

"I already tried, but he kicked me out!!" Dave whined.

"Well go do something constructive!" John growled. "Go pick up garbage around the lake or whatever it is you do."

A big grin spread across Dave's face.

"Can do, boss!" He shouted, saluting John and rushing out of the cabin.

There was a long moment of silence.

"Okay," John said, crumbling up whatever it was Dave was writing and throwing it in the trash. "I'm going to start with the girls and call off your names. The first group will be in cabin 1-A, the second group will be in 1-B. And for the boys, the first group will be in 2-A and the second in 2-B."

John looked up.

The kids stared at him, blankly.

"Good." John turned back to the paper in his hands. "Candace, Susie Derkins, Emily, Stevie, Olivia and Hilary. Your in cabin 1-A."

Susie, Candace and some other girls picked up their bags and walked out the door.

John continued.

"Amber, Lisa, Nancy, Mary Aaron and Alicia, cabin 1-B."

The rest of the girls gathered up their stuff and moved on.

Calvin waited impatiently, as John then went on to read off the names of some boys, who were going to cabin 2-A.

After this, the only people left were Calvin, Hobbes, Moe, Alex, that buck toothed kid and Moe's gang.

As John finished reading off the names of everyone going to 2-A, he put his list away and stood up.

"OK, the rest of you are going to be in cabin 2-B." He said, filing through his paperwork on his desk.

Without another word, Moe, Moe's gang and the other two kids walked out with their bags.

Calvin, however, didn't move.

He stood in front of John, mouth a gape, staring at him with wide eyes.

John put the papers into his drawer and looked up at Calvin.

"Yes, Calvin?" He sighed sitting down.

"You can't put me in _MOE'S_ cabin! He'll beat me to a bloody pulp!" He screamed, throwing his arms in the air. "Have you no heart?!?"

John propped his arms onto the desk and leaned his head into his hands.

He stared at Calvin for a moment.

"Calvin, if he does that, I'll throw him out." He said, finally. "Now if you'd please..."

"How are you supposed to know?!" Calvin shouted. "Moe's a viscous killer! He'll destroy me right when your back's turned!"

"No, he won't." John said. "I'm going to make sure of that. Now would you please leave the cabin?"

Calvin stared at John for a moment.

Then, he heaved a deep sigh, gathered his duffel bag and stuffed tiger up and walked out of the cabin.

As he closed the door to the cabin, John stood up and walked over to the window.

He watched Calvin run up the hill towards his cabin.

"This is gonna be easier than I thought." He chuckled, walking back to his desk.

* * *

Cabin 2-B was positioned right at the edge of the forest which lead into the Camp Pine Mountain Range.

Calvin and Hobbes paid no attention to this detail, as they walked up to the wooden door and opened it.

Calvin looked around.

It had only been thirty seconds and Moe and his gang had already claimed their beds and were currently unpacking there bags around them.

Calvin, however, barely noticed this, as his attention was being drawn towards something else.

There was a security camera screwed into the corner of the right hand side of the cabin on the ceiling.

It was very still, as it remained staring off in one direction.

Calvin, it seemed, was the only one who noticed it.

"Hobbes, why is there a camera in here?" He asked, turning to Hobbes.

Hobbes looked up at the camera and his eyes narrowed.

"Maybe that's how John makes sure no bulling goes on..." He began.

"You don't think it's a little weird that a children's summer camp has cameras set up everywhere?"

"Uhhhhh..."

"Hey, Twinky!" Shouted a voice.

Calvin tore his gaze from the camera and looked around.

Moe was standing in front of him.

"Get out of the door, twerp!" He growled.

Calvin blinked.

Without any protesting, he stepped out of the door as Moe pushed past him.

His gang followed him.

Calvin glared after him.

"Well, Hobbes, let's start unpacking." He growled, turning away from the door.

"Very well." Hobbes yawned.

He walked over to the only remaining bed, which was the one by the window under Alex's bunk bed, and flopped down on top of it.

Calvin walked over, carrying his duffel bag.

Alex and the other kid ignored Calvin, so they didn't see him drop the bag onto the ground, unzip it and start pulling items out.

Calvin started throwing all his comic books onto the bed next to Hobbes. Nothing else. Just comic books.

Hobbes watched, silently, as Calvin yanked out comic book after comic book, throwing it into a pile on the bed.

When he was finished, he stood up, turned around, sat down on the bed took a comic book and began reading.

Hobbes stared at him.

"You're not going to use nine tenths of the things you packed, are you?" He said, finally.

"Of course not." Calvin said, not looking up. "I have a whole dimension to store stuff in. You think I'm going to pack stuff I'm actually going to _use?_"

"Oh, how silly of me." Hobbes said rolling his eyes.

He walked over to the bag, and began rooting through it.

"What's this?" He asked, pulling out a large brown object.

Calvin looked up.

"Oh, it's one of those ham radio things. If some kind of horrific emergency occurs, we can contact for help." He said, turning the page to his book.

"Ah." Hobbes said, staring at the radio, and setting it aside.

At that very moment, the door burst open, and another one of the counselors walked in.

This one looked exactly like Dave, only he had messy orange hair.

He turned a big grin on the kids before him.

"Hello, Children! My name's Erne! What's yours?!?!" He yelled, throwing his arms into the air.

The kids stared at him.

"I wonder if I packed any nuclear weapons with me." Calvin muttered, turning to the bag.

Erne waddled up to Calvin, still wearing that huge grin.

"My not-leader has told me to give you all our stuff-to-do lists!" He shouted, happily, yanking some crumpled up pieces of paper out of his pocket.

"Have we suffered any blunt blows to head, recently?" Calvin inquired, crossing his arms.

"I like mittens!" Erne said, grinning stupidly.

"I see."

Erne cheerfully threw the paper at the kids, and skipped out, humming Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.

In the wrong key.

Sure.

Calvin glared after him, picked the paper up, smoothed it out, and began reading.

Hobbes walked over, and sat down next to him.

"What's this?" he asked.

"A list of events." Calvin said, looking over the paper. "Look at this, it has schedules and everything. They even timed out how long you have to eat."

"Hmmm," Hobbes considered. "They give you exactly eight hours thirty five minutes and two seconds to sleep."

"What kind of morons are running this place?" Calvin complained. "Are Rick Sloane and Coleman Francis counselors too?! I mean _come on!_"

"Hey, there's gonna be a race at twelve ten." Hobbes said, pointing at the paper. "It says here, 'optional attendance.'"

"Good. I want nothing of it." Calvin said, handing the list to Hobbes, and picking his comic book up.

Hobbes took the list, and went over it.

"Hey, it says here if you win the race, you get this giant trophy..." He said, scanning the page.

"Big whoop." Calvin said, turning the page to his comic book."

"...and twenty dollars." Hobbes finished.

Calvin's head shot up.

"Huh?"

"The winner gets twenty dollars." Hobbes replied.

Calvin stared at him.

"Twenty bucks? Just for running? All I have to do is beat some other losers at a race?!? SIGN ME UP!!!" He screamed, throwing the comic book aside.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

* * *

Calvin marched onto the race track, grinning proudly, and pumping his arms as he walked.

He was wearing a white sleeveless shirt, with matching pants, and a red sweat band on his forehead.

He walked onto the track, where he saw John, two more counselors who grinning stupidly and staring off into space... and another man.

This man was slightly shorter than John. He was bald, and seemed to be in excellent shape. He too, was wearing the Camp Pine uniform. Sunglasses and all.

The man was leaning over John's shoulder while John was pointing at a clipboard in his hands, talking in a low whisper.

When they saw Calvin coming towards them, they straightened up, and faced him.

John put the clipboard behind his back.

"Hello, Calvin." He said.

"Greetings weird one." Calvin said, marching up to the counselors. "I'm here to run around, and then collect twenty bucks!"

"Of course you are." John replied. "Anyway, allow me to introduce Earl, he's my assistant head counselor."

John motioned towards the man, who nodded at Calvin.

"That's very nice." Calvin said, totally uninterested. "So, who am I gonna be racing with? Some slow motion freaks who couldn't run a track if their life depended on it?"

John and Earl exchanged glances.

"No actually, you'll be racing everyone here." John yawned. "All of the kids wanted the money."

"WHAT?!?!" Calvin screamed, spinning around. "ARE YOU _MAD!!!_ How the heck am I supposed to outrun twenty five kids?!? THIS CONTEST IS RIGGED, ISN'T IT?!?!?! _ISN'T IT?!?!?!_"

John buried his face into his hands, and Earl let his head fall to his chest.

It was going to be a tough ride for them.

* * *

Calvin grumbled and complained to himself, as all the kids began flocking to the race track.

Hobbes was sitting on the ground next to him, moving his crayon through a coloring book, and not paying attention to him.

"I can't believe this Hobbes! Here I am, wanting twenty dollars, and that hunk of metal that comes with it, and there _they_ are being selfish and not letting me have it!"

"Huh." Hobbes replied, rolling his eyes.

Calvin glared at the kids.

"I'll make them pay! Hobbes get my duffel bag!"

Hobbes looked up.

"Calvin, I am not getting up to walk three feet to your duffel bag and back." He said.

Calvin glared at him, walked over to his bag.

He unzipped it, and began shuffling through it.

"There has _got_ to be something in here... AH HA!!!!"

Calvin reached inside, and yanked out a pair of shoes.

Hobbes looked up, again.

"Hmmmm?"

Calvin kicked his sneakers off, and put on the other sneakers he had.

"This shoes here have special springs installed in them, that will throw me farther as I run! This will guarantee me to win!"

"Isn't that cheating?" Hobbes inquired.

"When twenty dollars is at stake, you have to use every tactic." Calvin said, looking up. "Besides, nobody asked you."

"Whatever." Hobbes said, rolling his eyes.

Calvin jogged over to the starting point on the track, where the other kids had also lined up.

John and Earl were watching silently from the bleachers, while two of the other counselors, Lenny and Alex, tried to figure out how to work their racing pistols.

It took them five minutes to do this, and by this time, the kids were starting to get impatient.

Calvin above all.

"OK, kiddies!" Lenny yelled, happily. "ON YOUR MARK... GET SET... _**SEW!!!!!**_"

Calvin, Susie, Moe and the rest turned and gave Lenny icy glares.

This seemed to not phase him at all, however.

He stared at the kids with a stupid grin on his face.

"I'm sorry, I get a kick out of that. Ready... set... _GO_-CARTS!!!! OK, OK, sorry...Ready... set... _MONSTER _A-GO-GO!!! Sorry... Ready... set... GROW!!!! Ready... set... GLOW!!!! Ready... Set..."

"Lenny, I'm going to tear your limbs off if you don't start this race right now." Earl said, emotionlessly.

"OK, sorry, sorry... _**GO!!!**_"

_ZOOOM!!!_

Calvin was gone.

The other kids leaped off their feet, and started running too, but Calvin was already in the lead.

"Heh, heh..." He chuckled. "This race is in the bag! All I have to do is round this thing twice and not only will I _crush _the other losers, I'll have twenty dollars!"

There was a pause.

"...and the hunk of metal that comes with it."

Calvin quickly rounded the track once, and had started on his second, with the other kids still trying to catch up.

"I wonder what I'll spend my prize money on. Probably just blow it all on comic books and jawbreakers. Life is good, just another fifty feet, and I'll..."

_ZOOM!!!!_

"HUH?!?!"

Calvin stopped dead in his tracks, and stared bug eyed at Susie his mouth agape, as she roared down the track, having past him during his flight.

Unfortunately, Calvin stopping lead to everyone _else _catching up with him.

_ZOOOM!!! ZOOOM!! ZOOOM!!! ZOOOM!! ZOOOOM!!! ZOOOM!!!!_

Calvin's eyes squeezed shut.

* * *

"SHE CHEATED!!!!" Calvin screamed, murderously, as Susie collected her trophy and prize money.

"Gee, that's horrible." Hobbes said, rolling his eyes. "And it's not like _you _cheated or anything."

"That's right! She took unfair advantages and won under spurious circumstances!!" Calvin yelled. "She must have concocted a diabolical scheme to invent running shoes _better than mine!!!_"

"Yes, it's totally normal for six year old girls to invent high tech running shoes and cheat in races." Hobbes nodded.

"And to make matters worse, she took that chunk of golden metal and money that rightfully belongs to _ME!!!_" Calvin shouted.

"Oh, yes, it's all clear, now." Hobbes said, patting Calvin on the back. "Susie spied on you at the exact same time and place that you bought the shoes. She immediately knew you were going to Camp Pine where they were going to hold a race, and she _knew _you were going to attend that race and use those shoes, so she quickly invented running shoes more advanced than yours, and brought them, just so she could beat you in said race."

Calvin glared at him.

"I have the sneaking suspicion that you're being sarcastic at me, again." He growled.

Before Hobbes could answer, one of the counselors ran up.

This one had bright red hair, but otherwise, he looked no different than the others.

"Hi, I'm Zack!" He yelled, goofily. "My not-master has told me to tell you little children to go sit in a con-you. Now, my not-master has told me to take a hike! See ya!!"

And with that, Zack lumbered off.

Calvin and Hobbes stared after them.

"This camp is just getting weirder and weirder by the second." Hobbes commented.

"Ah, canoeing." Calvin growled. "My least favorite water activity. What could _possibly_ be more fun?!"

By this time, everyone had just about left the race track.

Susie had put her trophy and money away, and John, Earl, and the rest of the kids were down at the lake.

Calvin grumbled to himself, and with Hobbes, he walked down the hill towards the lake.

As he walked, a security camera attached to Cabin 1-B, followed his progress, his reflection showing in the lens.

* * *

Three more of the camp counselors were standing in front of the lake, grinning stupidly, and staring off into space.

Calvin ignored them, and stared at the lake.

It was an objectively large lake, stretching out for at least five miles before coming back to a shore.

There were several posts sticking out of the ground next to the water, each one about six feet away from each other, with canoes tied to them.

The kids had each taken a position at one of the posts, and John and Earl were once again looking over that clipboard, whispering back and forth to each other.

When Calvin walked up with his stuffed tiger draped over his shoulder, John put the clipboard aside, and turned to the kids.

"Alright, children." Earl said, stepping up. "For those of you thinking that we're going to teach you how to use these things... we're not. You're going to have to figure it out on your own."

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

"I would like two kids in one boat, please." John said, stepping forward. "It's to assure your safety. I'm sure none of you will mind this."

John pointed at Susie.

"You. You're with Calvin." He said, bluntly.

"_**NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!**_" Calvin bellowed, falling to his knees, throwing head back and hurling his arms to the sky in despair.

"Oh quit being so morbid." Susie growled, walking up to him.

After everyone was assigned a partner, John order the kids to start untying the boats.

Calvin glared at Susie, then bent down over the knot.

He examined it through squinted eyes.

He took hold of it, and began tugging on one end.

He glanced at Susie, and continued pulling on it.

It didn't come loose.

"Calvin?" Susie said, looking over his shoulder. "You're tightening it."

"I think I know how to untie knots, Susie." Calvin said, smugly. "And I would appreciate it if you stopped breathing into my ear."

Susie glared at him, and took a step back.

Calvin turned back to the knot.

He continued pulling on the rope, trying to undo it.

When it continued to not come undone, Calvin turned to Hobbes, who was sitting on a rock a few feet away.

"Hobbes, get over here, and help me!" He shouted.

"Nah, it looks like you've pretty much got the hang of it." Hobbes replied.

"_GET OVER HERE!!!!_"

"Right."

Hobbes stood up, and walked over to Calvin, while Susie was watching another kid.

Once Hobbes had come up, Calvin pointed at the knot and hissed, "Apparently the guy who tied this thing had just finished pumping down truckloads of steroids, so I need you're claws to cut the rope!"

Hobbes examined the knot.

"Calvin, were you aware that you're pulling it the wrong way? You're just tightening it." He asked, looking up.

"Shut up, and cut the rope." Calvin growled.

"Alright."

Hobbes hit the switchblade in his paw, and his razor sharp claws shot out, gleaming in the sunlight.

"Oo-kay..."

Hobbes applied his fingers to the rope, and began working on it.

Calvin waited, tapping his foot, and checking his watch.

Finally, Hobbes cut the rope off, and the canoe was freed.

Calvin grabbed his life vest, slipped it on, and while Hobbes held it, climbed into the canoe.

By this time, Susie had looked away from the other kid, and had seen Calvin climb in.

"Hey, Calvin! Wait for me!"

"Give me one good reason." Calvin muttered, pulling Hobbes inside, who was also wearing an orange life vest.

Susie grabbed her vest, and ran down into the water, and into the canoe with Calvin.

Calvin ignored her, and started looking at the paddles he had before him.

They were attached to the boat, and were both on either side.

Calvin turned to Susie.

"OK, Derkins. Rule one, I steer. Deal with it." He said.

Susie glared at him.

Calvin sat down on the canoe's seat, and took the paddles.

By this time, all the kids had untied their canoes and were now sitting in them waiting for John to do something.

John watched for a moment, as the current pushed them towards and back from the shore.

Calvin looked up at him.

He was staring at the water. In fact, he was examining it.

And now when he thought of it, Calvin saw that both John and Earl were wearing winter jackets. It was at least eighty degrees out there!

Calvin stared at them suspiciously, before John finally said, "Alright, children, Earl and I will follow you around the lake, and watch you. I want you to row the canoe around to the other side and back. Got it? Any questions?"

A hand went up.

"Yes, Paul?" Earl said.

"Uh, what's the point to this?" The kid asked, putting his hand down.

"Not a clue." John said. "Any other questions?"

Another hand went up.

"Yes, Stevie?" Earl asked.

"Why are you dressed up like it's winter?" A girl asked, putting her hand down.

"Because we're being paid for it. Anything else?"

One of the other counselors raised his hand.

John and Earl heaved deep sighs.

"What do you want, Luke?" Earl demanded.

"Tim and Alfred wanted to know what time it is." Luke said, putting his arm down.

"Why don't you just go and get between a bear cub and its mother for a while." John spat. "Now then, kids, start rowing."

With tremendous effort, Calvin pulled the paddles forward, through the water, pushing them away from the shore.

After the first row, he was totally out breath.

Susie watched him.

"Need any help?" She asked.

"Drop dead." Calvin growled. "Calvin the bold never needs help!"

And with that, Calvin pushed the rows back for another stroke.

"RRRRRRRRGH!!!!"

Pushed back, another stroke.

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!"

Pushed back, another stroke.

"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!"

Pushed back, another stroke.

"Calvin," Susie said, rolled her eyes.

"What?!" Calvin demanded, defensively. "Are you judging my canoeing skills?!?"

There was a moment of silence.

"OK, fine, you take the wheel, Miss Perfect!"

Hobbes sighed and shook his head as Calvin and Susie traded places.

Calvin sat down on the other side of the boat, and Susie took the paddles.

Calvin stared at Susie in disbelief, as she effortlessly rowed the canoe down the lake to the other side and back.

"Hmmm, need any comforting words, Calvin?" Hobbes asked, looking up.

"Zip it." Calvin growled.

"Righto." Hobbes said, turning away.

This, unfortunately, was the second of several humiliations Calvin had to go through with Susie that day.

* * *

Calvin sat in front of desk, staring at the contents.

A pair of scissors, a pile of construction paper, glue, scotch tape, and colored pencils.

His eyes came up, and scanned the room.

Everybody else was cutting and gluing away, while John and Earl discussed that clipboard behind another desk, out of the kids' earshot.

Calvin glared at them, and turned back to the arts and crafts tools before him.

He had been staring passively at them for about forty five minutes, not planning on doing anything with them.

Hobbes was sitting in a chair next to him, modeling a tiger out of some clay.

"So, Calvin," He said, finally, looking up from his model. "Do you have any ideas on what your going to make?"

There was a moment of silence.

"Oooor... if you're going to make anything, at all?"

Silence.

"...Anything..."

Silence.

"You're not going to do anything are you?"

"Nope."

"Huh."

Hobbes turned back to his clay.

"A shame, too. This is something you could really beat Susie in."

Calvin's head came up.

"What? You think so?"

"Sure." Hobbes said. "Look at her."

Calvin's eyes darted to Susie.

She was slowly cutting away at a piece of construction paper.

"She's been doing that ever since we sat down. Doesn't look to me like she knows what she's doing." Hobbes said.

Calvin thought for a moment.

Then, a wide evil grin spread across his face.

"Very well, Hobbes! Prepare for the most beautiful cut up piece of paper you'll ever see!!" He yelled.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

Calvin grabbed his scissors and a purple piece of construction paper, and went to work.

Hobbes went back to his clay tiger.

* * *

"It was a Tuesday evening." Calvin said, looking up from his desk. "The dame came in. She was hysterical. But dames usually are, so that was no clue."

Suddenly, the cabin which Calvin, Hobbes, Susie and the rest of the kids were in, doing arts and crafts had vanished. In its place, Was a darkened office, with a single, dull, flickering lightbulb handing from the ceiling.

Calvin was suddenly dressed in a brown trench coat, with a hat that covered his face, brown pants, and black boots.

He was leaning back in a chair, with his feet propped against the desk in front of him.

"Only common sense that she'd come to me with the case." Calvin said, tipping his hat downward. "The name's Bullet. Tracer Bullet. I'm a private investigator. Says so on my door."

Tracer moved forward, and began shifting through some papers on his desk.

"The dame came to me with a case. I was in charge of breaking a code. A code that had been in existence for generations. The construction paper code. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but then again, you never hire a private eye for the trivial ones."

* * *

Calvin took his scissors, and placed them to his paper. He hesitated.

* * *

My goal?" Tracer said, looking through a portfolio on his desk. "Crack the code before someone else did. I knew from my sources that other people were trying to solve this puzzle. Some of them were getting a little close for comfort. I had to work fast."

* * *

Calvin took one more glance up at Susie, and then began cutting the paper.

* * *

Tracer set his portfolio down, and walked over to his window, where he watched the pouring rain slide down the glass against the background of the city.

"I needed a lead. Some kind of clue. I needed someone who had the brain for this kind of thing. Someone who had a knack for the riddle. An interpreter, if you will. The answer struck me like a golf club to the rib cage. My good buddy, _Hobbes._"

_BOOM!!!_

Lightening streaked across the sky.

* * *

Calvin stopped cutting.

He stared at the paper in his hands.

Then, his eyes drifted over to Hobbes, who had just about finished his clay tiger.

Calvin cut his eyes from side to side, then leaned in to Hobbes' ear.

"Hobbes, quick, I need an inspiration! What do I make?" He hissed, glancing at Susie.

Hobbes turned around, and stared at Calvin for a second.

"Uhhh... I don't know... What do you want to make?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"That's why I'm asking you! I need a suggestion!" Calvin whispered.

Hobbes rubbed his chin.

"Well, you could make a mobile... or... maybe a puppet... Or perhaps some origami? I don't know..."

Calvin tapped his chin.

"Thanks, Hobbes! My problems are solved!" He grinned.

He turned back to his paper.

Hobbes stared at him.

"Whatever." He said, rolling his eyes.

* * *

Tracer walked back his desk, and took the portfolio out again.

"Hobbes was a clever individual. I was only glad he was on my side. He had placed the chisel into the stone and delivered the first punch for me. Now, all I had to do is finish his work."

Calvin took two regular piece of paper, and began to roll them up into tubes. He then took his glue and attached them, along with some pieces of string.

Tracer sat at his desk, writing, furiously on a piece of paper, pausing only to take a drink from his bottle of water.

Calvin took another piece of paper, and rapidly began folding it.

Tracer wiped some sweat from his brow, and grinned with satisfaction.

* * *

Calvin then began tying his origami to the pieces of string before him.

He grinned with satisfaction.

* * *

"I had broken the case." Tracer said, standing up. "It was actually quite simple. Three very different items were to be combined. Mobiles, origami, and puppets. They were the key to the code, and once I had set everything up, the riddle seemed to unfold itself. So, with that, I closed the case."

* * *

"OK, time's up, people." Earl said, standing up from his chair. "Let's see whatever it is you made."

The kids all eagerly gathered their projects up, and prepared to show them to the two counselors.

John and Earl walked up to Calvin, first.

Calvin turned in his seat, and grinned up the two.

"Alright, Calvin, what in the world did you make?" John asked, expressionlessly.

"Well, I made a mobile of origami puppets!" Calvin chuckled, holding up his project.

John and Earl stared, blankly at the item Calvin held up.

It was indeed a mobile, you can't argue with that. And there were indeed puppets hanging from it.

"Any particular reason all your origami puppets are severed heads from popular cartoon shows?" John asked, poker faced.

Calvin stared at them.

"Ya know, that's the problem with the world, today." He said, his brow furrowing. "You can't accept originality any more!"

Earl leaned in and studied the mobile.

"I can see you've sewed their mouths shut." He said, emotionlessly.

"Right, what's wrong with that?" Calvin demanded.

It was then that Calvin became aware that all the kids was staring at him with wide eyes.

Calvin glared at them.

"Well," John said, pushing his sunglasses into place. "That's always nice. What's next?"

Calvin grumbled to himself as John and Earl walked past him, and up to Susie, at the table next to him.

"What have you made?" John asked.

Susie reached over and picked her project up.

"Oh, it's a just a pop up card for my parents." She said, picking the paper up, and opening it.

The kids' eyes all popped open with interest, as Susie's card revealed a green school bus with the words Camp Pine written on it.

"And look, when you pull this, the wheels move." Susie began tugging at a flap of paper sticking out of the bus.

The wheels suddenly started rolling.

The kids watched, fascinated by it.

Calvin's eyes narrowed.

"Huh." Earl said, finally. "Well, that's very nice. What else do we have?"

"Hobbes?" Calvin asked.

"Mmm yes?" Hobbes asked.

"What is so great about a pop up card with a paper bus?"

"Oh, people are suckers for pop ups, these days."

Calvin's eyes slammed shut.

* * *

That day, the activities continued.

There was a small hike through the woods, followed by a scavenger hunt, and swimming lessons from Counselor Jay. Calvin somehow managed to get out of that.

Calvin glared straight ahead, sitting in the shade of a maple tree with Hobbes, while John, Earl, and the kids watched Jay splashing around, frantically, in the shallow water, screaming for help.

"I can't believe this, Hobbes." Calvin growled, while Hobbes sat next to him eating an apple. "Susie has outrun me, out-canoed me, out-arts and craftsed me! She even found all the stuff on the scavenger hunt list before_ I_ did!!"

"Uh huh." Hobbes said, crunching on his apple. "Well you know, she didn't find it all, first. That other kid with the blond hair found everything, before she did.

"That doesn't matter!" Calvin said. "We have to do something before she out-something elses me!"

"Ever get the idea that you might be overreacting a bit?" Hobbes asked.

"No," Calvin said, turning and staring at him. "What would give you that idea? Now then, we have to plan our revenge on Susie Derkins!"

"Sure." Hobbes said, taking another bite out of the apple.

He laid back, and looked up at the sky.

"Wow," He observed, taking another bite out of his apple. "Looks like there's a big thunder storm coming."

Calvin glared at him.

"What are you talking about? This is the hottest, brightest weather I've seen all year!"

Hobbes pointed upward.

Calvin's head went to the sky.

Rolling in from the northeast was a large black cloud. The only bits of light inside it was the constant flashes of lightning coming from it.

"Huh." Calvin said, squinting at it. "All the more reason to get out of here."

He turned to John, Earl, and the kids who had their backs to him.

"Mr Inspector Cold?" He shouted, putting his hand into the air.

John turned his head, and stared blankly at Calvin.

"What?"

"May I have permission to go to the cabin?"

"No."

"Alright."

Calvin put his hand down.

"Darn." He hissed.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

Calvin put his hand up again.

"Hey!" He yelled.

John turned and stared at him, again.

"What do you want?" He demanded.

"I'm going to cabins now! Got it?"

John stared at him for a long moment.

"Whatever," He sighed, turning back and staring at Jay, who was currently dog paddling around in circles.

"Hot dog!" Calvin yelled, grabbing Hobbes, and rushing up the hill with him.

* * *

"This top secret meeting of the G.R.O.S.S. (**G**et **R**id **O**f **S**limy girl**S**) club, is now called to order." Calvin said, doing a salute.

Hobbes clapped.

Both Calvin and Hobbes were wearing newspaper hats. They had taken the sheets off all the beds, and had hung them as curtains around the entire cabin. The doors were all locked and the windows were closed up.

"Time for the roll call." Calvin said, holding up a piece of paper. "Dictator-for-life Calvin is present."

"President Hobbes is present." Hobbes said.

"Excellent. Glad everyone could make it." Calvin said, looking up. "Now then, before we begin, Secretary Hobbes will read off the minutes of the last meeting. Hobbes?"

"Thank you." Hobbes said, clearing his throat, and holding up a piece of paper. "Ahem. **June 1st, 10:53AM**: Meeting is called to order. 10:54AM: Minutes from last meeting read. Dictator-for-life Calvin objects to the level of truth contained in those minutes. **10:57AM:** Philosophical deliberation. **11:35AM:** President Hobbes settles debate by heaving Dictator-for-life Calvin into the pond. Dictator-for-life Calvin retaliates by grabbing President Hobbes' tail, and pulling him underwater, as well. **11:37AM:** Agreed to a truce. Towels handed out and bandages administrated. Metals of bravery awarded to all parties. **11:40AM:** Meeting adjourned."

"Thank you." Calvin said, clapping his hands. "Now, then, on to new business. Secretary Hobbes, prepare to start recording."

"Righto." Hobbes said, whipping out a notepad and pencil.

"As many of you are aware, we are being subjected to a form of child abuse, known to most parents as summer camp." Calvin said. "Also attending is the club's mortal enemy, SUSIE DERKINS! Susie has publicly humiliated the dictator-for life and for that, revenge must be carried out!"

Hobbes began writing.

Calvin began pacing.

"The only question to this problem, is how we are going to go about delivering our vengeance out on her. Since everyone is under the watchful eye of that Chill freak, blasting Susie with a water balloon right out of the blue is out of the question. Any other suggestions?"

There was a moment of silence.

Hobbes stared at Calvin for a long time.

"I see," Calvin said, to himself, rubbing his chin, and going back to his pacing.

"Well, apparently, we're going to have to wait until both Chill and Earl are gone and when Susie is in a specific part of the camp that security cameras aren't set up at."

"Oh, I have the security camera problem solved." Calvin said. "Observe."

Calvin turned and began ruffling through his duffel bag.

He pulled out a small black squirt gun.

Hobbes stared at it.

"The Transmogrifier Gun?" He inquired.

Calvin chuckled, and turned to the security camera, still hanging from the corner of the ceiling.

He closed one eye and aimed the gun.

_ZAP!_

Hobbes blinked, as he watched a comb fall from the ceiling and land on the floor with clank.

There was a moment of silence.

"A comb?" Hobbes demanded.

Calvin glared at him.

"Well, what do you want? I was working on short notice. _You_ try to come up with something creative in less than five seconds!"

"Oh, OK, never mind." Hobbes said, rolling his eyes.

"Now, the only thing we have to worry about is John and that other guy."

"Earl."

"Whatever. We have to think about this for a moment. When is John _not_ breathing down our necks?"

There was a moment of silence.

"When he's asleep?" Hobbes suggested.

There was another moment of silence.

Calvin gave Hobbes a blank stare.

"Hobbes, when was the last time you saw John nodding off?"

"We've only been here for half a day, Calvin." Hobbes replied.

"Exactly! That freak must drink forty cups of coffee every morning! He doesn't even yawn!"

Hobbes yawned.

"And furthermore, that's a dumb idea to begin with, because even John and Earl did fall asleep, Susie would just go straight to them and wake them up after our wave of attacks!"

"Uh huh." Hobbes said. "Well, do you have any other ideas?"

Calvin checked his watch.

"Not exactly. Anyway, it's five o'clock. If we want to get fed, tonight we have to get down to the cafeteria, before 5:01. Meeting adjourned."

"And a very productive meeting, it was." Hobbes said, doing a salute.

"As always." Calvin nodded. "Now, let's go eat."

Calvin walked over to the door, and unlocked it.

_BOOM!!  
_  
Calvin and Hobbes stared, blankly outside.

The sun, which had been so intensely bright only a few minutes ago, was suddenly gone, covered up by the large storm.

Rain was pelting down to the ground like hail, lightning was flashing all around, and thunder and snapping from everywhere.

"Huh," Hobbes said. "I thought we came up here to _avoid_ the rain."

Calvin glared at him.

* * *

Five of the counselors stood grinning in the kitchen, staring at the kids as they piled in, trying to escape the rain.

Weird thing about this counselors is that they all looked exactly the same. Except they had different color hair. These ones had yellow, red, bright blue, green, and white.

Uh huh...

Also, they were all wearing white uniforms with cooking hats on. they had transparent gloves on and grey name tags with the names, Biff, Danny, Lace, Carl, and Bill.

Bill was the only one not grinning. He was staring at the kids with a blank expression.

Calvin and Hobbes were the last ones to come in.

They both looked like they had just climbed out of a swimming pool.

Calvin's hair had collapsed under the water and laid flat on his head. He did not look that happy about the state of the world.

Hobbes, on the other hand, as soon as he entered the building went off to himself where he wouldn't hit Calvin, which would only make him angrier, and began shaking himself off like a dog.

By the time he had returned, Calvin had dried his hair off with a towel, and was glaring at the tiger, who was completely dry now.

"I sure am glad you went off to the side to that, Hobbes." He growled, taking the towel off his head, revealing his restored spiky hairdo.

"Well, I only do it around you when you're in a good mood." Hobbes replied.

"Whatever." Calvin said, turning around, and staring at the long line of kids in front of him.

"When are we eating?" He demanded, looking around the line.

"Uh, I don't know." Hobbes said.

"HELLO, KIDLETS!" Biff suddenly shouted, throwing his arms to the sky, and leaning out of the window. "HOW ARE-ETH THOU?!?!"

The kids stared at him with blank eyes.

Calvin tapped his foot, and crossed his arms, his eyes narrowing.

"Let me begin by saying that I am so glad that you have made it to our really weird camp, this year! It brings tears of joy to my eyes!!" Biff yelled, grinning at the kids.

"And to represent those tears," Danny said, holding up a piece of paper. "We've written a touching poem for you all!!"

Everyone glared at them. Especially Calvin, who was getting more impatient by the second.

Danny cleared his throat, and began reading.

"Roses are red, violets are hue, our camp is like a moving van, except the driver's bailed out!!"

Silence filled the cafeteria. Broken only with the occasional explosion of thunder from outside.

Calvin clenched his fists, and glared at the counselors, who seemed totally unfazed by the silence.

"Also," Lace said, stepping forward. "To make sure you're all happy and hungry, we're going to have a roll call for whoever wants to eat now!!"

Lace ripped another piece of paper out of his pocket.

Calvin growled, angrily, and his face began shaking.

"ALEX!!!" Lace shouted.

"Yes." Alex growled.

"PAUL!!!!"

"Yes..." Another kid said.

"EMILY!!!!"

"Yes," One girl sighed.

"CALVIN!!!"

"WOULD YOU HURRY UP!!!" Calvin screamed.

The counselors looked up, and grinned, insanely.

Except for Bill, who's expression remained blank.

"Your welcome!" Lace yelled.

Calvin's eyes slammed shut.

Lace then went back to reading off of the paper.

Several minutes went by, and Calvin thought he was going to go mad.

"SUSIE!!!!"

"_yes!_" Susie growled.

"CANDACE!!!"

"You already asked me." Candace sighed.

"Right, PAUL!!!"

"For the last time, YES!!!" Paul shouted.

"YOU'VE READ THE LIST FIVE TIMES!!!" Calvin shouted, throwing his arms into the air, hysterically. "CAN WE _PLEASE_ EAT NOW!!!!"

The counselors looked up, and stared around the room.

"Good enough for me." Bill said in a dull, monotone voice.

"ALRIGHT THEN!!!" Carl yelled, grinning insanely. "But before we begin eating...!" He pointed at the selection of food before him. "Let us stand around and stare at each other and see who goes crazy first!!"

Calvin's eyes slammed shut and his teeth gritted.

So, with total impatience and frustration, he pushed past everyone in his way, Hobbes draped around his shoulder, pulled a tray off the table, and began putting his choice of food on to it.

The other kids took their trays and did the same.

Calvin, once he had reached the end of the stand, had managed to pile every single different kind of food on top, and was currently trying to keep it all from falling off.

Several kids rolled their eyes as Calvin walked past them, holding everything in place with his stuffed tiger sprawled over his shoulder.

Calvin sat down at one of the picnic tables, placed inside the building, and set his tray down.

Hobbes sat down with him.

"Lot of food." He observed.

"Of course," Calvin said, taking his spork off the napkin before him. "I'm going to need a lot of energy for whatever John and that other bald guy has waiting for me."

"Right."

Calvin then began devouring his huge hero sandwich which lay on top of all the hamburgers, deviled eggs, french fries and every thing else he had managed to pile on, while Hobbes chewed on a couple of tuna sandwiches which he picked up on Calvin's rampage.

By this time, all the other kids had gotten their food, had sat down, and a large blast of talking spread out throughout the room, as everyone started talking to each other at once.

"Well, Hobbes," Calvin said, talking over the various voices and forcing a mouthful of sandwich down. "We've somehow managed to get through the first day. What do you think the other thirteen are going to be like?"

"Well," Hobbes considered.

There was a moment of silence.

"Uh, I don't know. Summer camps usually have a lot of different things lined up every day." He said, finally.

"Huh." Calvin said, turning back to his sandwich. "Well, the second they start expecting us to eat pig intestines when the Fear Factor crew arrives, I'm striking out for home."

"Uh huh." Hobbes said, rolling his eyes.

He turned and looked out the window.

The sun had already gone behind one of the huge mountains surrounding the camp, so a large curtain of black accompanied the pouring rain as it pressed against the window.

Hobbes stared, lazily, outside into the rainy darkness.

Suddenly... something happened.

Suddenly, and out of nowhere, the silhouette of something large moved across the window, and then out of sight, again.

It happened so quickly, Hobbes barely had enough time to see it.

His eyes popped open and the hair on his back began to stand up.

Was he seeing things? No, he had saw it quite clearly.

Hobbes stood up, unbeknownst to Calvin, and walked over to the window.

He squinted his eyes and stared out past the water trickling down the window, and into the darkness.

Everything was still._  
_

_BOOM!!_

Suddenly, more lightning streaked across the sky and lit up the campground with another tremendous boom.

Hobbes cut his eye from side to side, and looked hard in the split second of light he had.

Nothing was there.

"Hobbes, what are you doing?" Calvin demanded, his mouth stuffed with sandwich.

Calvin's voice snapped Hobbes back to the room, and he turned around.

"Oh, nothing. I just thought I saw something moving out there." He said, turning and giving the window a suspicious glance.

"Huh. It's probably one of the counselors, running around and singing in the rain or whatever it is they do. Come over and sit down or I'm taking your sandwich."

Hobbes hesitated, took one more glance at the window, then slowly sat down next to Calvin.

"I don't know, Calvin." He said, picking his sandwich up. "It didn't look like any of the counselors..."

"Uh huh." Calvin said, taking a bite out of his sandwich. "Well, how am I supposed to know who it was? Maybe it was Vi."

"Who?"

"The disembodied head that chants 'John Stuart killed me'." Calvin replied.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"No, Calvin it had a torso. I'm pretty sure of that." He said.

"Well, there's still a variety of things it could have been." Calvin said. "Shall I list it off?"

"No, you're lists are infinite holes." Hobbes sighed. "Just forget it. It could have just been the rain on the window."

Calvin shrugged, and took another bite out of his sandwich.

Hobbes took another bite out of his sandwich.

He turned his head, and scanned the window one more time, then turned away from it.

It was about then that things started going downhill for Calvin and Hobbes.

_WAY_ downhill...


	5. The Invasion

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!!" Calvin screamed, exploding from the cafeteria, and covering his head, as he raced through the rain, trying to get to the cabins. 

Susie stared after him, still in her seat next to Candace.

"Why didn't he just take one of the several umbrellas by the door?" She asked, turning to her friend.

Candace shrugged and rolled her eyes.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!!" Calvin shrieked, rushing up to the top of the hill, ripping the cabin's door open, and collapsing inside, slamming it behind him.

Hobbes was already there.

Calvin stood up, and glared at him.

He was sitting on the bed, filing his nails, and whistling.

He wasn't even wet.

"How the heck did you get here before I did?" Calvin demanded. "I left you behind in the cafeteria!"

"Tigers have special running capibilities." Hobbes sniffed.

Calvin rolled his eyes.

"Yeah right. You somehow passed me up without me noticing, and got here to the cabin before I did, without getting wet. Right. Where's my duffel bag?"

"It's right there." Hobbes said, pointing to the ground. "and you know, anyone could have passed you and you wouldn't have noticed considering how loud you were screaming and how tight your eyes were shut."

"Shut up." Calvin glared, walking over to his bag, and rooting through it. "We still have to come up with some kind of plan to get revenge on Susie."

"In this rain?" Hobbes asked, looking around. "Calvin, our usual goal is to get Susie _soaked _with a water balloon, while keeping _ourselves_ dry."

"Behold, Hobbes, the wonder invention called the _umbrella._" Calvin said, reaching over, and picking a large black umbrella up.

"Uh, right..." Hobbes said, rolling his eyes. "Susie's really going to know the difference, seeing how she's going to have to cross the rain to get to her cabin."

"Who cares?" Calvin demanded. "We'll have soaked her even more! Now come on, you're in charge of lookout! Do we have everything we need?"

"Let's see."

Hobbes peered over the side of the bed, at some items on the floor, which Calvin had yanked out of the bag.

"Water balloons?" Calvin asked.

"Check." Hobbes replied.

"Secret code?"

"Check."

"Walki talkis?"

"Check."

"Transmogrifier Gun?"

"Check."

"Fire extinguisher?"

"Empty. Shot it off into your face."

"Right." Calvin growled. "Flare gun?"

"Ibid." Hobbes replied. "Used it to cook today's breakfast."

"Uh huh." Calvin said. "Parachute?"

"Used it to put out the fires." Hobbes replied.

"First aid kit?"

"Used it all on the counselors' goof ups."

"Ham radio?"

"Can't find it. It's lost in that bag, somewhere."

"Whatever."

Calvin put his list back into the duffel bag.

"Let's go fill this babies up!" He chuckled, picking the water balloons up.

* * *

"Striped Terror to Boy genius." Hobbes said, into his walki talki. "The target has been located, over."

Hobbes, who had a blank expression on his face, was standing in the middle of the rain, holding an umbrella in one hand and a group of water balloons and a walki talki in the other.

Right.

"Striped Terror, I also have the target under surveillance. Prepare for the first wave of attack. Over."

Hobbes sighed.

"What is the point to this?" He demanded, walking over to a tree with his umbrella and water balloons.

Susie was still inside the cafeteria, chewing on her food and talking and laughing with Candace.

Suddenly, Susie stood up and began collecting her dishes.

"OK, Calvin, Susie's picking her tray up. She's getting ready to leave. Over" Hobbes said, holding the walki talki up.

There was a pause.

Then, Calvin's reply came.

"Striped Terror, use the darn code names! Do you want everyone to know who we are? Over." He demanded.

Hobbes blinked.

"Uhhh..."

"Exactly. So use the names, fuzzface! Over."

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"OK, OK, the target is setting the tray on the counter, she's collecting her umbrella next to the door. Over."

There was a moment of silence.

Hobbes stared at the door of the cafeteria.

Then, his eyes went back to the walki talki into his hands.

Calvin hadn't replied, yet.

He raised an eyebrow.

"Uh, Boy Genius?" He asked into it. "Hello? Calvin? Susie's leaving the cafeteria. Do you read me?"

Hobbes took his finger off the button and waited.

White noise met his question.

"Calvin, what are you doing?" Hobbes demanded. "Susie's opening the door. She's moving into position. Do you read me?"

Static.

Hobbes sighed.

"Fine, I'll just wait for your signal then." He said, sticking the walki talki into a pocket sewed into his fur.

He then peeked around the tree, and watched Susie extend the umbrella out, and begin walking into the rain.

Hobbes' eyes narrowed.

Calvin should have given him the signal to attack by now. What was going on?

Suddenly, the wind began picking up.

Hobbes turned his head upward.

Suddenly, the wind, which had been so still just a second ago, was blowing hard through the campsite, causing the trees to lean to one side.

Hobbes blinked

Then, he turned and stared at his walki talki.

Static.

He turned, and looked back around the campsite.

Calvin was nowhere in sight and tiny pieces of candy wrappers and pebbles were tumbling across the ground.

Susie had began walking up the trail, towards the cabins.

Hobbes peeked around the tree, and looked all around for Calvin.

Something was wrong here.

"Calvin, where the heck _are_ you? Susie is gone. You didn't do anything. What's going on?"

Hobbes took his finger off the button.

_SCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!_

"AAAAUGH!!!"

Hobbes dropped the walki talki in alarm, as a high pitched shrill exploded from the speakers.

This, of course, caused him to drop the water balloons with it.

The device hit the grass, and was suddenly went silent.

Hobbes stared at it with wide eyes, standing away from it as if expecting it to blow up at any moment.

Very slowly, he moved forward, bent down, and picked it up.

The speakers were quiet. No static or anything.

Or, was there...?

Hobbes blinked, several times.

He leaned in and listened, hard.

Were there _voices_ coming out of the speakers?

Hobbes squinted his eyes and leaned his ear against the speakers.

No good. The reception wasn't good enough.

Suddenly, the wind began quieting down.

Hobbes looked back up.

As abruptly as it had started, the wind had stopped, completely, and now only the heavy rain poured down.

Hobbes turned back to the walki talki.

The voices were gone. In its place was thick static.

Hobbes stared at it for a long throbbing moment.

Then, a calming voice brought him back into reality.

"_HOBBES!!! WHAT THE HECK IS _WRONG _WITH YOU?!?!?!_"

"YIKES!!!"

Hobbes leaped several feet into the air, dropping the umbrella, and landing several feet away in the rain.

Calvin stood under the tree holding his umbrella, walki talki and water balloons, and glaring at Hobbes.

"Oh... hi... Calvin." Hobbes said, laying face down in the grass. "What can I do for you?"

"Well, it's a little too late for you to do anything _now_ isn't it?!" Calvin demanded.

Slowly, Hobbes stood up, picked his umbrella back up, and shook himself off.

"Here I am waiting for your signal to attack, and instead you just come on and breath into the speakers! Susie escapes, _we're _the ones who get soaked, and now these balloons are going to go to waste!" Calvin complained. "What do you have to say for yourself?!"

"Uhhh..."

"This entire day of planning is gone! Down the drain! _Wasted!!_ Have you no heart?!"

"Uhhh..."

"I can't believe you betrayed the entire G.R.O.S.S. club!"

"Calvin, are you overreacting, again?" Hobbes asked.

"NO, I'M NOT!!!" Calvin bellowed.

There was a moment of silence, cut only with the loud cracks of lightning.

"I suppose we could always just follow Susie, and throw the water balloon at her before she goes into her cabin..." Hobbes said.

There was another moment of silence.

"Hobbes, I'm a genius!!" Calvin shouted, whirling around. "I just came up with the idea of the century!!"

"Uh huh." Hobbes said, rolling his eyes.

* * *

Susie walked up the large hill towards her cabin.

She was wearing a yellow rain coat and hat, galoshes, and was holding a black umbrella above her.

Really makes sense to run up and attack her with water balloons, doesn't it?

She climbed up the wooden stairs onto the cabin's front porch.

She then put the umbrella down, and started to unbutton her raincoat.

Calvin watched from a bush nearby.

He was totally soaked by this time.

His hair no longer held its spiky form, and now lay flat on his head.

"OK, Hobbes, she's taking her coat off, she's vulnerable. When I give the signal, rush forward, and attack! Got it?"

"How come I don't get to give the signal?" Hobbes asked, from over the speakers.

"You already blew it once, Hobbes. This is our last chance." Calvin growled. "Stay in formation."

Calvin held his water balloon up, and waited.

Susie took her hat off, and turned to the door.

"OK, Hobbes, GUH..."

RUSTLE, RUSTLE, PRIK, SNAP!!

Calvin whirled around.

He cut his eyes from side to side.

Something was in the bushes next to him.

There was a moment of silence.

"Hobbes?" He asked.

There was no reply.

"Hobbes is that you?"

Silence.

"If it is you, Hobbes, then I must warn you that you are breaking formation and thus violating Section IV, Article eight of G.R.O.S.S. policies. Hobbes?"

Nothing.

Then... Suddenly...

Heavy breathing.

Calvin cut his eyes from side to side.

"Hobbes, you never told me you had asthma. I don't mean to be rude, but it's extremely annoying. Would you please..."

Just then, a voice came on in the speakers.

"Calvin?" Hobbes asked. "Calvin, are you there?"

Calvin held the speaker up.

"Yes, I'm here, Hobbes." He growled into it. "And I would appreciate it if you got back into position and stopped breathing all over me! You smell like fifteen dead fish!"

There was a moment of silence.

"Calvin, I am in position." Hobbes replied, suddenly from over the speakers. "I'm in the third branch on the tree twenty seven feet from you to the north east."

"Don't give me that. You're in the bushes with me, breathing and being creepy! So knock it off!" Calvin spat.

"Calvin, I'm not in the bushes." Hobbes said. "I'm in the tree waiting for your signal, which by the way, will be useless, now, considering Susie just entered the foundation."

"That's no excuse and stop arguing with me!" Calvin said. "You're acting like some kind of creepy vampire-ghost freak in here. Is this some kind of pathetic attempt to frighten me?"

A large sigh came out from over the speakers.

"Calvin, look at the tree to your left." He grumbled.

Calvin looked up.

He scanned the immediate area, and saw...

Uh...

Hobbes waving at him from the tree nearby.

There was a long moment of silence.

Calvin looked back and forth between Hobbes, and the darkness next to him where the breathing was coming from.

"Hobbes, what are you doing in that tree!" He demanded.

"Waiting for your signal." Hobbes sighed.

"Well, thanks to the fact that you're not in the bushes, I'm probably going to be messily devoured by some kind of camp mutation! What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Uh..."

"Exactly! This isn't supposed to be a horror film! But since you're not here, it's probably going to turn into one!"

"Calvin, get out of the bushes."

"Don't tell me what to do! I'll get out of the bushes when I'm good and ready!"

Suddenly, a low growling reached Calvin's ears.

He turned around.

His eyes popped open.

There were a pair of glowing yellow eyes staring at him through the darkness.

There was a pause.

Calvin gulped.

"And, uh, I think I might actually be ready to depart the bushes, now so... GET OUT OF MY WAY!!! MOVE OVER!!! MONSTER!!! _HELP!!!!_"

There was a large explosion of leaves and branches, and Calvin burst from the bushes, making a B-line to his cabin.

He raced up the stairs onto the cabin's porch, and struggled with the doorknob.

He ripped the door open, and bolted inside.

Hobbes was already there.

Calvin glared at him as he slammed the door, and locked it.

"Hobbes, quick! Close the windows! Turn off all the lights! Make the beds! _THERE'S SOMETHING OUT THERE!!!_"

"I noticed." Hobbes replied, dully.

Calvin raced over, and checked all the windows.

Darkness. There was no sign of anything outside, except for the rain, which pounded down onto their roof.

"It's out there somewhere!" He shouted, ripping the curtains shut. "And it tried to kill me, eat me, re-kill me, and then use one of my ear bones as a tooth pick! THANK GOODNESS I'M NOT AN UNLIKEABLE SIDE CHARACTER!!!!"

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"What did it look like, Calvin?" He asked, sitting down on the bed.

"I didn't get a good enough look at it!" Calvin said, checking another window. "But it had two eyes, that's for sure."

Hobbes rolled his eyes, again.

"So, what kind of eyes were they? Bulged and bloodshot? That seems to be common traits among horror film monsters these days."

"Very true, but no." Calvin said, spinning around. "These eyes were bright yellow! And they were glowing! Kind of like car headlights. It also seemed like they were compound! Yes, they were compound, yellow, glowing eyes!!!"

"I see." Hobbes said, rubbing his chin. "Well, that rules out Arnold Schwarzenegger. Do you think there's a chance that Winslow and Maurice followed us here?"

"The monsters under my bed? I don't know..."

Calvin looked back outside.

Nothing.

"All I know is that we're going to have to lock up, and open the door to _NO ONE_ all night!"

"Uh huh." Hobbes said.

"OPEN THIS DOOR!!!" Came a booming voice from outside.

Calvin and Hobbes looked around.

_POUND!! POUND!! POUND!! POUND!!_

The duo exchanged glances.

"Well, I'll make an exception this time." Calvin sighed, walking over to the door, and unlocking it.

Moe, Moe's gang, Alex, and that other kid all stood on the porch, dripping wet, and glaring at Calvin.

"Ah, hello, roommates!" Calvin yelled, holding his arm outward. "By any chance did you see any bug-eyed, octopus bodied, freaks walking around outside?"

The kids glared at Calvin.

"I see. Well, come on in!"

Calvin stepped aside, and the five kids walked inside.

He glared, suspiciously, outside, slowly closed the door, and locked it, again.

It only took the kids fifteen minutes to brush their teeth, put on their pajamas, and in Moe's case, shave, and get ready for bed.

Calvin and Hobbes however, participated zero percent in this, and only barley watched the other kids.

They're attention kept wandering over to the windows.

They were both on edge.

Hobbes, especially.

Meanwhile, Moe, Moe's gang, Alex, and that other kid were all fluffing their pillows up, and getting the covers ready.

"Lights out, Twinky," Moe ordered, as he climbed into his own bed. "I don't need your stupid lamp blaring at me all night!"

Calvin stared at Moe for a long moment.

"Uh, Moe, how about we leave all the lights _on_, tonight?" He asked, sheepishly. "Ya know, just to make sure no Japanese Grudge curses sneak in while we're asleep?"

Moe stared at him.

"What?" He demanded. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh, you've heard of those, haven't you?" Calvin asked, crossing his arms. "It has one of those hovering squid ladies with throat conditions? And do you know how annoying those cat-voiced little boys can get? They're constantly screeching, meowing, opening their mouths at you, and then they wear those shorts! _Those horrible, disturbing shorts!!_"

Everyone stared at Calvin, trying to figure out what he was talking about.

"I said, _turn the lights off!_" Moe growled, leaning in towards Calvin.

"Turning the lights off." Calvin said, reaching over, and switching his lamp off.

_CLICK!_

The cabin fell into darkness.

Calvin and Hobbes began shivering, then slowly, began climbing under the covers.

Several minutes went by.

As Calvin and Hobbes' eyes adjusted to the darkness, they began making out the outlines of the various items in cabin.

The small wooden chair in the corner, the beds around them, the duffel bags and backpacks stationed at the floor underneath each bed, and the tall pine trees, which loomed over them through the window.

Over time, the rain had started becoming lighter, before stopping, completely, throwing everything into dead silence.

Calvin and Hobbes looked around.

"OK, Hobbes, here's the plan," Calvin whispered to his tiger companion. "We can take turns on guard duty. One of us can stay up til say midnight or so, then wake up the other person so they can do guard for a while. How does that sound?"

"Depends." Hobbes replied. "Who's going first?"

"Well, I always assumed _you_ enjoyed staying up late, seeing how cats are nocturnal, so how's about you volunteer for the first guarding session?"

"Uh huh." Hobbes replied. "And what exactly are we guarding ourselves from?"

"What? Oh I dunno, some kind of raging, blood thirsty hell beast. Goodnight, Hobbes!" And with that, Calvin pulled the covers over his head, and closed his eyes.

"Thanks," Hobbes sighed.

He sat up in bed, and began looking around the cabin.

Everything seemed normal.

The night wore on.

Hobbes yawned, and held his arm up.

He pushed a button on his digital watch, and a green LCD light came on.

Hobbes checked the time.

Eleven twenty three

He sighed, and held his arms back down as the light died down.

He looked around the cabin again.

He had been on guard duty for two hours.

"Calvin?" He asked, turning to his sleeping companion. "Calvin, are you awake?"

Calvin didn't reply.

"Calvin?" Hobbes asked, again. "I'm going to sleep, now. It's your turn to... Calvin?"

Calvin grunted, and pulled the covers up over his head.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"OK, fine, well, I'm going to sleep, now. Nighty night."

And with that, Hobbes dropped down underneath the covers, and closed his eyes.

He was just starting to fall asleep, when suddenly...

He heard a noise.

_CREEEEAK!!_

Hobbes' eyes popped open.

He bolt straight up in bed, and looked around.

Everything was normal.

Except for one small tiny detail.

The door had somehow unlocked and opened itself, and was now wide open to the world.

Hobbes stared wide eyed at the door.

"Uh, Calvin?"

"Uuuuuh?" Calvin grunted, rolling over in his sleep.

"Calvin," Hobbes said, softly. "Someone just came in."

"Uhhhhhhhhh..." Calvin groaned, refusing to wake up. "Tell Mom I have a sore throat. I don't want to go to school, today."

"Calvin wake up!" Hobbes snapped.

"Huh?" Calvin asked, bolting up in bed. "What? Did I miss something? Where are we, and who are you?"

Hobbes glared at him.

"Someone just came into the cabin, Calvin." Hobbes said.

Calvin's eyes came into focus.

"Hobbes, you're supposed to be guarding this place. What are waking _me _up for?" He demanded.

Hobbes stared at Calvin, dully, for a long moment.

Then, a light suddenly came on in Calvin's eyes.

"Oh..." He said, quietly.

Slowly he grabbed his flashlight out from under his pillow, and switched it on.

Light poured out, and struck the wooden floor.

Hobbes was the first to step off the bed and onto the floor.

The floorboards creaked as he did so.

Calvin followed him.

"OK, Hobbes, I don't want to alarm you, but I think something has just infiltrated our barriers and entered the fort." He whispered.

Hobbes glared at him.

"I think that's what _I _told you." He growled.

Calvin scanned the underside of all the beds, and looked around on all the walls.

Nothing seemed out of order.

Calvin and Hobbes checked the bathroom, and all the beds.

"OK, Hobbes," Calvin said, looking around. "Maybe it was a false alarm."

"What are you talking about?" Hobbes demanded. "The door just unbolted itself and opened up!"

"Hobbes there could be a very reasonable explanation for that." Calvin said.

"Really?" Hobbes asked. "What?"

"Door locks gremlins, of course." Calvin said. "Now come on, if we wake up anybody in here, they'll blame it on us!"

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

Calvin walked over to the door, and silently closed it.

He put the lock and dead bolt back on, and turned back to Hobbes.

"So there you have it, Hobbes. I declare this cabin free of all bug eyed freaks!"

There was a moment of silence.

"Except for Moe. Now let's go back to sleep."

And with that, Calvin switched his flashlight off, and started back towards his bed.

Hobbes looked around, then followed.

Suddenly, He stopped, dead in his tracks.

His eyes burst open and his his mouth dropped open.

"GAAAAAASP!!" He wheezed.

Calvin looked up.

"Hmmm?" He asked, dully.

Hobbes pointed at the left corner of the room.

Calvin looked around.

There was large dark shadow residing there, facing the boy and tiger.

There was a pause.

"Oh." Calvin said. "Forgot to check over there."

The shadow was still for a moment, but then, suddenly, it expanded outward, making a whoosh of cold air go out through the cabin, and started reaching out to other parts of it, engulfing it in total black.

Hobbes tried to scream, but it... well, kind of just died in his throat, so instead, he made some kind of high pitched gargling noise.

This seemed to attract the shadow's attention and suddenly, it began moving forward towards Calvin and Hobbes.

Calvin and Hobbes began backing up.

They bumped into the wall next to the door, and stood there, unable to go anywhere else.

The shadow kept coming.

Then, it stopped right in front of their faces.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at it, staring at it with petrified fear.

Suddenly, a large gust of wind moved throughout the cabin, and wide, yellow, compound eyes burst open in front of the two.

Bright red pupils rolled down from behind its head, and fixed right onto Calvin.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at it.

It stared at Calvin and Hobbes.

Then...

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!!!" Calvin and Hobbes both screamed at the top of their lungs, making the cabin shake.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGGH!!!!" The shadow screamed even louder, stumbling backwards at the duo's sudden outburst.

The kids inside the cabin jumped in shock.

Moe bumped his head on the underside of the bunk bed above him.

Hobbes frantically began unlocking the door, and ripped it open.

Calvin grabbed his duffel bag off the floor, threw it over his shoulders, and flew towards the door.

By this time, the dark shadow had completely vanished from sight, as it retracted back into the corner, and disappeared.

Calvin and Hobbes raced down the hill towards the lake.

Once they got there, they paused at the shore, and looked around frantically.

"Hobbes, what was thing?!?" Calvin shouted, looking back up towards the cabin.

"An afterthought?" Hobbes considered.

Calvin glared at him.

"Hobbes, this is serious! We could have been killed!"

He paused.

"Which, actually, is pretty cool when you think about it..." He contemplated.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"The point is that something was in that place, trying to eat us! It was big, black, had yellow eyes and it was creepy! It was like... like... _like..._"

"Like that thing crawling down the hill towards us in fast motion?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin looked up.

Right above them on one of the hills, something jet black was crawling downwards towards them. It was reaching forward with a black arm, grasping the ground, and pulling itself forward.

"Yeah, one of those." Calvin nodded.

There was a pause.

"_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!!!_" Calvin and Hobbes both screamed, running around in circles for a moment, then rushing off towards John and Earl's cabin.

"HELP!!!" Calvin screamed, banging on John's door. "MONSTERS!!! BLACK, CRAWLING, FAST, CREEPY, FREAKOS!! _HELP!!!!!_"

Calvin pounded and pounded on the door.

Nobody answered.

"Uh, Calvin?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin spun around.

Another large shadow was darting behind several trees, moving closer towards the duo.

Calvin looked around, frantically.

Then, in total blind terror, he grabbed Hobbes' arm, and start running off with him, towards the thick forestry beside the cabins.

He paused at the edge of the woods.

He looked back towards Camp Pine.

"Calvin, what are we doing?" Hobbes asked, nervously.

"Hobbes, somehow the idea of being murdered by bears and rattlesnakes doesn't terrify me as much. You?"

Hobbes stared at Calvin for a long moment.

"Calvin," Hobbes began. "You're not suggesting we go in _there?!_"

"Yeah, sort of." Calvin said.

"Calvin, we can't go in there! There aren't any trails!"

Just then, a loud high pitched screech rang out through the campsite.

Calvin and Hobbes spun around.

Right before them, was a giant boulder embedded into the ground.

Slowly, their eyes rolled upward towards the top.

A large, black tentacle was placed at the edge of the rock, and something was climbing up over it, towards them.

"On second thought. I could use a brisk jog." Hobbes said, backing up towards the forest. "How about you?"

"Couldn't agree more," Calvin shivered. "Let's fly!"

"_HEEEEEEELP!!!!_" Calvin and Hobbes both screamed, taking off into the forest.

Oops.


	6. Marooned

"What do you mean he's gone?!" John demanded, standing in the middle of Calvin's cabin. 

John, Earl, all the counselors, and all the kids had gathered around Cabin 2-B.

Moe, his gang, Alex, and the other one were out on the porch, while John and Earl stood in front of them, their arms crossed.

"He just left, sir." Alex said. "We were all asleep, and he just suddenly screamed, grabbed his bag, and ran off."

Moe and the other kids nodded.

John pushed his sunglasses into place. Yes, oddly enough, the man was still wearing his sunglasses in the pitch darkness. Earl, and the other counselors were too.

How were these people able even able to see the outlines of what they were standing in front of? I have no clue.

Earl turned around to one of the counselors before him.

"Jay, do you have the security footage?" He demanded, glaring at the man before him.

Jay stared at Earl for a long moment.

"Uh, yeah, well, about that..." He began.

John looked around at the counselors.

"What did you do, now?" He demanded.

"You destroyed them, didn't you?" Earl said, dully.

The counselors exchanged nervous glances.

"Well," Jay began. "We were trying to play baseball, but every time we threw the ball, it somehow went to the cameras and hit them!"

John and Earl stared at Jay for a long moment.

"Have you tried _not_ throwing the ball at the cameras?" Earl asked, his eyes narrowing.

There was a long pause.

Jay and Dave exchanged glances.

"Well, I guess we never thought about that..." Dave started.

Earl sighed, and his head fell to his chest.

John buried his face into his hands, and groaned.

"OK," Earl said, straightening up. "So we don't have any footage of what was going on." He turned to the confused kids before him. "Did _any_ of you perhaps witness this latest episode of his?"

The kids all exchanged glances.

Nobody moved.

"I see." Earl sighed.

Earl leaned into John's ear and hissed something into it.

Nobody heard it, but they could tell Earl wasn't very happy about the situation.

John turned to the counselors.

"Alright," he said to them. "I would like you all to do a thorough search of the forestry around here."

The counselors all reeled back in shock.

"But, we need our beauty sleep!" Erne protested.

John stared at them, blankly.

There was a moment of silence.

"Well, let's get started then!" Erne said, cheerfully.

"HOORAY FOR SEARCHING!!!" The counselors all yelled.

And with that, they all split up and went into the forest.

"As for the rest of you," Earl said, turning back to the children. "I would like you all to go back to your cabins for the night. We have everything under control."

"What if you can't find him?" Alex asked, nervously.

Earl turned and stared at him.

"We'll contact Search and Rescue. You say he only ran off half an hour ago?" He asked.

"Yeah, he's been gone for about twenty five minutes." Alex nodded.

"He can't have gotten that far." John said, turning and staring off into the forest. "It's the middle of the night and the terrain is too rough to get through very quickly anyway. Now, I want you all to go to back to bed. We'll have everything back to normal by morning."

The kids exchanged worried glances, then went off to their cabins.

Moe and the other four kids also went back into their cabin, and closed the door, leaving John and Earl alone in the darkness.

There was a long moment of silence.

"What are we supposed to do, now?" Earl asked, turning to John. "This is just ruining everything."

John rubbed his chin.

"If the crew doesn't find him, we'll be forced to call Search and Rescue to keep these kids from getting suspicious." Earl said. "And then, everything will be out of our hands. I want to know what just happened, tonight, and I want to know how to fix it."

John was silent for a second.

"They'll find him." He said, quietly. "The human body needs rest. With the kind of mountainous landscape around us and the fact that body naturally rests at this time, he can't have gotten far."

* * *

"OK, Hobbes, I'll set the Time Machine on auto pilot, and it'll steer us clear of any danger!" Calvin grinned, reaching into his duffel bag, and pulling out the cardboard box. 

Hobbes stared at him.

"Calvin, are you sure this is a good idea?" He asked.

"Oh, would you rather _run_ through the forest all night?" Calvin asked, turning to him.

Hobbes blinked.

"Well..."

"Good. Get into the box." Calvin said, climbing inside, and pushing some buttons.

Hobbes looked around, nervously at the trees, then jumped into the Time Machine with Calvin.

Calvin kept pushing the buttons, and the motor began to hum.

"I'll just set the coordinates to 'avoid all flesh eating zombie freaks', and then it will steer us back to the camp in the morning."

"Are you sure?" Hobbes asked.

"Of course I'm sure!" Calvin spat. "Have I ever lead you astray?"

There was a pause.

"Yes, several times, actually." Hobbes said.

"Well, this will be the exception. Put your vortex goggles on." Calvin replied, pushing the GO button on the box.

Hobbes complied, and put the goggles on, along with Calvin.

_VROOOM!_

Suddenly, all of the buttons on the machine lit up and the motor began humming.

The GO button began glowing bright green.

Slowly, the cardboard box lifted off the ground, swaying slightly, as the humming became faster.

Leaves and small pieces of dirt flew out from the underside of the box, as the box raised higher into the air.

Then, the back of the box, which had two yellow circles drawn on them, began glowing, brightly, lighting up the forest.

_BOOM!!!_

With tremendous force, the box roared forward, dodging trees and bushes, but heading straight forward, towards the Pine Mountain Range.

Calvin turned to Hobbes.

"There, you see? The danger is clearly at the camp right now. The box is programmed to avoid it all night."

"And then..." Hobbes began.

"Then it will take us _back_ to that raging death trap." Calvin replied. "Now, let's try to get some sleep."

"Calvin, how am I supposed to sleep comfortably in a humming cardboard box, that's bolting through a forest?" Hobbes demanded.

"How am I supposed to know?" Calvin responded. "Use your imagination."

And with that, Calvin reached into his duffel bag, pulled out his pillow and blanket, and curled up in the front of the box.

"Nighty night." He grinned.

Hobbes glared at him.

The night wore on.

Around three in the morning, Hobbes finally managed to doze off.

Next time you get the chance to sleep in a flying cardboard box, don't do it.

* * *

Susie laid in her bed, the covers pulled up to her head. 

Slowly, her eyes came open, and she looked around the room.

The first lights of morning were shining through the windows, and thrown across the floor.

Susie sat up, and yawned.

She got out of her bed, and walked over to the window.

Her eyes popped open.

There were several yellow trucks parked along Camp Pine's drive in.

Several people were gathered around the camp. They were all wearing yellow uniforms, and they were looking around the area.

John Chill and Earl were talking to two of the men, and Calvin's parents, who's eyes wide with fear.

The other counselors, however, were just standing around, grinning and staring off into space.

"What the heck..." She began.

Then, she remembered the events of last night.

"Oh... no.." She sighed.

* * *

"Mr Chill, what's going on?" Alex asked, walking down the hill towards John, Earl, Calvin's parents, and the two men in the yellow uniforms.

"Calvin's run off." John said, as Mom and Dad walked off with the two men. "I called Search and Rescue this morning."

"Is he going to be OK?" Another kid asked, walking up.

"How am _I_ supposed to know?" John asked.

"Well," One man said, walking up to John and Earl. "Our team has searched the forest up to the base of the mountains."

John and Earl stared at him.

"Meaning?" Earl asked.

"He's not in the forest here on the camp. He's went up the mountain." The man said. "I don't know what to make out of this."

John and Earl stared at him.

"It's hard. That's all I know." The man whined, looking up to the mountains.

John sighed.

"Are you going send your team up there to look for him?" Earl asked.

"Of course." The man said. "We have a chopper on the way. Should be here in the next hour or so, they'll go over the mountain and look for him, and we'll continue looking on foot."

"Good." John said.

The man turned around.

"Alright men! You're orders are clear! We have to scout the mountain side!" He shouted at some men stationed at the perimeter of the forest.

Several of them groaned, loudly.

"God, I love my job." The man grinned at John.

John and Earl stared at him, blankly.

* * *

Calvin opened his eyes, and stared, sleepily around his surroundings. 

He sat up, yawned, and rubbed some sleep out his eyes.

Then, he looked around in all directions.

The box had landed in a heavily wooded area. There was a small trickle of water running down a small animal trail, and most of the trees blocked out the morning sunlight. Pine cones were falling all around them, and the chattering of an annoyed chipmunk reached Calvin's ears.

He turned around.

Hobbes was curled up in a ball, sleeping silently in the corner of the box.

Suddenly, Calvin's eyes popped open.

He spun around, and examined the buttons and screens on the box's front panel.

Then, his eyes fell on the fuel gauge.

Oops.

Calvin looked up, and stared ahead.

He saw... rock slides, fallen and standing trees, dirt trails, and several pine needles and cones, which littered the ground.

Hoo boy...

Calvin leaped out of the Time Machine, and rushed off down the trail, looking around in all directions.

Nothing.

He spun back around, then ran back up to the box.

He started fighting his way through trees and bare bushes, looking for some sign of Camp Pine.

After the tree branches got to thick, he turned back around, and started running back for the box.

He arrived back at the Time Machine, and looked around frantically.

North. Trees. South. More trees. East. A small dirt trail. West. A large rock slide.

Calvin rubbed his chin in thought.

"Wow, wasn't expecting this." He sighed.

Suddenly, a large yawn reached Calvin's ears.

He whirled around, and stared at the box.

Hobbes was stretching all four paws, and yawning loudly.

"What... what did I miss last night?" He smacked, looking around.

There was a long moment of silence.

Calvin rubbed the back of his neck.

"Uhhhh... yeah," He began.

"You got us lost, didn't you?" Hobbes asked, turning to his companion.

"Well, lost is such a strong word..." Calvin began. "How about marooned?"

Hobbes stared at him.

"Right." Calvin said.

"Ignoring the fact that this is completely your fault," Hobbes began. "What do you propose that we do, now?"

Calvin reached into his duffel bag, and pulled out a compass.

"Well, I propose that we should head, uh..."

The needle swung around several times, and then halted, pointed forward.

"I think we should try and find our way back to Camp Pine before anyone notices we're missing!"

Hobbes stared at Calvin for a long moment.

"Yes, because clearly no one noticed us _leaving._" He growled.

"Oh, quit being so negative." Calvin sniffed, walking over to the box.

Hobbes stepped out, and Calvin pushed the box back into his duffel bag.

"I say we strike out a course northward!" Calvin said, pointing ahead of him. "That will either get us back to Camp Pine, or lead us to some angry, famished animal!"

Hobbes heaved a sigh.

An hour passed.

Calvin and Hobbes climbed over rocks, jumped fallen trees, and crossed swollen rivers.

Around them, small blue birds flew above them, and chipmunks leaped from tree to tree, large ferns were scattered across the forest floor, the bright summer sun shone brightly through the trees, and landed on small cuts of the ground.

Calvin and Hobbes continued walking, the duffel bag's strap draped around Calvin's shoulder.

It was the first flat ground they had gotten to walk on for over forty five minutes, and they were grateful for it.

Suddenly, Calvin stopped walking.

"Hey, Hobbes!" He said, excitedly, looking ahead.

"Hmm?" Hobbes asked, stopping in front of him.

"I see a clearing ahead! Maybe we'll be able to get a fix on where we are!"

Hobbes' eyes lit up.

"Really?" He asked, hopefully.

"You bet!" Calvin grinned. "Let's go find out where Camp Pine is, and set a course out for it!"

And with that, Calvin and Hobbes began running over to clearing in the woods.

They burst from the forest, and ran over to the edge of the hill they were standing on.

They stared forward at the their surroundings.

There was a long, throbbing moment of silence.

"Oh, my..." Calvin said, thoughtfully, tapping his chin. "Wasn't expecting that."

Hobbes groaned.

They looked all around, but saw no difference in the surrounding area.

Everywhere they looked was just giant mountains. Stretching out for miles. Miles and miles of snow capped and or forest filled mountains.

There was no sign of Camp Pine. No sign of any Search and Rescue helicopters or units. No sign of any clearing at all.

Calvin and Hobbes were in the middle of nowhere.


	7. Campsite

"Well, it's really weird... but...," The Search and Rescue officer began. "We have no idea where your son is..." 

John, Earl, Mom, Dad, and several other kids stared at the Search and Rescue officer.

"What do you mean, you don't know where he is?" Dad demanded. "Aren't you looking for footprints?"

There was a pause.

"Well, actually, yes," The officer said. "We took a list of all the common clues to look for. Footprints, hand prints, the dragging of a duffel bag. Then, we looked for what _you_ told us he would leave behind. Comic books, his clothes, one of his shoes, his entire bed blanket. We found nothing."

Mom and Dad stared at him.

"Technically the footprints lead into the forest on the north eastern side," The man pointed ahead to the giant boulder where Calvin and Hobbes had dived into the forest. "and then, they just... well... disappear. Unless this boy of yours can fly, then I have no clue what happened to him."

There was a long moment of silence.

"Well, back at it!" The Search and Rescue officer said, wheeling around and marching out of the forest.

John and Earl sighed.

By this time, darkness had fallen over the campsite.

The kids had been sent home, Mom and Dad were sleeping in one of the cabins, John, Earl, and the other counselors had retreated to their cabins, and the Search and Rescue Team continued their efforts to find Calvin.

"HELLO!!!" One member of the team called into an ear piercingly loud megaphone. "CALVIN!! CAN YOU HEAR ME?!"

The man looked around the forest in vain.

The team had made it about half way up the mountain, and had made zero progress on their mission.

Meanwhile, a helicopter was gliding across the sky over the mountain range, the blades whipping against the air, as two more Search and Rescue team members scouted the mountain with binoculars.

By ten o'clock the search was called off for the night.

For all everyone knew, Calvin, his duffel bag, all his belongings, and his small stuffed tiger, Hobbes, had disappeared right off the face of the Earth.

* * *

Calvin kicked the cardboard box. 

"STUPID TIME MACHINE!!!!" He cried, throwing his fists at the box. "HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DISAPPEAR OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH WITH _THIS _THING?!?"

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"Why, exactly, would we want to do that in the first place?" He asked, sitting on a log next to a warm campfire.

Calvin, conveniently, had packed an entire three person tent into his duffel bag, and with it, a small camping oven, and a bag of marshmallows.

Also, Calvin had hooked a generator up to a bunch of light stands, had stationed them on every side of the forest, and was shining them forward, as to see everything within a one mile radius.

When Hobbes asked about this, Calvin said that he had raided Dad's work shed.

Uh huh.

Calvin glared at him.

"Well, why do you think?" He demanded. "We're trying to hide from that whatever that we saw last night!"

"I thought we were done with that," Hobbes said. "I thought we were trying to get _back _to the campsite, now."

"Sure, but not by night. Now shut up, while I try and find a way to refuel it."

Calvin turned back to the Time Machine.

Hobbes sighed, and turned back to the campfire before him.

There was a long moment of silence.

Cut only with Calvin's hisses and death threats at the box.

Suddenly, Calvin yanked open a compartment on the box, and a large cloud of black burst from it.

"BLAAAAUCK!!" Calvin screamed, wheeling backwards from the smog. "CURSE YOU, LOW BUDGET TIME BOX!!!"

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

He let the smoke and dust clear, then he stood up and yawned and stretched..

"Well, Calvin," He yawned. "If it's all the same to you, I'm going to turn in for the night."

Calvin looked up, the entire front part of him covered in black soot.

"Fine." he grumbled. "Goodnight."

"Night." Hobbes said, climbing into the tent.

Calvin muttered to himself, then turned back to the Time Machine, holding a screwdriver and hammer.

Neither Calvin nor Hobbes noticed the black shadow moving through the trees, slowly towards them.

"Well, I can't fix it," Calvin grumbled, throwing the box aside. "Maybe now would be a good time to start working on another invention of mine."

"ZZZZZZZZZZ" Hobbes replied from the tent.

Calvin glared at him, and walked over to his duffel bag.

He ruffled through all the junk he had in it, and finally pulled out a small circular device.

It was a chrome portable CD player with a red stripe going around it.

"Ah, here we are," Calvin said.

He walked over to the camp fire and sat down.

"It's a wonder I managed to get Dad to buy this for me. 'You don't need a CD player, Calvin, you already have a tape player! It even records your voice! That's more than we possibly need!'."

Calvin grumbled to himself, and opened the CD player up.

He took a screwdriver, and inserted it into where the CD would go, and began fiddling around with it.

Suddenly, he heard something only a few hundred feet away from him.

_SNAP!_

Calvin looked up, and stared into the darkness.

He saw nothing out of the ordinary.

"You know, if I had this finished, you'd be in _so much_ trouble right now!" He shouted at the darkness, holding the CD player up.

No reply came.

Calvin muttered to himself, and turned back to the CD player in his hands.

Just then, he heard another sound.

_RUSTLE, RUSTLE! __**SNAP!! SNAP!!**_

Calvin's head jerked up.

He looked all around the darkness of the forest.

He stood up, and held the CD player out in front of him like a weapon.

"OK, I'll bite," He said, glaring at the forest. "Who's there?"

No reply came.

By this time, Calvin had begun getting a little nervous.

"I must warn you!" He said, pointing at the forest. "I know all about your kind! Don't think I haven't brought plenty of garlic and silver bullets with me!"

Silence.

Calvin glared at the nothingness.

"Oh, so your going to be creepy about it, huh? Fine then! I'll just ignore you!"

Calvin whirled around, to get his screwdriver.

He froze.

Right in front of him was something very large with brown fur.

Very slowly, Calvin's eyes rolled upward.

There was a giant grizzly bear standing in front of him on all four legs.

Calvin and the bear stared at each other for a long moment, Calvin's eyes as wide as dinner plates.

"I suppose now would be a bad time to say I haven't brought any pepper spray." He said, finally.

The bear opened its large jaws and roared.

"_**GGGRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOWWWLLL!!**_"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAUUUGH!!!" Calvin screamed, stumbling backwards, almost falling into the camp fire.

In the tent, Hobbes jumped, and nearly tore the whole thing down.

Calvin began backing up as the bear approached, glaring at him, dangerously.

"OK, now about all that stuff I said about you being in trouble," He said. "I was only kidding! I wouldn't get mad at anyone of your... uh... stature..."

The bear reared up on its back legs, and roared, again.

Calvin jumped.

"OK, OK," He said to himself. "I know what to do! I know how to protect myself!"

He paused.

"Uh... was it play dead and cover my throat or make myself look huge while making lots of noise...?" He contemplated, tapping his chin.

The bear made a swipe for Calvin.

"AAAUGH!" Calvin screamed, ducking and making a dive for the tent.

He rushed inside, and frantically zipped it up.

"HOBBES!! HOBBES!!" He screamed. "It's an emergency! There's a bear here and..."

Calvin looked around the tent.

Hobbes had vanished.

Calvin's eyes narrowed.

Meanwhile the bear had already lost interest in Calvin and was currently waddling on all fours towards the duffel bag, which had an aroma of food.

Calvin watched it from the tent flap.

"HEY! YOU CAN'T GET IN THERE!" He shrieked. "That's my food!"

The bear ignored him, and began pawing at the bag.

Calvin growled.

"OK, now your starting to cross the line, now, Teddy!!" He warned.

The bear turned and stared at him.

Calvin shrunk back.

"No, go ahead. Stuff your lousy face with our food while we go hungry and die of starvation! It will all be on your conscience, you overgrown throw rug!"

The bear stared at him.

Then, it turned, and went back to the bag.

Calvin reached into his pocket.

"Switching to plan B, then," He growled.

He pulled out a small TV remote control from his pocket.

He hit the POWER ON button.

Suddenly, to the bear's surprise, the duffel bag unzipped itself, and opened up, widely.

An electric blue light burst from the bag, shooting straight upward into the sky, lighting up the night.

The bear leaned over, and stared inside.

There was a intensely bright and colorful swirling vortex inside the bag. Several items which Calvin had packed were flying all around it, and there was a heavy wind going all through it.

Calvin turned, and started turning the VOLUME control up, then he pushed the CHANNEL UP button.

Suddenly, air began getting sucked inside the bag.

As if a giant fan had been turned on, items started being pulled into the bag.

The generator, the lights, the campfire and the various comic books Calvin had strewn on the ground.

Calvin zipped the tent back up, and prepared.

He turned around.

Hobbes was sitting in front of him.

"AAUGH!!" Calvin shouted, falling over.

"Hello, Calvin. What did I miss?" He grinned.

"HOW DO YOU DO THAT?!?" Calvin demanded.

Hobbes shrugged.

Calvin grumbled to himself, and turned back to the zipper.

"Hold on, Hobbes," He said, taking hold of the tent's pockets.

Hobbes paused.

"Wh... why?" He asked.

Just then, the tent began shaking.

Hobbes was tossed off his feet as suddenly, the tent was ripped out of the ground.

The bear watched in shock as the green tent, rocketed through the air, and was absorbed into the duffel bag.

After the entire tent had been absorbed, the bag zipped itself back up, and began shaking.

Then, there was a large blast of light, the bag imploded into a small blue sphere about the size of a fingernail.

It fell to the ground, and then silence filled the area.

The bears stared at the duffel bag for a long time, shocked at what had happened.

Then, it looked over its shoulders, stared at the duffel bag, again, unsurely, then turned, and waddled away.

There was a long moment of silence.

Then, suddenly, the bag expanded outward, again, and flew open, once more.

Everything was instantly replaced exactly to where it was before.

The bag then zipped back up, and remained silent.

Calvin peeked out of the tent.

"Well, there. That worked!" He grinned.

He marched out of the tent, grinning.

Hobbes came staggering out, next, holding his stomach.

"Let's never ever do that, again, hmmm?" He groaned, collapsing onto the ground in a heap.

"Oh, you have no sense of adventure," Calvin sniffed.

Hobbes glared at him.

Neither one of them got much sleep that night.


	8. Lost Civilization

Several days went by.

Calvin and Hobbes had come no closer to returning to Camp Pine and the Search and Rescue units had come no closer to finding Calvin and Hobbes, yet.

John and Earl strolled side by side through Camp Pine.

The entire place was lined with police tape, and there were Search and Rescue units around the area, doing whatever it is Search and Rescue units do when they're not searching for the lost person.

John and Earl glared at them all from under their dark sunglasses, and headed towards the counselor's cabin.

John opened the door, and Earl walked inside first.

John gave the people outside one last glance, before closing the door behind him.

Earl groaned, and walked over to the desk in the far corner of the cabin.

"I can't believe this is happening!" He griped, collapsing into the chair. "All of our plans down the tube,"

"Nobody said it was going to be easy," John said, crossing his arms. "We obviously need a new plan of action. By the way, where's the crew?"

"How am I supposed to know?" Earl groaned. "They're somewhere around here playing monopoly or something. How's our power situation?"

John held up his arm, as if checking his watch.

He pushed several buttons on it, making it beep, repeatedly.

He looked up.

"We need to recharge," He said, quietly. "We've been stuck like this for over a week, now."

Earl nodded.

He turned in the chair, and opened one of the drawers in the desk.

There was a large blue button right in the middle of the drawer's floor, but other than that, there was nothing else in it.

Earl pushed the button.

Suddenly, a monotone robotic voice chimed through the cabin.

"HOLOGRAPHIC DISGUISE UNIT DEACTIVATED."

Without warning, the locks on the front and back doors clicked and all the shades were drawn.

Earl closed the drawer.

Suddenly, something in John and Earl's white Camp Pine T-shirts began whirring.

It started out slowly and softly at first, but soon began to speed up and get louder.

Suddenly, John's facial features began to melt away. The same thing happened to Earl.

As if they were candle wax in an microwave, everything began to melt off of John and Earl, revealing... something else.

John's fingers snapped together, and fused. Earl's head began taking on a crescent moon shape. John's Camp Pine uniform began gradually fading into a bright red uniform.

John Chill and Earl were not human. But, you've probably already surmised that, by now.

Where John and Earl once stood, there stood two tall creatures with chrome colored skin, a crescent moon shaped head, tentacles instead of arms and legs, razor sharp teeth, and a bright red uniform with a yellow belt, and a black **Z** logo on the side. Earl had a name tag which read, _Earl, Captain_, while John had one that read, _Rupert, Top Command_.

"We didn't have to stay this long at all the _other_ planets we attacked," Earl complained, in a more raspy hacksaw voice than before, leaning forward in his seat.

John, or I should say Rupert, took his sunglasses off, revealing compound, glowing, yellow eyes.

"The other planets we attacked didn't have a six year old brat at the top of its government," He said.

"Seriously, how incredibly _stupid_ can these humans be?!" Earl groaned, burying his face in his tentacles. "Appointing _kids_ to that kind of position? And I thought they were stupid when I heard they were still using DVDs,"

Rupert began pacing.

"I would like to see the prisoners, again." He said, finally. "Where are they?"

Earl took his sunglasses off, also revealing compound eyes, and pushed another button in one of the desk drawers.

There was another whirring noise, and suddenly, part of the wall flipped over, revealing two armless figures with tall black hats. One of them had a star on it and the other had a crescent moon. They were chained to the wall.

"Hey look! They want to talk to us, again!" The one with the star on his hat cheered.

"Oh thank goodness!" The other one said. "Conversation that isn't with _you_."

"Galixoid and Nebular." Rupert said, pacing the floor in front of them.

"Yes?" They both chimed.

"We have come here to Earth, searching for the Supreme Earthling Potentate," Rupert said.

Galixoid and Nebular nodded.

"Through the information you gave us, we discovered that he was a six year old living in an unnamed town in an unnamed state with two unnamed people." Earl said.

Galixoid and Nebular nodded.

"Through a thorough scan of that particular neighborhood, we discovered he was attending an Earth activity called 'Summer Camp'," Rupert said.

Galixoid and Nebular nodded.

"We went through all this trouble just to get here, capture the _actual_ John Chill, pose as him, just to get close to the Earth Potentate, only to have him disappear into thin air!" Earl added

Galixoid and Nebular nodded.

"All because the crew goofed up, and attacked him, too early!" Rupert growled.

Galixoid and Nebular nodded.

"Now, we both need you to tell us..."

Rupert advanced over the two aliens.

"Where did he go?"

Galixoid and Nebular stared at Rupert.

"How are _we_ supposed to know?" Galixoid demanded, his brow furrowing.

"You've done business with him, in the past," Rupert said in a forced calm. "You traded fifty leaves from your backyard to him in exchange for the Earth, then you gave him the Earth back for free after you found out about winter."

"Actually we didn't give the Earth back until we found out about their movie, _Manos: The Hands of Fate_," Nebular said.

Galixoid nodded.

"And then there were all those Japanese cartoons!!" He added, in terror.

Galixoid and Nebular both shuddered at the thought.

"Whatever," Earl said, rolling his eyes. "The point is you know the SEP, you understand him, so you will predict his actions!"

There was a moment of silence.

Finally, Galixoid and Nebular just shrugged. Which is kind of weird to watch, considering they didn't have any shoulders.

Rupert and Earl slapped their foreheads.

"If you can't tell us anything else, then we don't need you anymore!" Rupert growled, dangerously.

He shot a glance at Earl.

Galixoid and Nebular gulped.

Earl reached over and flipped a switch on his uniform.

Electricity suddenly began surrounding the piece of wall that Galixoid and Nebular were strapped to.

They both closed their eyes, gritted their teeth, and waited.

Suddenly, the computer voice rang out, again.

"ELECTRIC SHOCK UNIT MISSING OR DEACTIVATED. AWAITING FURTHER INFO."

There was a long moment of silence.

Rupert and Earl stared straight ahead, blankly.

Earl smacked his sharp tongue against the roof of his mouth.

"The crew," He said, simply.

Rupert nodded.

"Well, we're the only ones that will play charades with them." Galixoid said.

Earl glared at them, and pushed another button on his suit.

The wall flipped back over, and closed Galixoid and Nebular up, again.

"Now what?" Rupert asked, turning to Earl. "Those two were our last chance, and they can't tell us anything more."

"There's only one thing we can do," Earl said, standing up. "Are our disguise units recharged?"

Rupert checked the watch on his tentacle.

"Yes, they are. I'll reactivate them."

He pushed a button on his suit, and waited.

The computer voice rang out, once again.

"ALTERNATE SPECIES PROJECTOR ACTIVATED." It said. "HOLOGRAPHIC HOMO SAPIENS FORM ENGAGED."

Rupert and Earl's uniforms began whirring, again, and with a flash of white light, they transformed back into humans. However, one thing about them was the same. Both they're eyes remained yellow and compound.

Earl pushed a button on the desk.

"TELEPORTATION ACTIVATED." The computer said. "ALL CREW MEMBERS ARE TO REPORT."

_**BRZAP!!**_

Suddenly, Dave, Alex, Zack, and the rest of the counselors appeared out of thin air in the cabin. Only, they were now out of their human disguises and in the form as the chrome colored aliens.

It was slightly creepy, since they all had insane grins on their faces. You ever see a mutant dangerous creature with compound eyes and razor sharp teeth possessing a stupid grin? It's weird, I can tell you that.

They all looked around, confused.

Then, they spotted Rupert and Earl glaring at them with their insect like eyes.

Dave grinned.

"Oh, hi! We were just playing 'stand around in a large group and act like we're watching TV'!" He said. "Zack wanted to watch Imaginary Nickelodeon and Lenny wanted Imaginary Cartoon Network but then I went on to..."

"Shut up," Earl growled, grabbing a pair of sunglasses off his desk, and putting them on.

Rupert did the same.

"We're resorting to our backup plan," Earl said, turning back to the crew.

There was a moment of silence.

Several pairs of blank expressions met Rupert and Earl.

Rupert heaved a deep sigh.

"Do you even know what our backup plan _is?_" He groaned.

There was another moment of silence.

Alfred and Alex exchanged nervous glances and Lenny's attention wandered to a butterfly fluttering by the now open window.

Rupert and Earl groaned, loudly.

"Never mind, let's just get back to the Mother ship," Earl grumbled.

He pushed another button the cabin's desk, and the computer voice rang out one last time.

"TELEPORTATION ACTIVATED."

_**BRZAP!!!**_

There was an explosion of electricity, and suddenly, Rupert, Earl and the entire crew of aliens vanished into thin air.

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes were panting for breath as the climbed up the ridge of another large mountain.

This mountain was mostly just rock slides. There weren't all that many trees around. The ones that were were sticking out between the rocks, their roots showing through the large boulders.

Chipmunks occasionally darted across the rocks as Calvin and Hobbes past them, and there were a pair of hawks circling above them.

Calvin was exhausted.

And he made sure everyone knew about it.

"I'm so _tired!_" He whined, trying to climb over one of the rocks. "My feet hurt, I'm hot, and I'm just downright miserable!"

"Uh huh," Hobbes said, rolling his eyes.

"Here I am trying to climb over this stupid mountain, even though I have absolutely no idea what that accomplishes, and my eyes hurt because of the sun, the blood has rushed into my hands so I can't make a fist without it hurting, I'm really hungry, and those stupid hawks won't give us directions!" Calvin complained.

"That's devastating," Hobbes said.

"Plus it will be another hour before I'm done griping, and then my voice will be hoarse!" Calvin added.

"Sure," Hobbes said.

"I'm not sure I can go on, Hobbes!" Calvin said, pathetically. "Both my ears are really hot, my legs feel like Jell-o, these stupid flies won't leave me alone..."

"And it was then that Calvin suddenly remembered Susie! His one true love in the world!" Hobbes exclaimed, suddenly, holding his arms out. "And all his strength returned! And with restored vigor, he knew that it was only a matter of getting out of this mountain range before he could see her beautiful face again, and once he did, they'd spend many hours smooching, reading romantic poetry to each other and it would then be the day, after all this time, that Calvin would finally get the courage to get onto his knee, hold up some really expensive diamond ring you got from Zales, and ask that extremely important question... 'Susie, my dear love, will _you marry me?_'!!"

There was a long moment of silence.

Calvin's head slowly turned, and he stared at Hobbes with a blank expression.

"I'm sorry, Hobbes, did you say something?" He asked in a dangerous calm.

Hobbes blinked.

"Uh.. No. I didn't say anything." He said.

"I didn't think so," Calvin growled.

And they continued.

For two whole hours they climbed, nonstop, aiming for the top of mountain.

"Well," Calvin panted, wiping some sweat from his brow. "We should be approaching something of significance, pretty soon,"

"Uh huh," Hobbes grumbled, rolling his eyes. He couldn't understand how Calvin could go from such a bad mood into a good one after continuing to do the activity that was making him angry.

"Oh come on, what's your problem?" Calvin demanded. "We can't be far from Camp Pine, now."

Hobbes stared at Calvin.

"Calvin, we don't even know if we're in the same _state_ as Camp Pine," He groaned. "For all we know, we could lost in some mountain range in Montana."

"Well, if that's the case, then we're in big trouble, because I don't know if Montana's only inhabitant likes to takes hikes in the mountains." Calvin said.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

They kept climbing in silence.

The hours crawled by.

Soon, darkness had come, and Calvin and Hobbes were forced to stop for the night.

"OK," Calvin said, taking his duffel bag off his shoulder. "You can get to work on setting the tent, generators, and whatever else you happen to find in there!"

There was a moment of silence.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at each other.

"Aaaaaand what are _you_ going to do?" Hobbes asked, his brow furrowing.

Calvin glared at Hobbes.

"Hobbes, I'm shocked at you. What did you think I was going to do? Just sit around and watch you work?"

"That did strike me as a potentially considerable possibility." Hobbes replied.

"Bah! I'll have you know I have the most important job of them all! A job that, if not done, will bring chaos and destruction onto our happy little world! A job that isn't for the faint at heart! A job that would make Doctor Who gasp!"

There was another silence.

"Yes?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin held his head at a proud angle.

"I have the dangerous, daring seemly _impossible_ job..." He paused for dramatic effect. "...of standing here providing comedic relief during this intensely boring scene in which you set everything up!"

Silence filled the land.

An entire minute and a half dragged by as Calvin and Hobbes stared at each other, blankly.

In the distance, the sound of a cricket chirping was heard.

Calvin blinked.

"Well, I'll just go look for some dinner, then," He said, finally.

"You do that," Hobbes said.

And with that, Calvin walked off, grumbling.

Hobbes rolled his eyes, and reached into the duffel bag.

* * *

Calvin griped and complained to himself as he searched through the forest, looking for something to eat.

More specifically, he was looking for a conveniently placed Quiznos.

When he didn't find any of those, he started looking through the bushes at the various berries that were growing on them.

But don't think he did this cheerfully.

"Stupid berries have to be poisonous... have better things to do... can't believe I'm lost in this stupid place... Totally unbelievable that those Hollywood idiots can get away with _Hobgoblins 2_... Wasting my summer away..." He muttered to himself, collecting all the berries he could carry.

Suddenly, the six year old boy caught some movement out of the corner of his eye, and a twig snapped.

_SNAP!!_

Calvin whipped around.

He stared off into the darkness with squinted eyes.

"Hello?" He asked, bravely. Or stupidly. It was hard to tell. "Anyone here? Because if there is, I order you to rescue me!"

There was no reply.

"Oh, you're going to do _this_, again, huh?" Calvin growled, dropping the berries on the ground. "Well, I'll have you know I'm not taking it, this time, you stupid bear!"

He held up his fists, and started punching the air.

"Come on out, Teddy! I'll turn you into a throw rug! Bring it!" He yelled.

Nothing happened.

Calvin glared at the darkness.

"Yeah, you better run! You better just hope I don't unleash my terrible wrath upon you!!"

Nothing.

Calvin's eyes narrowed and he tilted his head to one side.

The darkness foreboding, but this didn't stop Calvin.

Slowly, he pulled his Transmogrifier Gun out of his pocket, and crept forward, staring intently into the darkness.

He moved into the group of trees, and looked around, holding the squirt gun out in front of him.

He cut his eyes from side to side, and continued forward.

Suddenly, something went off behind him.

_PULLL!! TWAAAAAAANG!!!_

Calvin whipped around.

He caught more movement out of the corner of his eye.

He turned to face the movement, holding the Transmogrifier out in front of him.

"Who's there?" He demanded, angrily. "I'm warning you! I have a water pistol and I'm not afraid to use it!"

There was no reply.

By this time, Calvin had begun to feel uneasy.

Very slowly, he started forward, glaring at the darkness, his finger over the trigger on the water pistol.

Leaves crunched under his feet as he walked.

He stopped, suddenly.

He looked around again.

There didn't appear to be anything in the forest with him.

He paused for a short moment, then took another step forward.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUGGGH!!!" Calvin screamed, as his foot fell down a pit, pulling him in.

Hobbes looked up from setting the generator up.

"Calvin?" He asked.

He stood up.

"Calvin, are you alright?"

There was a silence.

"Calvin?" He asked, beginning to walk forward. "What's happened? Are you alright?"

There was another pause.

He walked into the forestry, towards the scream.

"Calvin, you're scaring me." Hobbes whimpered. "Where are you?"

He looked around the darkness, looking for Calvin.

"Calvin, I know you're here somewhere so plea—EEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSEEEE!!!!!!!"

Suddenly, the ground underneath Hobbes gave way, and the tiger fell through a large pit in the ground.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUGHH!!!" Hobbes cried, covering his eyes, as he fell through a small tunnel.

Suddenly, the tunnel disappeared, and Hobbes found himself hovering in mid air.

He clawed at the air for a second, then collapsed on a dirt floor.

"Ouch," He whined.

There was a pause, in which Hobbes laid face down in the dirt, moaning to himself.

"Hobbes?" A voice suddenly asked.

Hobbes looked up.

Calvin was standing over him, staring at him.

There was a moment of silence.

"Yes, Calvin?" Hobbes said, finally.

"Did you get the tent set up?" Calvin asked.

There was another moment of silence.

"Uuuuh... not yet..." Hobbes said.

"Huh," Calvin said.

Silence.

"Calvin?" Hobbes said, suddenly.

"Yes?"

"We seem to have just fallen through a hidden tunnel into a secret passageway." Hobbes said.

Calvin looked around.

"Yes, we have." He nodded, rubbing his chin.

He turned back to Hobbes.

"Point being...?" he began.

Hobbes rolled his eyes, and stood up, dusting himself off.

"So, all obvious stuff aside, _where_ actually are we as of this moment?" Calvin asked, rubbing his hands together, and looking around. "And let's hurry it up, I've got stuff to do!"

"You're so weird," Hobbes muttered, rubbing his temple.

"What?!" Calvin shouted, his head coming up.

"I said... I'm not entirely sure of where we are. We should probably investigate,"

"Yes, we should," Calvin said, bravely, spinning around. "Hopefully it will give us something to do while we wait for someone to save us!"

Calvin rushed off down the dark tunnel.

Hobbes sighed and followed.

The hallways were dark. There was, however, a small source of light inside. Neither Calvin nor Hobbes could figure out where the dim light was coming from, but it appeared to be shining through the dirt wall. As if light had been inserted right into the dirt, itself.

They walked for a few minutes, before they started realizing something.

"Say, Hobbes?" Calvin said, looking around the dirt tunnel. "Is it getting a bit humid to you?"

Hobbes paused.

"Uhh, yeah, it's starting to get kind of hot..."

"My words exactly. Now why do you suppose that is?"

There was a silence.

"Uhhh..." Hobbes began.

"Obviously, we've entered some kind of interdimensional portal, and with each step we take it's throwing us closer and closer to the center of the Earth!"

Hobbes stared at Calvin.

"What?" He demanded.

"It's the only explanation! And it means we have to stop walking, right now, or else we'll be sucked into the center of the Earth or a time vortex. And even though both of those possibilities are really cool..."

"Calvin, have you ever considered it just might be hot because there's a heater down here?" Hobbes interrupted.

Silence.

Calvin glared at Hobbes.

"Everything has to be logical for you doesn't it?" He growled. "Don't even consider the possibilities that we're in the Twilight Zone or that we're going to run into the TARDIS at some point!"

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

_CLANG!!_

Calvin and Hobbes whipped around.

"What was that?" Calvin demanded.

"A clang, I'd reckon." Hobbes said.

Calvin glared at Hobbes, then began moving forward, slowly.

Hobbes, having no other choice, followed him.

Calvin continued walking through the tunnel until suddenly, a large steel wall came into view.

Calvin's eyes popped open, and he ran over to it.

Hobbes followed.

He observed the steel barrier.

"Hmm, dead end," He said. "Guess we have to turn back,"

"Oh no you don't!" Calvin growled, pulling Hobbes back by the tail. "Don't you ever watch the Scifi Channel, Hobbes? This is a _door!!_"

"One can always hope," Hobbes sighed.

He walked back to Calvin.

"How do you open it?" He asked, observing it.

"Ring the doorbell? How am I supposed to know?" Calvin demanded.

He examined it for a minute.

"Hello, what's this?" the six year old grinned, as he ran his hands along the dirt wall next to the door.

He brushed some of the dirt away, and blew on the wall.

Hobbes looked up.

There was a control panel covered in numbered buttons placed right on the dirt wall next to the door.

Calvin turned a grin onto Hobbes.

"Would ya look at this, old buddy! Advanced technology, cool doors, lights installed into dirt molecules! There's only one logical explanation!"

"Aliens?" Hobbes guessed.

Calvin glared.

"No, it means we've located a lost civilization, and they're millions of years ahead of us in technology!"

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"Apparently, they were buried in dirt just as Atlantis was buried in water!" Calvin exclaimed, excitedly. "Hobbes, do you know how great this is?!? After I get out of this God forsaken mountain range, and report my discoveries of _Calvantis_ to the world, I'll be a multi-billionaire and I can move into some big apartment in Denver!"

Hobbes stared at him.

"Why Denver?" He asked.

Calvin shrugged.

"I dunno. It was just the first city that came to mind." He said.

Hobbes sighed.

_CLANG!!!_

Calvin and Hobbes looked up.

The sound was more loud this time, coming from inside the doorway.

They stared at the door for a moment.

"We're still going in, aren't we?" Hobbes sighed.

Calvin turned to Hobbes.

"Hobbes, if there was a giant three headed dog with rabies and a bad disposition for tigers and little boys behind that door we'd still go in." He said.

"I suspected as much," Hobbes said.

Calvin turned back to the door.

"Okay, I have no interest of trying figure out the combination for this door, so..." He reached into his pocket and pulled out the Transmogrifier Gun. "Let's just do this the easy way."

He aimed the water gun at the control panel and fired.

_**BRZAP!**_

The control panel vanished, and in its place, a doorknob appeared.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

Calvin grinned, and turned the knob.

_ZZZZZZZZZIPP!!_

Calvin and Hobbes looked back at the door.

It had suddenly lifted upward into the ceiling, and had revealed a large darkened room.

Calvin grinned.

"_HOT_ dog!!" he shouted, rubbing his hands together.

And without any hesitation at all, the six year old rushed into the room.

Hobbes stared after him, uneasily, then followed.


	9. Underground Passageway

_**BRZAP!**_

Calvin picked up a flashlight, which he had just gotten from a small pebble on the ground with the Transmogrifier Gun, and switched it on, filling the darkened room with light.

He and Hobbes looked around.

"It... it can't be..." Calvin said, his brow furrowing.

"It is..." Hobbes said, shocked.

Calvin and Hobbes were standing in the doorway... of a kitchen.

It was a very advanced kitchen. There were several electrical items that Calvin and Hobbes couldn't identify preparing food that they also couldn't identify.

Mechanical hands were sticking out of the wall, working with a kind of blood red dough at a counter. Another machine had hammer like devices on them, and were currently pounding down onto something that looked like a dark green pizza without any toppings. There was also a conveyer belt moving across the room. Lined up on it were hundreds of empty bottles. The bottles were moving underneath another machine, which was dropping electric blue pills into them. The belt would then take them through a hole in the wall, and out of sight.

There was, however, some basic appliances that gave away that it was a kitchen. There was a refrigerator in the left hand corner, an advanced looking microwave in the right hand corner which was sitting next to a high tech oven.

Calvin and Hobbes looked around the kitchen in shock.

Hobbes picked one of the bottles up off the conveyer belt as it passed, and examined the label, through the little light available.

**Oxygen Adaption Tablets  
Level three**

Hobbes blinked.

He picked up another bottle off of the other conveyer belt next to it. This one had a totally different label.

**Heat Increaser Tablets  
Level seven**

"Calvin, look at these..." Hobbes began.

He looked around.

Calvin was suddenly in the middle of the kitchen, holding a notepad and excitedly taking notes.

"This is going to be great, Hobbes!" He grinned. "I'll be the first person to discover a hidden civilization while lost in a big unknown mountain range!"

Hobbes stared at Calvin.

"Uh, Calvin, this doesn't really look like a civilization." Hobbes said.

Calvin glared at him.

"Oh please!" He said. "If it's not a high tech, non-water version of Atlantis, what is it, then?"

"I don't know," Hobbes shrugged. "But whoever made this place didn't look like he wanted to stay for very long."

Calvin sighed and shook his head.

"Hobbes, think about this for a moment. If you went through all this trouble to put up all this advanced cool-looking stuff, how long would you want to stay here?"

Pause.

"Uhhh..." Hobbes began.

"Exactly! You'd want to live here! You have to examine the evidence, Hobbes. It all pays off in the end."

"But... look at these." Hobbes said, handing the two bottles to Calvin.

He took them.

"Yeah. So?" He asked.

"Well, why would anyone need _oxygen adaption tablets_ or _heat increaser tablets_?" Hobbes asked.

"I dunno." Calvin shrugged. "What does _that_ have to do with anything?"

"Uhh, well..." Hobbes started.

"What_are_ Oxygen Adaption tablets, anyway?" Calvin said, suddenly.

There was a pause.

"I... don't know..." Hobbes said, staring at the bottles.

_CLANG!!!!_

Calvin and Hobbes wheeled around.

The piercing sound had come, again. This time it had come from right behind the kitchen counter in the middle of the room.

Calvin and Hobbes froze, staring at that spot behind the counter.

_CLANG!!!! CLANG!!! CLANG!!!! CLANG!!!!_

Suddenly, a large shadow appeared around the counter.

Calvin and Hobbes' eyes followed its progress, as it loomed six feet into the air, and stopped.

The shadow had a gelatinous form with tentacles and a sharp, crescent moon shaped head. The tentacles was gripping something that resembled a pot and a wooden spoon.

The curved head slowly turned, and a pair of yellow, glowing, compound eyes fixed onto Calvin.

There was a small pause in which Calvin and Hobbes and the darkened figure stared at each other.

Then, reaction occurred.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUGH!!!" The two screamed, stumbling away from the alien.

"Ah ha!!" The alien yelled, triumphantly, moving forward. "You will be destroyed!"

The alien advanced over Calvin and Hobbes, still holding the pot and spoon.

"RUUUN!!!" Calvin shrieked.

_ZOOOOM!!_

There was a blur of orange and Hobbes suddenly vanished.

Calvin ran off out the doorway, trying to keep up with his tiger companion.

The alien stood in the middle of the darkened kitchen, staring after them.

"How's my band going to get anywhere if no one gives me opinions on my music?" He whined. "I think _You Will be Destroyed_ is my best song!"

No comment.

Calvin and Hobbes burst through the tunnel attempting to find where they had come out.

"Where's the exit?" Hobbes panted, throwing a glance over his shoulder.

Calvin's head went from side to side.

"Uhh... well... it's... around..." He replied, slowly.

Hobbes glared at him.

"That was helpfully specific, Calvin. Thank you." He said.

"No problem.

Suddenly, Hobbes made a detour, and ran through an open door in the dirt wall.

Calvin threw his head over his shoulder, and screeched to a stop, throwing dust up, everywhere.

He whipped around and followed Hobbes through the door.

"Hobbes!" he hissed, looking through the darkened room. "Where are you? Are you crazy?"

Calvin jammed his hand into his pocket, and pulled out his Transmogrifier Gun.

He prepared to transform a pebble into another flashlight, when suddenly, he noticed something on the wall.

It was a switch. A small bright red switch.

Calvin blinked.

He slipped his squirt gun back into his pocket, and walked over to the wall.

He studied the switch for a moment, and looked around the darkened room, again.

Then, he reached over, and flipped the switch.

_CLICK_

_FWOOOOOOM!!!_

Calvin jumped, as the sound of engine roared to life and light poured into the room.

The light, once again, was coming straight out of the wall, itself, lighting every corner of the room.

This room resembled a bedroom or a quarters. There was a desk sitting in the far right corner, piled up with papers. There were a bed sitting on the other side, along with a small closet.

Hobbes was on the bed, shivering, and looking around in all directions.

Calvin glared at him.

"Hobbes, look at you! You're a cowardly little weasel, you know that?"

"Any day," Hobbes replied.

Calvin rolled his eyes, and looked around.

"Okay, well, while _you_ sit there, shivering, I'm actually going to investigate!" He declared.

"Good for you," Hobbes said.

Calvin grumbled to himself, and marched up to the desk.

"I can't believe you're not the slightest bit curious to what this place is!" Calvin said, glaring at Hobbes.

"I can't either," Hobbes said.

Calvin rolled his eyes, and rooted through all the papers and folders on the desk.

He picked up a folder underneath all the papers.

He rotated it, and stared at the writing that was on it.

**Backup Plan  
Top Secret: Please store, safely**

Calvin rolled his eyes.

He turned to Hobbes.

"Okay, Hobbes, I think I have what we need. Let's get out of here."

"_How_?!" Hobbes demanded, pitifully. "We're lost! But not just _ordinary_ lost! We're lost in an underground passageway in the mountain range that we're lost in! We're _advanced lost!_ And there's some weird... _thing_with tentacles and razor blade teeth after us!"

"All together an regular day, huh?" Calvin grinned. "Now, come on, let's get out of here."

And with that, Calvin tucked the folder under his arms, and rushed off.

Hobbes watched him go.

Having no choice, he sighed, and ran after him.

Calvin peeked his head out of the door, and looked around.

None of the aliens appeared to be in sight, so Calvin rushed out.

Suddenly, the six year old stepped on a button next to the wall, as he left the bedroom.

_VROOOOOOOM!!!_

Calvin jumped in alarm, and spun around.

The dirt wall, had suddenly vanished. And in its place...

"Oooohhh...WOW!!!!!" Calvin shouted, his eyes exploding open as wide as physically possible.

"Oh for crying out... What now?" Hobbes groaned, walking out of the bedroom.

"Hobbes! Our lives are saved!" Calvin cheered.

"I'll make a note of that," Hobbes said.

He stared at Calvin.

The boy was suddenly jumping up and down, excitedly, twirling around in circles, with an insane grin plastered all over his face.

Hobbes eyed unsurely at him, then looked over at the wall.

His heart nearly stopped.

The wall had flipped over to reveal a rack covered in high-tech devices. Most of them looked like weapons.

"Hobbes, do you have any idea what this means?!" Calvin grinned, madly.

"Yes." Hobbes said. "We're all going to die. I'm not going to make it to the end of the hour. The entire planet is going to collapse."

"Oh quit being so morbid," Calvin said. "We can use this stuff to get out of here! Maybe even get back to Camp Pine!"

"Whatever you do don't..." Calvin rushed past Hobbes before he could finish, and grabbed something off the wall. "...touch anything,"

"Look at this, Hobbes!" Calvin grinned, holding up a small blue, tube-like object. "It's a Sonic Screwdriver!"

"Sure it is. Please put it down," Hobbes begged.

Calvin glared at him, and pushed the button on it.

Hobbes shielded his eyes, and expected the worst.

_BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ_...

Hobbes looked up.

The end of it began glowing light blue and gave off a soft buzzing noise.

"There, you see?" Calvin said, glaring at him. "Sonic Screwdriver. Now let's see what else we have here,"

Calvin threw the device over his shoulder, and picked something else up.

"Calvin," Hobbes whimpered.

"Shh," Calvin hushed, examining the device.

This one resembled a black plate. It had a green rim around it covered with buttons and a bright red button in the middle of it.

"Hmmm, wonder what this does?" Calvin asked, pushing the red button in the middle of the device.

The device roared to life, and suddenly engulfed Calvin in blue light.

"AAH! Calvin!" Hobbes shouted, terrified.

He ran up and made a grab for him, but the bright blue glow consumed the shocked Calvin, and he suddenly seemed to just melt straight away.

_**ZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!!!!!**_

Hobbes landed in the dirt.

He looked up.

"Calvin!!!" Hobbes screamed, overcome with panic.

He leaped to his feet, and spun around in all directions.

From what he had seen, Calvin had disintegrated. All that was left was a small pile of black dust on the floor.

"Calvin! That thing killed you!" Hobbes wailed, bending down over the dust. "I suppose you've already gathered that, but why didn't I stop you?! I could've saved you! _I HAVE TO FIND MY WAY OUT OF HERE, MYSELF, NOW!!!_"

Hobbes picked the dust up, and stared intently at it.

"Maybe it can reversed. Maybe there's something that can turn it back!" He said, frantically, looking all around the wall. "Don't worry, Calvin! I'll turn you back! I'll SAVE YOU!!!"

Hobbes gripped the dust to his furry chest and began looking all around the wall.

Suddenly, unbeknownst to Hobbes, Calvin walked around the corner, still holding the black plate like device.

"Well, that certainly was cool!" He grinned, looking at the plate. "I'll definitely have to keep this thing!"

He casually walked back over to Hobbes, who was still squeezing the dust, desperately.

Calvin stared at him, unsurely.

"Uuuh... Hobbes?" He coughed.

Hobbes stopped sobbing, and looked up.

He stared at Calvin for a long moment.

"Why are you hugging that pile of dirt?" Calvin asked.

Hobbes' eyes went back and forth between Calvin and the pile of black dust still in his hands.

The tiger bolted up, and dropped the dust.

"Oh... uuuh... Dirt is good for tiger's coats," He said, matter of factly, dusting himself off. "Keeps them shiny and sleek."

Calvin stared at Hobbes.

"Uh huh," He said, rolling his eyes. "Anyway, I think we've gotten ourselves a teleportor, here, ol' buddy. I could add this into one of my future inventions!"

"Sure you could," Hobbes said, rolling his eyes. "Well, we have a transport, now. Why don't we use that to just get back to Camp Pine?"

"Well, it's a pretty basic teleportor," Calvin said, examining it. "You need to know exactly where you're going, or else it will just put you anywhere. I just ended up on the ceiling in the next room, luckily, but..."

"So in other words, it can only take you places that you already know how to get to?" Hobbes said, his brow furrowing.

"Right," Calvin said.

"Terrific. We're right back to where we started." Hobbes sighed.

"Not necessarily." Calvin said. "We can use this thing to get out this weird place we're in, right now,"

"Really?" Hobbes grinned, hopefully. "Well, then do it! Get me out of here!"

"Give me a second!" Calvin growled, waving Hobbes off, and walking over to the wall, again.

Hobbes almost fainted.

"Look, Hobbes, maybe we can find a fuel substance for the Time Machine," Calvin said. "Then, we get that working, again, and we can get back that way! Plus with the help of this teleportor, we can travel hundreds of miles in a nanosecond!"

Hobbes began whining and crying, again.

"_Hobbes_," Calvin growled.

The tiger sighed.

"Oh very well, but do hurry," He sighed. "Remember that we have some disgusting, mutated thing after us!"

"Righto!" Calvin grinned.

And with that, he turned back to the wall.

However, both he and Hobbes were unaware of something.

There was a security camera hanging on the wall behind them, staring right at them.

The lens zoomed in on them.

The computer built inside it, began working at full power.

Words flashed across its screen, as it sent several commands and signals out to the main control panel.

**Intruder alert confirmed  
Registered known physical appearance of The Supreme Earthling Potentate**

The computer sent another command out to the control panel.

**Emergency Extermination Process Engaged  
ALL CREW MEMBERS ARE TO EVACUATE!  
UNDERGROUND OBSERVATORY IS CLOSED!  
EVACUATE!  
EVACUATE!  
EVACUATE!**


	10. The Earth Potentate

"So, I suppose we underestimated this Earth leader," Rupert Chill said, folding his tentacles out in front of him.

"How the heck did he find our observatory, is what I want to know," Earl said, glaring at the computer screen in front of him and Rupert. "The whole purpose of this place was to find him before the Earth Executives found him, and he barges in before we even get the faintest signal!"

The giant computer monitor was flickering, slightly, and the word,** EVACUATE!** was set right in the middle of it, flashing red and white.

"He's a genius," Rupert said. "We shouldn't have took him for a simple child. Look,"

The alien pointed his tentacle at the security monitor that had Calvin and Hobbes on it.

"That device he has, it's set to look like an Earth duffel bag," He said, tapping Calvin's blue bag. "The computer detected extremely high levels of interdimensional energy coming from it. That's why we couldn't detect him. The energy cancelled him out."

Earl squinted his eyes at he screen at the bag.

"Interdimensional energy?" He growled. "This planet hasn't even figured out how to seal up the hole in their O-zone layer, yet. How did this kid accomplish this?"

"I don't know, but he's clearly most intelligent of his race." Rupert said.

"Look at this Hobbes," Calvin said, turning around and facing the tiger, now holding another device.

Rupert and Earl looked down at the monitor.

Hobbes leaned forward and stared at the thing in Calvin's hands.

It was a black cylinder covered with buttons, flashing lights, and a rotating end.

"What is it?" He asked.

"No clue, but when I push this button, here, it makes whirring noise and shows a swirly, squiggly thing!" He grinned.

Rupert and Earl exchanged glances.

Calvin pushed the button to demonstrate.

Indeed, the machine did make a whirring sound and a spiraling hologram of transparent colors appeared in the front.

Hobbes stared at it.

"I don't know, I would kind of describe it as a squiggly, wormy thing."

Calvin rubbed his chin.

"Indeed, but look here at the swirrliness in the thing, I'd say it defiantly cancels out the worminess of it."

"True, but if you kind of squint, you might call it a turny, squirminess thing."

"But one mustn't leave out the clear twistiness of the thing." Calvin pointed out.

"But the twistiness is most defiantly overtaken by the wiggliness." Hobbes argued.

Calvin thought for a moment.

"Well, perhaps we should keep this one and continue the discussion of the different levels of squigglines and swirrliness a bit later?" He said, finally.

"Quite," Hobbes nodded.

Calvin pocketed the device and kept looking.

Rupert and Earl stood there staring at the screen for a long moment.

"Anyway," Rupert said, turning around. "We have five minutes to get out of this place before the computer releases the poison gas through the halls."

"We can't just leave him, here!" Earl growled, glaring at the monitor. "We have to send someone out to get him."

"We don't have time," Rupert said. "Besides, there's no way he can survive this system. He won't even know about it until it's too late. We have to get the crew out of here, now."

"Or'll it will kill them?" Earl asked.

"Right," Rupert said.

The two aliens looked over at a couch nearby.

Lenny, Zack, Dave and Biff were all sitting on it, staring at a television set with completely blank expressions on their faces.

"Assuming there'll be any difference," Rupert added.

"Ah," Earl nodded.

"So, Calvin, have you found anything, yet?" Hobbes asked, looking around, nervously.

"Eh, nothing _really _cool." Calvin sighed. "I found a Time Vortex Manipulator that pauses time, a Particle Compactor Ray that shrinks stuff, a Sonic Explosion Speaker that makes a really loud noise when you activate it, and an Internal Freezer that freezes stuff."

Hobbes stared at him.

"Huh," He said.

"Nothing I can use to fuel the Time Machine, though. Looks like this place is essentially useless to our needs!"

"Uh huh," Hobbes replied, rolling his eyes.

Calvin collected several of the devices, and dumped them into his bag.

"Anyway, I'd say I'm done here, and we can now move on to our next item of business!"

"Leaving?" Hobbes asked, hopefully.

Calvin glared at him.

"No, figuring out what this place is and why it's here!" Calvin said.

Hobbes stared at Calvin for a long moment.

Then, his eyes rolled into the back of his head and, while gripping his chest, he keeled over backwards.

"Where did you get that move, Hobbes? From Shatner?" Calvin asked, throwing the duffel bag over his shoulder. "Now, come on. We got work to do!"

Hobbes laid on the ground, moaning, as Calvin walked past him.

Calvin walked across the hall, and up to a metal panel on the dirt wall.

He grabbed a small device that looked like a knife from his pocket.

He pushed a button on the knife.

The blade began glowing light blue.

Calvin worked the blade through the panel, and finally got it off.

He threw the panel aside, and stared at what was behind it.

Hobbes nervously looked around.

"Calvin, don't touch anything!" He groaned. "What if that thing comes!"

"Yes, I'm sure the mutant thing from Mars that wants to kill us will really care if I electrocute myself with these wires," Calvin said.

He reached into the hole in the wall, and pulled out several multi-colored wires.

"_Calvin..._." Hobbes hissed.

Calvin ignored him, and began pushing all the wires aside.

"Ah, here we go!" He grinned.

He pulled out a small monitor which was connected to a computer built into the machinery.

Calvin pulled the monitor out, and stepped back.

He and Hobbes stared at it.

One word was flashing across it.

** EVACUATE!**

"What does that mean?" Hobbes said.

"It means, leave the establishment, Hobbes." Calvin said, rolling his eyes.

"I know that," Hobbes said. "Why is it telling us to evacuate?"

"How am I supposed to know?" Calvin demanded. "Maybe this is the extent of their security system. Now shut up for a minute."

Calvin went back to the monitor, and pushed a button on it.

Numbers flashed across the screen, wildly.

"Calvin, do you know what you're doing?" Hobbes asked, staring at him, unsurely.

Calvin glared at him.

"Hobbes!" He said, sternly. "Do you think I would just stumble through into something I don't understand?"

Hobbes stared at him.

"Uuuhhh..."

"What do I look like? A bumbling fool? Of course I know what I'm doing!" He declared.

"Well... What are you doing?" Hobbes asked.

There was a pause.

Calvin looked back and forth between Hobbes and the monitor.

"I'm working, Hobbes," He said, finally. "And if you would clam up for a while, I could continue!"

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

Calvin went back to the monitor.

He pushed another button.

A small window popped up.

**ENTER PASSWORD**

Calvin stared at it.

Then, he began typing again.

**CALVIN ROCKS**

He pushed enter.

**INVALID PASSWORD**

Calvin's brow furrowed.

"Well, that's stupid," He said, crossing his arms.

Hobbes' eyes rolled into the back of his head.

Suddenly, the password window closed, and another window popped up.

Calvin examined it.

**INTRUDER ALERT!**

Calvin stared at it.

"Oops," He said.

Upon hearing that one word, Hobbes nearly had a heart attack.

**EXTERMINATION PROCESS ACTIVATED!  
ALL CREW MEMBERS EVACUATE!!  
EMERGENCY!  
EMERGENCY!  
EMERGENCY!**

Calvin thought for a moment.

Then, he started typing again.

**Go away.**

Hobbes' eyes rolled into the back of his head.

**ENTER PASSWORD**

Calvin thought for a moment. Then, he typed, again.  
**  
CALVIN RULES**

** INVALID PASSWORD. EXTERMINATION PROCESS ENGAGED**

By this time, Hobbes had seen what was going on, and he was now in a full fledged panic.

"Hobbes, calm down!" Calvin said, whipping around. "You act like we're gonna get killed or something!"

"We are!" Hobbes wailed. "The computer's going to kill us!! It's engaged an extermination process!"

"You forget," Calvin said, casually. "We have a teleporter."

Hobbes stopped.

Calvin was holding the black plate in his hands, still.

"Well, get us out of here!!" Hobbes said, frantically.

"Sure," Calvin said, pushing buttons on the device. "Let me just set the coordinates."

Calvin took Hobbes' hand, and pushed the button.

Once again, blue light engulfed Calvin and Hobbes.

**_ZZZZZZAAAP!!!!_**

There was a blast of light, and suddenly, they vanished.

There was a pause.  
**_  
ZAAAAAAAAP!!!_**

Suddenly, there was another blast of blue light, and Calvin and Hobbes reappeared about seven feet from where they were standing before.

"There we go!" Calvin grinned, looking around. "Back in the mountain range. We're completely safe!"

There was a long pause.

"Hobbes, does the mountain range seem any dustier to you?" Calvin asked, turning around.

Hobbes glared at him.

Calvin looked back around.

"Oh...." He said.

He looked down at the teleporter, confused.

Then, he saw a small screen and a blinking light that sent a cold chill down his spine.

_Power source missing...  
_  
Slowly, Calvin's head came back up, and he looked around.

Suddenly, a red flashing light went off on the ceiling of the roof.

"Uhh... Hobbes," Calvin began.

"Yes?" Hobbes asked.

A low rumbling sound reached Calvin and Hobbes' ears, as the walls started shaking.

"I think it would probably be a wise for our physical health if we...." Calvin started.

Suddenly, one of the wires that was running along the wall started sliding across it, making a loud hissing sound.

Calvin and Hobbes followed its progress.

"...Perhaps...." Calvin said.

More wires moved from the way, revealing the bare dirt wall, which was trembling.

"...More or less.... START RUNNING!!!!!!" Calvin screamed.  
_  
ZOOM!!!_

Dirt was thrown up in a cloud as Hobbes suddenly vanished into thin air.

Calvin looked around, frantically, then followed off after the trail of dust the tiger left behind.

Suddenly, small tubes slid out of the walls in the hallway.

There was low hissing noise, as a green gas slowing came from them.

Calvin rounded a corner, screaming hysterically, as the gas slowly filled the hallway.

Suddenly, at the end of that hallway, a steel door began lowering to the ground.

Calvin rushed towards it, the cloud of poison following right behind him. He could feel his heart pounding like a bass drum in his chest, and his legs felt ready to give way.

At the last second, Calvin fell to the ground, and rolled across it, going underneath the steel door.  
_  
BOOM!!_

Calvin heard as the steel met the ground, and the barrier closed. And not a moment to soon.

As Calvin lay, panting, on the ground, he suddenly realized that someone was standing over him.

He looked up.

Hobbes was staring down at him with a confused expression.

Calvin glared at him.

"What?!" He demanded.

Hobbes licked his lips.

"Uh, Calvin, you do realize that that thing wasn't even close the ground right? You could have just ducked under it, instead of rolling."

Calvin blinked.

Then, he acquired a serious expression.

"Right, Hobbes, and how dramatic would that have been?" He demanded.

Hobbes paused.

"Well..."

"Exactly. Remember, Hobbes, drama is the most important thing in the world! That and angst."

"Uh huh," Hobbes said, rolling his eyes.

"Now, what do we do, now?" Calvin asked, standing back up.

"I don't know, where are we?" Hobbes asked, looking around.

"We're underground, Hobbes," Calvin replied.

Hobbes glared at him.

Suddenly, a loud rattling rang out through the tunnel.

Calvin and Hobbes jumped.

Several dart shooters shot up from the wall, and aimed at themselves at Calvin and Hobbes.

"TARGET LOCKED ON." A cool computer voice said.

Calvin and Hobbes paused.

"Huh...." Calvin said, finally.  
_  
ZOOM!!  
_  
In an instant Hobbes was gone, leaving Calvin to fend for himself.

Calvin looked around in all directions, before finally taking off in what direction Hobbes must have gone down just as the darts starting firing.

One by one, the darts flew through the air, hitting the floor ceiling and walls while Calvin dodged ducked and wove in between them.

By some freak of nature, Calvin managed to avoid every single dart that was shot at him.

One by one, the darts flew through the air, hitting the floor ceiling and walls while Calvin dodged ducked and wove in between them.

By some freak of nature, Calvin managed to avoid getting hit by every single dart that was fired at him, as he dove through the next door into another room.

Hobbes was already there, interestingly enough.

Calvin looked around in all directions.

"Hey!" he yelled. "I recognize this!"

Hobbes looked around.

"That's good," He said, turning to Calvin. "What do you propose we do, now?"

Calvin looked around the room, was suddenly beginning to get warmer.

"The exit is right behind that door!" Calvin declared, pointing at a door close by.

The room began trembling.

"How do you know?" He asked, beginning to trip.

"I just know! Come on!"

Calvin leaped to his feet and ran towards the door.

Suddenly the walls began closing in on them.

Calvin grabbed the door handle, tore it open, and dove inside.

Slamming the door behind him, not even bothering to see if Hobbes was behind or not, Calvin ran to the tall ladder that stood in front him.

He grabbed it and started climbing upwards as fast as he could. He could feel intense heat coming up behind him.

Calvin shot up from the hole in the ground from whence he had fallen, and dove into the bushes several feet away.

_FOOM!!_

Mere seconds later, a blast of fire shot up from the hole, destroying everything that had been inside.

Calvin stared at the black ring that now surrounded the pit.

Then he turned and looked around.

To no one's surprise, Hobbes had somehow gotten ahead of Calvin without him seeing it, and was sitting safe and sound next to a fern nearby.

Calvin glared at him.

"What?" Hobbes asked.

"Oh, nothing," Calvin growled, turning around.

After that was all sorted out at long last, Calvin and Hobbes returned to their tents and began the daunting task of examining their loot.

"Alright," Calvin said, dumping the contents of the duffel bag in front of him. "Here's the inventory from the creepy underground tunnel,"

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"We have a few top secret papers I found from that bedroom / office that should prove to be interesting reading while we wait to be rescued, the swirly, squiggly thing that we should hopefully be able to fully discus in some point in the not too distant future, a couple convoluted looking things that by some odd freak of nature are aerodynamic, a hologram projector that doubles as a mirror, a cool looking ray gun that I think I broke on the way out, and a teleporter that no longer works,"

Calvin looked up at Hobbes.

"Well?" He asked.

"I think the whole trip was an undoubted success," Hobbes nodded.

"Agreed," Calvin grinned. "Now, back to worrying about our impending deaths,"

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"What were those secret papers you mentioned?" He asked, fluffing his pillow up.

Calvin looked up.

"What? Oh just some folder I found marked _backup plan_ I didn't think it sounded that important." He said.

Hobbes stared at him for a long moment.

"You didn't think it was important?" He asked.

"Not really," Calvin shook his head.

"We just became trapped in an underground tunnel, we were attacked by some mutant creature, and you didn't think the folder marked _backup plan_ was important?"

Calvin paused for a moment.

"Well, when you put it like that…." He started.

Hobbes sighed.

"May I see the folder?" He asked.

"Sure," Calvin said, picking the folder up from the pile of junk in front of him and flung it at Hobbes.

Hobbes picked it up and examined it. Then, he opened it up and examined it.

"Hmmm," He said, thoughtfully.

"Well, what is it?" Calvin asked.

"It's seems to be the plan to assassinate somebody."

Calvin's eyes brightened.

"Really?! Cool! Hobbes, we may have stumbled right into some government conspiracy! Maybe they're going to kidnap the president's kid and hold 'em for ransom! Then we can go in, dramatically save them at the last possible second, beat up the bad guy in a randomly placed helicopter and become heros for the next couple of weeks!"

Hobbes looked up.

"You raise several interesting points but why would they kidnap his kid? Why not kidnap him?"

There was a pause.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, relatively speaking, the president just seems more obvious than his kids." Hobbes said.

"Well, the president is surrounded by secret service guys!" Calvin said.

"So are his kids," Hobbes pointed out.

"Really?"

"Really,"

There was a thoughtful moment.

"Wow, those spy movies have really let me down," Calvin sighed, finally.

Hobbes rolled his eyes and went back to the paper.

He read a bit longer.

"Have you ever heard of a place called 'Zok'?" Hobbes asked, looking up.

Calvin looked up.

"Yeah, it's over by Los Angeles, isn't it?" He asked.

Hobbes shrugged and went back to the paper.

There was another pause.

Then he looked up, again.

"How long have we had an Earth Potentate?" He asked.

Calvin looked up, again.

"A what?"

"An Potentate for the planet. How long have we had one of those?"

"I'm afraid I missed that news cast." Calvin said. "Where does it mention that?"

"Right here," Hobbes said, pointing to a spot on the paper.

Calvin walked up and read it.

"Should the Potentate realize the main plan and begin evasive action, the objective is to immediately fall back onto the backup plan, in which members of the assassination should begin to have no further interaction with any other individuals in the area," He read.

He looked back up at Hobbes.

"Well, now we're getting somewhere. Some morons are planning to assassinate the Earth Potentate. Now we just have to figure out who that is."

Hobbes heaved a deep sigh.

"Calvin, we don't _have _an Earth Potentate." He said.

"Oh don't we? Who do you thinks runs this entire place, anyway?" Calvin demanded.

Hobbes opened his mouth to speak, but then paused for a moment.

"Erm.... Well, it's either the U.N. or Oprah...."

Calvin studied the paper.

"Evasive action. That kind of reminds me of that pale, emo vampire kid from the _Twilight _movie. What was his name again?"

"Eddie Collins, I think," Hobbes said.

"Alright then, so we've stumbled into the horrifying plan to assassinate Eddie Collins." Calvin said, straightening up. "What do we do about it?"

Hobbes groaned.

"Calvin, do you think maybe we should keep reading and see if any names pop up as opposed to just assuming it's the first person who you think of?" He said.

Calvin gave Hobbes a weird look.

"Oh, OK. You want to keep _reading _it huh? Well, you can go ahead with that, Hobbes. I have revealed the truth. And my vote is that we summon Eddie with our minds and warn him of this inevitable horror."

"You do that," Hobbes said, holding the papers back up.

He kept reading.

He looked back up at Calvin.

"Hey, Calvin," He started. "Do you remember Galixoid and Nebular?"

Calvin stared up at him.

"The two aliens who called _me _the Earth Potentate? Yeah, I remember them. Why?"

"Do you suppose _they _have anything to do with this?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin shook his head.

"No, we resolved that, remember? All they wanted was to incorporate Earth with their little collection of planets they have on that big list back home. It's all for their egos, Hobbes."

"Isn't it kind of a coincidence that there's someone searching for an Earth Potentate only a year or so from when we met Galixoid and Nebular?" Hobbes asked.

"Yes, that is an odd paradox, but it's nothing to get all fussy about." Calvin said. "The world is filled with nut whacks like that, Hobbes. I happen to know a few of them, and I can say they make FOX NEWS look like a bunch of well educated journalists."

Hobbes sighed.

"Well, if you aren't worried about it, then I won't worry either," He said.

"That's the spirit!" Calvin grinned patting Hobbes on the back. "Now let's get some sleep. I'm beat."

And with that, the boy crawled into his sleeping bag, and closed his eyes.

Hobbes took one more look at the folder, sighed heavily, and laid down in his sleeping bag to get some sleep, throwing the folder aside as he did so.

Neither he nor Calvin noticed the photograph that fell out of the folder onto the ground of the tent. It was a family photo of Calvin, Hobbes, and Mom and Dad.


	11. Surveillance Activity

"Ya know, this is really the worst government conspiracy ever!" Calvin complained, flipping through the papers the next day. "We have some nut going after a nonexistent dictator. It just figures it would be me that stumbles onto it!"

Hobbes was busy packing everything back into Calvin's duffel bag while Calvin glared at the papers.

"Mm hmm," Hobbes said, not really listening.

"I mean, all the other fools, that are less qualified to take on such as task as myself, are finding out about all these exciting felonies and adventures, and here I am getting lost in a stupid mountain range. How fair is that?!"

"Which direction do you think we should head towards?" Hobbes asked, looking up.

Calvin stared at him.

"What?" He asked.

"What direction should we take?" Hobbes asked.

There was a pause.

Calvin glared at Hobbes.

"Hobbes, were you even listening to me?" He demanded.

Hobbes hesitated.

"Not really," He said, looking skyward and preparing for an earful.

"Well, Hobbes I am deeply offended and heart broken and I vote we head north like any right minded fool!" Calvin said, crossing his arms.

Hobbes stared at him, astonished at not hearing a bit more from him.

"North?" He asked.

"Sure, you have a compass, lead the way," Calvin said, pointing ahead.

Hobbes shrugged.

"Oh, very well. I suppose we don't have anything to lose."

And so after everything was packed up, Calvin and Hobbes examined their compass for about five minutes, arguing over which direction north was, and continued on their way, ultimately towards the north-east.

For a while, they walked in silence.

Then, Hobbes spoke.

"Calvin, what do you suppose those papers and that underground hideout was all about?" He asked, turning to the boy.

Calvin thought for a moment.

"Well, in all honesty I really don't know," He said. "Of course, I don't know why someone trying to assassinate someone of high authority would have their headquarters located in the middle of a mountain range on this god forsaken part of the Earth."

"Yes, it's a real puzzler," Hobbes considered. "Makes you wonder who was behind it all,"

"The kind of people in life who spend hours on end planning the blueprints for a hideout they're just going to end up blowing up in the end, which is creative, when you put it in perspective, but what I could really use is some of the way-too-much time they apparently have on their hands," Calvin said.

Hobbes gave Calvin an odd look.  


* * *

The aliens, meanwhile, had returned to their spaceship, which was hovering high above the Earth cloaked from any NASA surveillance that might have been around at the time. Having just blown up their randomly placed underground hideout, Earl's band of freaks had decided to retreat to their quarters in which they all watched cartoons while arguing over whether Cartoon Network or Nickelodeon was the better viewing choice.

Rupert and Earl, however, got right back to work.

"What are the reports from the remains of the dig out?" Rupert asked, examining a computer nearby Earl, who was watching a screen above him.

"The scanners show no indication of life," Earl said, typing in a few commands. "Let me get the video log for the last few minutes before it blew,"

Rupert watched as Earl typed in more commands and then stood back and looked at the screen.

For a moment, there was nothing but static, but then suddenly, it roared to life.

Rupert and Earl stared at the screen.

Standing in front of the camera was none other than the grinning face of Zack the alien.

"Is it working, now?" Lenny's voice came.

"I think so! Was it ever broken?" Zack asked, turning around.

"Well, I breathed on it a few minutes ago, and Earl told me not to do that, so I think I might of broke it!"

"Well hold on, I'll hit it, again and see what happens," Zack said, turning back and facing the camera again.

Rupert and Earl's eyes rolled into the back of their heads.

Zack stood there, repeatedly hitting the camera with his fist, causing the picture to flicker a couple of times.

"Did you fix it?" Lenny asked.

"I can't tell," Zack said. "The red light that's above the label 'record' is on. What does that mean?"

"I think that means it's broken. Hit it again, and see what happens."

Zack complied.

"Don't we have some kind of insurance policy on these guys?" Earl asked, turning to Rupert.

"Yeah, but fraud is more trouble than it's worth and chances are those jerks at the flight station will just give us another crew that's even worse than this one." Rupert said.

Zack meanwhile continued to hit the camera until Alfred's voice rang out through the speakers.

"HEY GUYS! EARL WANTS US IN THE CONTROL ROOM!! THE EARTH POTENT KNOWS WE'RE HERE!!!"

"What are the chances that Calvin didn't hear that?" Rupert sighed, heavily.

"How long have they been calling him 'potent'?" Earl demanded.

"God, I'm surprised they're not calling him the Pope," Rupert groaned. "Switch to another camera and skip ahead five minutes."

Earl typed into the computer, again.

The screen flickered.

What the saw almost caused them both to have coinciding heart attacks.

Dave the alien was carrying the camera under his arm and was following the rest of the crew back onto their spaceship.

He held it up to his face.

"For future generations I have removed this camera from its station, so I can bring you the previously undocumented 'take over the planet that Earl's been talking about for the last few weeks!' documentary!!" He said, excitedly.

Earl groaned.

"As of this time, we are running away from the Earth's leader for some unknown reason as of this time!" Dave said, apparently not paying any attention to what he was saying. "There's a possibility that we're all just to scared at him to do anything so we're going make the place explode, instead! Earl's yelling at us, again, so it must be pretty important!"

"DAVE WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!" Earl's voice screamed.

Dave looked up.

"NOTHING!!" he screamed back, nervously.

"GET ONTO THE SHIP!!" Earl screamed.

"OKAY!!" Dave screamed back.

He turned back to the camera.

"As you can see, he's yelling a little louder than usual, so he must want me to do something. I just have to figure out _what_!"

"DAVE!!!" Earl shouted at the top of his lungs.

"I better get over there, or he'll yell again!" Dave said, leaping to his feet. "All and all, I think our mission to take over the planet was a complete success!! ZOKAINS ARE AWESOME!!! DAVE OUT!!!"

And with that, the movie simply died.

Silence greeted this video.

Rupert and Earl stared at the screen with repressed rage written all over their faces.

"Alright, different camera." Earl said, walking over and typing again.

The screen flickered, again.

Suddenly, Biff appeared on the screen.

"HI MOM!!!" He yelled, happily.

"RRRGH!!" Earl screamed, slamming his fist into another button.

The screen flickered again, and this time, it showed the ladder heading straight up to the exit of the hideout.

"The exit is right behind that door!" Calvin's voice came.

The room began trembling.

"How do you know?" Hobbes' voice asked,

"I just know! Come on!"

The second that was said, there was an orange blur shooting through the door and up the ladder, signaling Hobbes' escape.

Seconds later, a terrified Calvin leapt through the door still gripping his duffel bag in one hand, and frantically began climbing the ladder towards safety.

As just as Calvin tumbled out of the hole in the ground, the bomb placed at the bottom of the ladder went off, sending a blast of fire shooting straight up, and causing the video to flicker and go out.

Rupert and Earl watched this all unfold quietly.

For a while, they simply stared at the static filled screen in dead silence.

"He got out," Rupert said, quietly, taking a step back and sitting down.

Earl's expression turned dark.

"How did he manage to get out?" Rupert groaned. "All of those traps should have gone off simultaneously. He should not have had a chance to get out."

"He has some of our equipment," Earl said, quietly.

There was a pause as that sank in.

"He what?!" Rupert demanded, standing up from his chair.

"He took some of that equipment from the wall." Earl said. "The computer registered it as our technology, and so it couldn't tell if it was firing at one of us or the Potentate. It held the traps back so that he would have a chance to get away if it was one of us,"

Rupert groaned.

"This isn't worth it!" He screamed. "We should just bomb this entire planet right now, and wipe all the life out!"

"We can't do that," Earl said. "If we bomb the planet then we won't be able to use it for a military base. Nothing will be able to survive on it for decades. We have to work our way down the Earth's military systems in order to break their civilization apart, starting with this child!"

Rupert glared murderously at the screen.

"For a boy of this much power, he certainly seems helpless," He said, slowly. "Why can't we just _kill _him?!"

There was a tense silence as Rupert and Earl glared at the screen which still had crackling static coming from it.

Suddenly Earl's eyes lit up.

"That's it!" He said, straightening up and running over to the computer.

"What?" Rupert demanded, turning his glare onto Earl.

"He has our technology!" Earl said. "Our technology has trackers! We can find him, now!"

Rupert's eyebrow's jumped.

"You can track it?" He asked. "What about the interdimensional energy from his bag?"

"I'll just put the command in to focus on any abnormal shifts in the dimension," Earl said. "Now that he has our stuff, we can pin point his exact location, right now!"

And with that, Earl pushed a red button on the console, and looked up.

A digital map of the Earth appeared on the screen. It then flew in over the United States and focused on a specific mountain range in Colorado.

The map continued to go in before finally stopping on one particular mountain, and one bright green light lit up on the screen.

An insane grin started creep up Rupert's face.

"There he is," Earl said. "The Colorado Rockies, miles from Camp Pine. The Search and Rescue units aren't even looking in the right state."

Rupert and Earl stared at the screen for a long time.

"But we are," Rupert said, sinisterly, turning to Earl.

Earl turned to Rupert and grinned, widely, showing his blade sharp teeth.

"Yes.... We are." He said.

And with that, in order to keep up with the high demand for a cliche, Rupert and Earl burst out with insane laughter, as the green light on the screen above them continued to blink on and off.

Unfortunately, who was to come and ruin their moment was none other than Lenny, who peeked into the control room and looked around.

"Erm.... Earl?" He asked, nervously.

Rupert and Earl stopped laughing.

"What do you want?" Earl demanded.

"Would you be sad if I told you I accidentally dropped the hyperdrive from our engine room and lost it?" Lenny asked.

Rupert and Earl stard at Lenny.

"Lenny, if you told me that, I would personally throw you off the ship into a herd of starving Shadowfax," Earl said.

Lenny paused.

"Oh. OK," He said. "Never mind then,"

And with that, he simply left.

Rupert and Earl stared after him for a long time.

Then, in the distance, Zack's voice was heard.

"WHOOP!! THERE GOES THE OTHER ONE!!!"

"Oh God," Rupert groaned, his head falling to his chest.

"I'll call home and tell them to send a cargo ship," Earl sighed, turning back to his computer.


	12. Pirate Radio

Meanwhile, outside of the realm of suspense movie cliches, Calvin and Hobbes were still hiking across the barren landscape.

Since their last conversation, the trip had remained notably silent. Calvin was taking the lead up the mountain while Hobbes followed only a few feet behind.

It was a very long day that followed and by the time it was starting to get dark, the duo agreed to stop and set up camp, again.

Calvin laid his duffel bag down and sat down on a rock, where he started shifting through the contents, looking for the tent.

Hobbes watched him, intently.

"Hey Calvin?" He asked, suddenly.

"Yo?" Calvin said, holding his hand up but not looking up from his bag.

"There's a lot of stuff in that bag," Hobbes said, inquisitively.

"Yes there is," Calvin nodded, digging deeper inside.

"A lot of stuff in there, and you're telling me that there's nothing in there at all that we can't use to get help?" Hobbes demanded.

Calvin paused.

"Hmmm," He said, finally looking up. "That last statement was rather thought inducing,"

"I thought so," Hobbes nodded.

"Give me a second and I'll see what I got," Calvin shrugged.

He kept digging through the bag, throwing random items over his shoulder, before he finally came across what he was looking for.

"Ah ha!" He grinned, pulling something out.

Hobbes observed the item. His heart jumped for joy.

"The ham radio!" He yelled, leaping up.

"Yes," Calvin said, thoughtfully. "I knew this would come in handy."

"Turn it on! See if you can contact anybody!" Hobbes said, excitedly, running to Calvin's side.

Calvin nodded and turned the radio on. He put the big pair of headphones over his ears, placed the microphone to his mouth and adjusted some of the dials.

The static emitting from it changed pitch several times before Calvin finally started to hear voices.

A big grin crept across his face.

"Hello? Hello? This is Calvin!" He shouted into the mic. "Missing boy in the middle of some unnamed mountain range! Come in! Come in! Do you read me?!?"

There was a tense moment of silence as Calvin and Hobbes stared at the radio, which was crackling, silently. Finally, a female voice came from it.

"Welcome to Taco Johns. You may look over the menu and order whenever you're ready."

Silence filled the land. Calvin and Hobbes stared at the radio for a long moment.

"Uuuh... What?" Calvin asked.

"The menu. What do you want to order?" The voice asked.

Calvin paused.

"Erm... nothing," He said, his brow furrowing.

"Then what are you doing in the drive up?" The voice demanded.

"I'm not in the drive up!" Calvin spat.

"OK, then where are you?"

"I'm in the middle of a giant mountain range fiddling with a ham radio!" Calvin spat.

A deep sigh came over the radio.

"Listen kid, I don't have time for this, we're very busy today."

"Oh yeah? Well, what do you expect _me _to do, now?" Calvin demanded. "I'm lost in the middle of nowhere, and now I want a taco! What do you have to say for yourself?!"

There was a click, signaling that drive up lady had disconnected from the radio.

Calvin growled.

"Great! Now I'm hungry!" He grumbled.

Hobbes sighed.

"OK, try again," He said.

Calvin muttered to himself, and started turning the knobs on the radio.

Suddenly two new voices popped up on the radio. One was female and the other was male.

"Yeah, well, I still think you're cute!" The female voice giggled.

"Yeah, me too, you still looking forward to the dance tomorrow?" The male voice said.

"Yeah, are you?"

"I can't wait to see you again," The male voice said romantically.

"Um, excuse me," Calvin said into the microphone.

The couple stopped talking.

"Uh... Hello?" The female voice asked.

"Yes, hello" Calvin said. "My name is Calvin and I'm lost in the middle of a mountain range with nothing to do. My summer is wasting away, and I need you to come rescue me."

"How did you get on this line?" The male voice asked.

"I have a ham radio." Calvin said, starting to get bored. "Now please alert the proper authorities of my presence so that I may return to my daily routine."

"Have you been listening to our conversation?!" The female voice demanded.

Calvin's eyes rolled into the back of his head.

"Believe me, there's nothing I'd like listen to _less_." He said. "Please just go call the police."

"OK," The boy sighed. "Where are you?"

Calvin paused.

"In the mountains," He said, finally.

"Yeah, I caught that. Where in the mountains?"

Calvin paused again.

"Well, there's a lot of trees around me." He said, finally.

There was a silence.

"OK," The boy said. "Do you know what mountain range you're _in_?"

"Well...No, but I can tell you which way north is." Calvin said.

Silence.

"How do you expect the police to find you if you don't know where you where are?" The boy asked.

"Well, for god's sake! I think that's the definition of the word _LOST_!" Calvin said, starting to lose his patience with the couple.

There was a pair of clicks, signaling that the two had hung up.

Calvin's head went back in offense.

"Well, that was _rude_!" He said, crossing his arms, angrily.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"Keep trying," He sighed.

Calvin grumbled and started turning the knobs, again.

After shifting through all the static once again, he finally came to another channel.

"Hello? Is anyone there?" Calvin asked into the microphone, staring intently.

There was a tense pause. Finally the unmistakable voice of Lenny came onto the radio.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm here," He said, unsurely. "If not, then I'm probably somewhere else."

Calvin's heart sank. Of all the people to get a hold of, he reaches this fool.

"OK, Lenny!" Calvin said, preparing for a long explanation of the obvious. "Here's the situation. We're lost in the middle of the mountains. We don't _want _to be lost in the middle of the mountains. You need to go get John so that we _won't_ be lost in the mountains, _anymore_. Do you understand?"

"Sort of." Lenny said.

Calvin closed his eyes.

"What do you mean, 'sort of'?" He sighed.

"Well, I can't really go get John," Lenny said.

"Oh for the love of... Why _not_?" He demanded.

"Rupert won't let me talk to him." Lenny replied.

Calvin thought about that.

"Who's Rupert?" He asked, finally.

"I'm not supposed to tell you," Lenny said.

"Why?"

"He told me not too."

"You gonna listen to everything _Rupert _tells you?"

"If I don't, he yells at me."

"I thought that was John." Hobbes said.

"No. Just Rupert and Earl. I've never talked to John."

"Yes, you did! At Camp Pine!" Calvin said, his brow furrowing.

"No, that was Rupert." Lenny said.

There was a pause.

"No.... that was John," Calvin said. "Big guy? Beard? Sunglasses? Dog tags? Any of this ringing a bell?"

"Yeah, that was Rupert." Lenny said.

"He told _us _he was John." Calvin said.

"Yeah, I think he said something about acting like he was called John." Lenny said.

"Why?" Calvin demanded.

"I'm not supposed to tell you." Lenny said.

"_WHY NOT?!_"

"Rupert told me not to." Lenny said.

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

"Uhhh... Lenny?" Calvin said, finally.

"Yes, talking radio?" Lenny replied, goofily.

"Can I ask you one question?" Calvin asked.

"Okay!" Lenny said, sounding as if he was grinning.

"Where are you, right now?"

There was a pause, as if Lenny was trying to figure that out, himself. Finally, he spoke.

"Oh, well, the crew and I are in the control room and Rupert and Earl are getting their zappy thing-a-ma-bobs."

"What are you getting ready to do?" Calvin said, glaring at the radio.

"Oh, we're gonna go take over....."

"LENNY!! GET OVER HERE!!" Earl's angry voice suddenly came on.

"Oops, Earl's yelling again." Lenny said. "He must want us to do something. Bye-bye talking radio!"

And with that the radio went dead.

"No, no, no!!" Calvin yelled, shaking the radio, violently. "Get back on!!"

Calvin desperately tried other stations, but was unable to connect to anyone else.

"RRRRRRRGH!!!" Calvin growled, ripping the headphones off. "This is hopeless! We're never going to get out here!"

"Don't you think that conversation with Lenny was a bit odd?" Hobbes asked, turning around.

Calvin thought.

"Eh, maybe a little," He admitted. "But we have more important things on our hands. Such as trying to figure out how to work this stupid ham radio!"

Calvin turned and angrily kicked the radio.

As soon as his foot made contact with it, the speakers roared back to life, and a new sound emitted from it.

**_SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!!!_**

Calvin and Hobbes reeled back in terror as the radio began shrieking in a deafeningly high pitch.

"STOP IT!!" Calvin screamed, kicking it again, but the radio did not comply.

Calvin continued kicking the radio, while holding onto his ears at the same time, while Hobbes cowered behind a rock.

Finally, Calvin kicked the radio towards a nearby cliff, and pushed it off in frustration.

He listened as the screeches became quieter as the radio fell farther away.

He then turned to Hobbes.

"Alright, well, that's been taken care of." He said, casually. "Where were we?"

Hobbes looked up.

"We were setting up the tents," He said as if nothing had happened.

"Ah, very good. Let's proceed with that." Calvin said, walking over to his duffel bag.

"Agreed," Hobbes said.

As the continued with their mission, Hobbes suddenly caught something out of the corner of his eye.

He looked around. Surrounding them were trees and beyond that was nothing but darkness.

He shrugged it off, and went back to unfolding the tent.

Calvin was panting one of the stakes into the ground, when he suddenly heard a voice whispering something.

"What was that?" Calvin asked, looking up.

"What was what?" Hobbes asked.

"Did you just say something?" Calvin asked.

"Nope." Hobbes said.

"Oh. Never mind, then,"

And with that they went back to work.

Suddenly, Hobbes started hearing whispering.

He looked up.

Calvin looked up.

"Did you hear that?" Hobbes asked.

"Yes," Calvin nodded. "Was that you?"

"I was actually hoping it was you," Hobbes whimpered.

Suddenly, Calvin and Hobbes started seeing more movement in the trees around them, and the whispering got louder.

The duo looked around in shock trying to locate what was cornering them, when as quickly as it began, the whispering and movement ceased.

Calvin looked around in terror.

"What was that?" He demanded.

"Well, my best guess would be a bunch of whispering and random movements," Hobbes said.

Calvin stared at Hobbes.

"You have a hard time grasping the fact that our lives may be in danger, don't you?" He asked.

Hobbes shrugged.

"My life has been in danger for the last two weeks. I barely even notice it, anymore." He said.

"Calvin," A voice came from the trees.

Calvin and Hobbes whipped around.

Out of the darkness, two figures approached Calvin and Hobbes. One of them was tall and skinny with a big black beard. He was wearing dog tags and a white Camp Pine T-shirt. The other was rather more muscularly built sporting a bald head and a leather jacket. He too was wearing dog tags. Both of them were wearing black sunglasses.

Calvin and Hobbes nearly fainted with relief.

"JOHN! EARL!!" Calvin cried with glee. "I'm never been so happy to see two creepy camp counselors! God _does _love me! "

John and Earl exchanged glances.

"Now, before you rescue me, I should tell you that I found an ancient civilization buried by years of torment and possibly the wrath of some vengeful god. I was going to report it to the media and become famous, but I think I accidentally made it blow it up, so it's not going to work, unfortunately."

John and Earl stared at Calvin.

"And another thing!" Calvin said, starting to pace back and forth in front of them. "You need to increase your camp security a bit better! Those dumb cameras you have all over the place did nothing to stop the undead zombie freaks from attacking me and driving me to escape into wherever the heck I am right now! Overall, I give your preparations for the nuclear and or zombie apocalypse a D minus. Now then, when do we go home?"

"You don't," John said.

Calvin and Hobbes stared.

"We don't what?" Hobbes asked.

"Get to go home," Earl said, darkly.

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

"Why? Did the zombies take over?" Calvin asked.

John and Earl responded by holding up their ray guns, and pointing them at Calvin and Hobbes.

The duo stared at the guns.

"Oooh, I see," Calvin said, nodding in understanding.

There was a silence.

Then, Calvin and Hobbes both vanished.

_ZOOM!!!_

"GET THEM!!" Rupert screamed, pointing after them.

Suddenly the aliens all leaped from their hiding places and raced after Calvin and Hobbes. Rupert pushed a button on his suit, and their human disguises melted away, their skin turning grey and their heads curving to take on the shape of crescent moon. They then continued after them.

Calvin and Hobbes leaped over bushes and logs, not daring to look behind them. Calvin's duffel bag was throw over his shoulder, and kind of holding him back as he struggled through the overgrowth.

The aliens were not far behind, leaping off of trees and rocks, their yellow eyes glowed in the darkness. Well, they weren't exactly _leaping _off the trees and rocks. May a take a moment now to point out that the only reason that Calvin and Hobbes were staying in the lead, was partly because the aliens were all a bunch of idiots. In that they would repeatedly run head first into the trees and boulders, trip over the rocks, a few of them were running in the wrong direction, and still more were getting tangled up in the bushes.

Pretty pathetic, actually.

As Calvin and Hobbes ran, they began to notice something of vague importance. There were no longer any trees around them, and the grass was starting to turn to rock.

And all at once, Calvin and Hobbes were forced to stop, as they had come upon a giant cliff, that stretched down for almost a mile.

"Oh dear," Hobbes said, peering down the cliff.

"Indeed," Calvin said. "Doesn't look too nice."

The duo whipped around.

The aliens were beginning to form around Calvin and Hobbes. They all looked like they had just gone through a maze of swords and needles. Didn't look too good.

Calvin, Hobbes and the aliens all stared at each other for a long moment. Finally, Zack spoke.

"Uuuh... I've forgotten what we're supposed to do." He said, looking skyward.

"Me too," Dave whined.

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

"Erm... you were going to let us go?" Calvin asked.

The aliens all paused.

"Were we?" Bill asked, dully.

"I don't think so....." Biff said, thoughtfully. "But that plan is as good as any!"

"Agreed!" Danny shouted. "You are all free to go!"

The aliens all parted to let Calvin leave.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at them in disbelief.

"Erm... well, thank you," Calvin said, finally. "And don't ever forget my awesome power,"

Calvin and Hobbes then began strolling out of the group of aliens, Calvin throwing smug looks at them all, when Rupert and Earl stepped out of the overgrowth.

Rupert and Earl stared at the situation before them.

Finally, Earl spoke.

"What are you idiots doing?" He sighed.

"We're letting him go!" Lenny grinned.

This response was greeted with blank stares.

"Why are you letting them go?" Rupert asked.

"Because they want us too," Carl replied.

Rupert's chest expanded outward in a deep sigh and Earl's head fell to his chest.

"Just push them off the cliff." Earl sighed.

"Okay!" Carl said, goofily, grabbing Calvin by the arms.

"HEY! LET GO!!!" Calvin screamed, struggling against the alien.

"OK!" Carl let go of Calvin.

"Stop doing what he tells you do!" Rupert ordered.

"OK!" Carl grinned.

"Throw him over the cliff!!" Earl ordered.

Carl grabbed Calvin.

"Let him go!" Hobbes ordered.

"OK!" Carl let Calvin go.

"RRRRGH!!" Rupert screamed, clutching his face.

"GASP!! AN ANT!!" Zack yelled, pointing at the ground.

All of the crew rushed over to see.

Rupert, Earl, Calvin and Hobbes all stared blankly at the crew.

Rupert and Earl sighed.

"Alright, well we can just take him back to the ship and put in the zoo as 'the last remaining human being alive' or something." Earl said.

"Agreed. Carl! Take them to the ship!" Rupert ordered, jabbing his finger at them. "And ignore anything either one of them say!!"

"OKAY!" Carl grinned, running over.

Calvin and Hobbes rolled their eyes skyward.

"Ya know, this whole summer camp thing could have gone a heck of a lot better," Calvin said.

"Keep in mind, Moe was the whole reason you came in the first place." Hobbes said.

"I stand corrected."


	13. Rupert Chill

_Swing123: At this point, I would like to thank garfieldodie for assisting me with this chapter and the remainder of Calvin and Hobbes: The Movie (Rewritten). After working on this one for two years, the goal is to finally wrap it up before January._

* * *

Rupert and Earl had landed their ship in a small clearing on the other end of the forest. Calvin and Hobbes were lead on by Carl and Biff.

Upon entering Biff immediately grabs Hobbes and begins leading him in the opposite direction as Calvin.

"HEY!! Hobbes!!" Calvin called out, reaching for Hobbes but Carl held him back.

"What?" Hobbes asked, as Biff lead him away.

"I'LL SAVE YOU!!!"

"Oh, OK." Hobbes nodded. "Thanks."

And with that, they disappeared around a corner.

Calvin watched in horror as Carl lead him through the dark corridor. Red wires were running across the black walls, there was a constant rumbling throughout the ship, air hissed through several of the pipes along the ceiling and every minute a loud beep rang out through halls.

Carl lead Calvin into a small room.

"OK," Carl said, goofily. "We're almost done. Would you go stand in the corner there, so I can turn on the force field thingy?"

Calvin stared at the corner that Carl pointed at. Then he looked back up at the alien.

"....No." He said, finally.

Carl paused for a long moment. Clearly he was not expecting that answer.

"Uuuh... Please?" He said, finally.

"No," Calvin said, crossing his arms.

Carl screwed up his face in concentration, desperately trying to figure out what to say next.

Finally a light came on in his eyes.

Grinning, he lead Calvin over to the corner.

"Stay!" He said, holding his tentacle up in front of Calvin's face.

He then turned and walked back to the control panel.

Calvin rolled his eyes and followed him back.

Carl, quite proud of himself, then turned and looked back at the corner.

It took the alien a full fifteen seconds to register what had happened.

For a long moment, Carl and Calvin stared at each other.

Finally, Carl looked up again, as he saw another alien walk past the door.

"Hey Zack!" He called.

"Yeah?" Zack grinned, turning around and walking into the room.

"The Earth Potentate won't stay in the corner so I can turn the force field on!" Carl whined, pointing at Calvin.

Zack thought for a long moment.

Calvin sighed heavily.

Finally Zack looked up and grinned.

"I know! I'll hold him there, so he can't leave!" He grinned.

Carl's eyes brightened.

"Zack, you're a genius!" He yelled, throwing his tentacles into the air.

Zack beamed, proudly, and lead Calvin into the corner.

Once he was there, Carl pushed a button on the console in front of him.

_ZZZZIP!!_

A red and blue light fell from the ceiling and touched the floor trapping half of the room in a rather impressive looking force field. There was but one mishap. Zack was now trapped in the cell with Calvin.

"HURRAY!!" Carl and Zack yelled in glee, not seeing the glitch their buddy program.

Calvin rolled his eyes.

"Now I'm gonna go see what Earl wants me to do, now!" Carl said, hopping out of the room.

"ME TOO!" Zack grinned, following Carl to the door.

_THUMP!!_

The force field, unfortunately, was the equivalent to a standard brick wall, and Zack was unable to get out.

He looked around his surroundings for a moment.

For a full twenty seconds, he was silent.

Then, a light came on in his eyes.

"....Ooooh...." He said, finally.

Calvin covered his eyes and shook his head.

At that moment Rupert walked into the room and placed his tentacles on the console.

"So, Earth Potentate, I can see you have finally met your match this...."

He stopped.

For a long time he stared into the holding cell with a look of complete disbelief. Finally, he spoke.

"Zack, what are you doing in there?" He asked, calmly.

Zack looked around.

"I dunno...." he said.

Rupert dropped his head onto the console, causing a loud thump.

Calvin and Zack watched, slightly worried about him.

Finally, he came up and pushed another button.

There was a rumbling sound, indicating a teleporter being activated and Zack immediately disappeared from the cell, and reappeared outside of it.

"Now please get out of here," Rupert groaned.

"OK!" Zack grinned, bouncing out of the room.

Calvin and Rupert walked him go. For a moment, they both felt a sting of sympathy for the little weirdo.

* * *

Hobbes, meanwhile, was on the other end of the ship, being lead by Dave and Tyronne. They all walked into a small room that looked slightly like a doctor's office. There was a reclined chair in the middle of the room, and a flickering light hanging over it. Next to it was a steel table of tools that looked like what was meant for torture.

Hobbes stared at it for a long moment.

"You can go ahead and jump on!" Tyronne grinned, stupidly.

Hobbes sighed, and walked up to the table.

"Alright, what are you gonna do to me?" He asked, bravely. "Tear me open and examine my organs? Chop my head off and stuff my body? Bring my lower lip over the top of my head?"

Dave and Tyronne stared at Hobbes for a long moment.

"No..." Dave said. "Earl just wannaed us to experiment on you."

Hobbes paused.

"...Oh," He said. "Okay, whatever. Let's get it over with."

"OK!" Tyronne grinned running over, excitedly.

Then, they stopped.

They stared at Hobbes for a long time.

Hobbes looked back and forth between the two.

"What?" He asked.

"Uuuh... What do we do?" Dave asked.

"What do we mean, what do you do?" Hobbes demanded, his brow furrowing.

"Well, Earl left us a lot of leverage," Tyronne started. "I don't know what we're supposed to do."

For a solid thirty seconds Hobbes and the aliens stared at each other.

Finally, Tyronne turned to Dave.

"Well, we could always just ask him what he's like," He shrugged.

Dave's eyes brightened.

"Tyronne, you're a genius!!" He shouted.

Hobbes' eyes rolled into the back of his head.

Tyrone and Dave stared intently at Hobbes.

"What are you like?" Dave asked slowly.

"Well, I get by, obviously," Hobbes replied.

"I see, I see…," Tyrone said, sounding rather impressed. "How do you get by?"

"Well, my good looks and charm have helped me out a few times in the past. I once managed to get a rhinoceros to stand down just by telling him I knew Drew Carey."

"Ooooh," the two aliens said.

* * *

Calvin looked Rupert up and down. "So, I take it you are the brains behind the operation," he said, raising an eyebrow. "Mind you, that's not something to be overtly proud of."

"Indeed, Earth Potentate," Rupert replied. "No doubt you are full of questions."

"You're reading me like a book, pal. For a start, who are you? And a follow-up: what do you want?"

"I am Rupert Chill."

"Uh-huh. So you changed your first name? How original."

"The real John Chill has been disposed."

"Ah. So John Chill is a real person. You've just done away with him for now."

"Correct."

Calvin thought about this. "So, wait, your last name is Chill?"

"Yes."

"How does all this…? Was it already Chill?"

"Yes."

"Well, this is getting a bit surreal. How did that work out?"

"You will never live to learn the truth."

"Ooh, spooky. Just wait 'till we go to series…"

"We plan to destroy you and take over your government."

"_Do_ you indeed? How very, very quaint of you."

"You are the one thing that stands in the way of total conquest."

"Am I? Howzat?"

"Don't be coy. You're the Supreme Earth Potentate."

There was a pause as Calvin ingested this information. Then he remembered the files that he and Hobbes had found before.

"Ooooh…," he said, as if a little light bulb had appeared above his head.

Rupert gave a nod. "Our next step is take out the next layer of government. All the world's leaders and armies shall be taken down. We must not delay. We'll leave you here until we've decided what to do with you."

And with that, Rupert vanished from the cell and reappeared on the other side of the force field.

Calvin ran over and started pounding on the force field wall. "Wait a minute! Come back here! I'm not the Earth Potentate! I'm pretty sure one doesn't even exist!"

"We have our information. There is nothing you can do. Good day to you, sir."

And with that, Rupert slithered out of the room.

Calvin watched him go with growing dread. "Oooh, this is seven different kinds of bad," he muttered.

_THUD!_

The noise from the back of the room alerted Calvin to a much more immediate situation. He looked frantically around the room, but he could see nothing in the darkness.

"Hey! Who's there?! Reveal yourself!"

No reply.

"Out with it now! Speak! Or prepare yourselves for a severe butt-kicking!"

No reply.

Calvin growled and held up his fists. "Okay, I've given fair warning! Feel the wrath of Calvin: Boy of Destiny!"

But just as he was about to go into his windmill routine, a familiar voice reverberated from the dark corner of the cell.

"See? It _is _him!"

Calvin stopped, his brow furrowing.

"Wait… Who's there? You sound familiar…"

"Earth Potentate! It is us!"

Calvin's eyes widened slightly as two familiar aliens came out of the shadows. Small grey bodies, no arms, stubby tentacles, large cone-shaped hats with designs, and single eyes slammed into the middle of their heads.

"Galaxoid and Nebular?!" he asked, stunned.

"Hey, if it isn't the nice boy who gave his our winter coats!" Nebular said cheerfully.

"You mean our Christmas Stockings," Calvin replied, still bitter over that fact. "What the heck are you two doing here?"

"Well, after we ran out of info to give Rupert and Earl, they decided to just chuck us in this cell to rot, much like yourself," Galaxoid said.

"Small world, eh?" Nebular grinned.

Calvin replayed what these two had said to them in his head and realized, "You guys told him I'm the Earth's Potentate?!" he cried.

"Hey, we would've kept quiet, but after five weeks, it was all there was to talk about," Galaxoid said with a shrug.

"We burned through sixty-eight board games," Nebular said with a nod.

"Calvin stared at them in disbelief.

Galaxoid and Nebular realized he must've been in angry, so they smiled innocently. "So, how've you been?"

Calvin rubbed his eyes tiredly. "Right…," he said with a sigh. "So…how's it been going on your planet? How'd it go over with that mad scientist I unloaded on you?"

Galaxoid and Nebular exchanged glances. "Eh…not bad," Galaxoid said, sounding uncomfortable.

"He's…interesting," Nebular said with a nod.

Calvin raised an eyebrow but let it go at that. He looked around the room. "Is there any way of getting out of here?" he asked.

"No. We've looked," Nebular said.

"This place is harder to get out of than audit from your IRS," Galaxoid added.

Calvin examined the sides of the force field and found them to be very tightly sealed.

"How did you get captured?" he asked, not looking at them.

"Oh, we were just flying home one day, and we were intercepted by the Zokians."

"These aliens?"

"Precisely. An evil race bent on universal dominance. Rupert Chill is their king, and he's already taken over hundreds of other planets and made them bend to his will."

"Hundreds?"

Galaxoid and Nebular exchanged glances again.

"Well… Tens…," Nebular said feebly.

"That sounds more like it."

Galaxoid continued. "He's been looking to take over a planet in this galaxy, and as this is the only colonized planet in the neighborhood, he immediately looked for a way to make it his."

"And he saw that some outsiders had contact with my planet and went after you," Calvin said, looking at the ceiling now.

"Yes. Fortunately before he crashed our shuttle, we were able to destroy our black box and home base coordinates so they couldn't find our home planet."

"Good work."

"Unfortunately, we lost our fuzzy dice."

Calvin was now looking outside the cell at the control panel.

Galaxoid and Nebular finally couldn't stand it.

"What are you doing?" Galaxoid asked.

"Look," Calvin replied, pointing up at the ceiling outside the cell.

Galaxoid and Nebular stared at the ceiling, but they couldn't see anything out of the ordinary.

"At what exactly?" Nebular asked.

Calvin pointed again, a bit more directly this time.

This time, the two aliens spotted a rather large pipe that was running along the ceiling directly above the control panel. This pipe ran through the hatchway and into their cell.

Calvin grinned.

* * *

Tyrone and Dave held onto Hobbes' every word.

"…so after the nuclear bomb was defused, I grabbed onto the vine and swung away after the corporate spies," Hobbes was saying, rather enjoying himself.

"Wow!" Dave exclaimed, practically jumping up and down with excitement.

"I prowled around on all fours, a jungle cat on the prowl, using my keen sense of smell to seek out the criminals."

"Ooh! How exciting!" Tyrone cried, wiggling happily.

"Finally, I managed to sneak up on them and corner them up against a rock."

"What'd you do? What'd you do? _What'd you DO?!_" Dave wailed.

"I ripped them apart with my claws and devoured them alive," Hobbes replied casually.

"WOWOWOWOWOW!" Tyrone cried.

"And that's what I did for breakfast."

"That's amazing! I finally know what I want from life!" Tyrone said, a far away looking in his compound eyes.

"What's that?"

"I want to become a professional runner! I'm going back to Zok to take up the sport!"

Hobbes' brow furrowed, but decided to ignore the fact that Tyrone had no actually feet upon which to run.

"Let's go! I'll get a shuttle now!"

And with that, Tyrone and Dave fled the room with much excitement.

Hobbes watched them go.

"Slick as a slab of Canadian bacon," he muttered.

And with that, he left the room and headed back the way they'd come, with the hope of locating Calvin.

* * *

Calvin managed to climb up the wall thanks to the smaller pipes forming a ladder on the wall. He gripped them as tightly as he could and reached into his hair.

"What are you doing?" Galaxoid asked.

"I just need to get this pipe to collapse," Calvin replied, still rooting around in his hair.

"No, I mean, what are you doing with your hair?"

Calvin replied by pulling a whole screwdriver out of his haircut.

Galaxoid and Nebular stared. "How'd you do that?!" Nebular cried.

"Oh, I sometimes store items in there. I once hid a whole banana so I could throw the peel in front of Susie during recess."

With that, Calvin applied the screwdriver to the side of the pipe, unscrewing the screws that held it in place.

"Why do we need the pipe to collapse?" Nebular asked.

"I just need it to collapse on the outside."

"Why on the outside?"

"Take a gander at what's beneath it."

Galaxoid and Nebular stole a glance at the pipe outside the cell and saw the control panel was right beneath it.

"Ohhh," they said.

And bang on cue, Calvin managed to finish unscrewing the screws.

The pipe let out a creak and groan, and it collapsed right over the control panel.

_**SMASH!**_

The control panel exploded in a shower of sparks and twisted metal, which bounced off the surface of the force field.

Then, seconds later, the whole of the force field vanished, leaving the hatchway clear for escaping.

"Yeah!" Calvin said triumphantly. "That's what I'm talking about!"

"Quickly!" Galaxoid said. "We must flee."

"Lead the way."

Galaxoid and Nebular fled the room, and Calvin re-hid his screwdriver and fled after them.


	14. The Plan

"Alright," Rupert said, crossing his tentacles and overseeing the aliens before him. They were once again in the control room, and the crew were all seated around the giant console before them. "The Earth Potentate has been contained. Our next mission will be a little harder. We need to take down the United States president and army."

The aliens all stared at Rupert and Earl.

"It's _your _job to figure out who these people are." Earl said, jabbing his tentacle at the crew. "Find them before 3 o'clock!"

The aliens all nodded, eagerly, whipped around to their respective computers, and started typing.

Rupert and Earl watched.

"Ooh! Ooh!! I got someone!!" Biff yelled.

Rupert and Earl walked over.

"Her name is Oprah! and she has a million fans on Facebook!"

Rupert and Earl stared at the screen blankly.

"That's a celebrity, Biff. She has nothing to do with what we're doing." Earl sighed.

"Oh..." Biff said, rather disappointed.

"I FOUND HIM!!!" Lace suddenly screamed with excitement, jumping up and down in his chair.

Rupert and Earl came over, and examined his screen.

"Says right here!" Lace said, proudly. "President of the United States!"

"Lace," Rupert said, calmly.

"Yeah?!" Lace grinned.

"Thomas Jefferson died in 1826."

There was a pause.

"What year is this?" Lace asked.

Rupert heaved a deep sigh.

* * *

Calvin, Galaxiod and Nebular, meanwhile, were having no trouble at all moving throughout the ship. Considering every single alien, except for two, didn't know that they were supposed to be locked up, they could freely walk past any of the crew members without any worry of being recaptured.

"Alright, so what's the plan?" Nebular asked as they moved through the ship.

"Well, first we need to find Hobbes," Calvin peering around a corner for Rupert or Earl. "Then we need to find the breaker room and find a way to sabotage the ship. Following that we will nick one of their space jets and cruise back to Camp Pine where we will reveal their plan to the world."

"Ingenious!" Galaxoid grinned.

"Yes, well, I try," Calvin chuckled, smugly. "You guys can have a third of the fortune I'm gonna make for saving the world."

Galaxoid and Nebular shrugged, as Calvin checked another corner and continued on the way.

* * *

Meanwhile, Hobbes had removed one of the air vents and was currently crawling through the air ducts on all fours, looking for something of interest.

He looked through one of the vents into a room outside.

Danny and Carl were sitting in a couple of lounge chairs watching Spongebob.

Hobbes squinted his eyes.

"Why isn't jellyfishing an Olympic sport?" Danny whined, wiping a tear from his eye.

"It's a terrible crime we will never be able to understand," Carl sobbed into his tentacles.

Hobbes closed his eyes for a second, but then decided it was time to move on.

He crawled past the two little freaks towards another air vent. He peered outside.

It was the vent in the main control room, where Rupert and Earl were searching for the president of the United States in the most unorganized way you can imagine.

"Here's someone!" Lenny called.

Rupert and Earl looked at his screen.

"Lenny, Scooby Doo doesn't even _exist_!" Earl yelled, starting to lose his patience.

Lenny looked at Earl in horror.

"He.... He doesn't?!" He gasped.

At this, all of the aliens started crying hysterically at the realization of the nonexistence of their hero.

Rupert and Earl groaned.

"How about this one?" Zack sniffed, pitifully, pointing at another screen.

Rupert stared at him.

"No, Zack. Cher is not the president." He sighed, heavily.

"Oh." Zack said, turning back to the screen, and staring at it, blankly.

Hobbes' eyes widened as he realized what the aliens were doing. Quickly, he crawled past that vent and searched for another one to crawl out of.

Finally, he found one, and kicked it open.

He crawled back out into the light, and stood up.

After dusting himself off, he began pacing back and forth.

He had to find Calvin, rescue him and then warn him about what the aliens were planning to do.

He stopped at that thought. He knew he would first have to put up with Calvin complaining about him getting away before he did. That was not something he was looking forward to.

Nonetheless, he had to find and alert him of the impending danger.

He started down the hall towards the direction Calvin was taken.

* * *

"Well," Calvin said, as he walked down the hall with Galaxoid and Nebular. "We must remember, despite all that happened, we must remember the silver lining."

Galaxoid and Nebular stared.

"What's that?" Nebular asked.

"This is _much _more dignified than being lost in a stupid mountain range like any common fool." Calvin said.

There was a pause.

"You know, you have actually raised a fair point," Galaxoid said.

"Of course I have," Calvin said. "'Lost in a mountain range' is lucky if it gets a mention in the newspaper. 'Alien abduction' is headline news!"

Galaxoid and Nebular nodded.

Suddenly, another alien slithered by.

It was Dave

"Hello, Earth Potentate! Hello, the other two!" He grinned, happily waving at them.

"Yo," Calvin said, holding a hand up in greeting. "Say, can you point me in the direction you took the tiger?"

Dave paused.

"Oh, you mean the striped dude?" He asked finally.

Calvin nodded.

"Oh, we finished experimenting on him a few minutes ago." Dave said.

Calvin's eyes widened.

"Experimenting?! What do you mean?"

"Well, we asked him what he was like and then we left." Dave grinned.

There was a moment of silence.

"What do you mean you left? Where's Hobbes?" Calvin demanded.

"Well, as far as I know, he's still in the experimenting room." Dave shrugged. "We didn't close the door or anything so he might of left."

This response was greeted with blank stares.

"You guys really have no idea why you're even here, do you?" Calvin asked, finally.

Dave blinked.

"Well, Earl said something about that planet we keep going to." Dave said. He paused for a second. "Wait.... Are we supposed to like you?"

Calvin thought for a moment.

"Yes," he said, finally.

Dave thought some more.

"Are you sure?" He asked.

Calvin sighed.

"No, actually, I'm the enemy. You're supposed to lock me up. I am completely ruining your plan by being out of my cell." He said.

Dave stared at him.

"You are?" He asked, finally.

Calvin rolled his eyes, and simply walked past him. Galaxoid and Nebular followed.

Dave thought for a moment.

"Maybe I should ask Earl. He'll know." He finally decided.

And with that, the alien bounced away, in a kind of fashion that made it look like he was skipping. Very disturbing sight.

"Should we be worried about that?" Nebular asked, watching Dave skip away.

"By the time he gets to Rupert we'll be long gone." Calvin said, blandly.

At that moment, as they rounded the corner, Calvin, Galaxoid and Nebular all ran into Hobbes going in the opposite direction.

"GAH!" Hobbes yelled falling backward in shock.

Calvin didn't even blink.

"Ah, there you are!" He said, without missing a beat. "First things first, did you get away before I did?"

Hobbes stared at Calvin for a long moment.

"Erm.... No?" He asked.

"Good. Everybody's happy." Calvin chuckled. "So here's the plan. We're gonna find the breaker room, disable the ship, grab a space jet and fly back to Camp Pine. Any questions?"

Hobbes blinked.

"Uuh..."

"Good. Moving on."

And with that, Calvin started off.

"Wait a minute!" Hobbes yelled, standing back up. "I need to tell you something! Plus we have yet to figure out why these aliens have even decided to attack us."

Calvin stopped.

"Oh, I've already figured that out." He said. "They think I'm the Supreme Earthling Potentate."

Silence filled the hallway.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at each other.

"What?" He asked, his eyebrows jumping.

"Yeah, remember the papers you read?" Calvin said, nodding in Galaxoid and Nebular's direction.

A light came on in Hobbes' eyes.

"Oooooh...." He said.

"Right," Calvin nodded. "So, what's this big important news you need to tell me?"

"I was just eavesdropping on John and Earl and I overheard their plan now that we're supposedly captured." Hobbes said.

Calvin rubbed his chin.

"Hmmm, sounds interesting. Continue."

"Right now, John, Earl....."

"Rupert."

Hobbes stopped.

"What?"

"His name is Rupert Chill. Not John Chill."

There was a pause.

"Wait.... All he did was change his first name?"

"No. It was always Rupert Chill. There just conveniently happened to be a John Chill at this camp I was going to, which he captured and posed as."

Silence filled the land.

"How... does that work?" Hobbes asked, his brow furrowing.

"I dunno. Weird huh?" Calvin said, shrugging.

"_Very _weird," Hobbes nodded. "Anyway, Rupert, Earl and his crew are all in the main control room right now, trying to figure out who the president is so they can go assassinate him and take out the U.S. army next."

Calvin's eyes burst open.

A large grin spread across his face.

He starting shaking with excitement.

"_REALLY?!?_" He grinned, holding his hands up to his face.

Hobbes stared at Calvin unsurely.

"Erm.... Yeah...." He said. "Although I must admit, this is not the reaction I was expecting from you."

"Good lord in heaven! This is _GREAT!_ This means we can go save him, just like in those actiony spy movies! We'll prove we're more competent than those _other _spy-wannabe fools and we'll be revered as heroes, and we'll have our own Wikipedia entries!"

Galaxoid, Nebular and Hobbes' expressions all went blank.

"Um... I'm not too sure that's a good idea." Nebular said.

Calvin stopped bouncing and his hopes dropped a little.

"Really?" He said. "How come?"

"Rupert and Earl are a force to be reckoned with," Galaxoid said. "They have a bumbling crew, but they're _still _the most dangerous aliens in Andromeda."

"They live in Andromeda?" Hobbes asked.

There was a pause.

"I think so." Nebular said.

"Yeah, I was never good at geography." Galaxoid said.

"This isn't geography." Calvin said.

"There, you see?" Galaxoid said.

Calvin and Hobbes rolled their eyes.

"The point is, you shouldn't try and mess with them. They're mean, mean aliens." Nebular said. "You should just get the space jets and then get out."

"Well what's the point of that?" Calvin demanded. "As soon as they find out I've escaped, they're just going to come after me, again. We need to figure out how to beat them and get rid of them. Besides, we're the only two keeping those aliens from killing anyone."

Galaxoid and Nebular exchanged glances.

"Well, do what you want, but we want no part of it," Galaxoid said. "So we're going to find the nearest space jet and strike out for home."

Calvin and Hobbes stared at them.

"We wish you luck with your endeavors." Nebular said.

Calvin grinned.

"Yep, us to. See you later!"

And with that, Calvin and the aliens saluted each other, and went their separate ways.

Calvin and Hobbes watched as they rounded the corner, and disappeared from sight.

Hobbes turned to Calvin.

"Calvin, what if they're right?" He asked.

"Hmmm?" Calvin asked, boredly, looking up at Hobbes.

"We don't know anything about these aliens." Hobbes said. "Despite the crew holding them back, their plan has seemed pretty well executed so far. How do you know they weren't planning for us to escape, just so they could get an excuse to kill us?"

Calvin thought for a moment.

"Frankly, anyone who's crazy enough to think that _you're_ the Earth Potentate, is not someone I particularly want to get on the bad side of."

At that moment, Carl rounded a corner, and started towards Calvin and Hobbes.

Immediately Hobbes jumped into his defense position and started hissing at Carl.

The alien waved, friendly, and continued on his way.

Hobbes stopped hissing.

He watched Carl slithering away. He didn't even look back at them.

Hobbes turned back to Calvin.

"You know, I think you might possibly be on to something." He said.

Calvin chuckled.


	15. Resignations

Rupert and Earl sat slumped in their chairs, watching the crew check the computers and then run over with excitement.

Carl ran up. "Okay, I think the president's name is Jack Daniels!"

"That's an alcoholic beverage, Carl," Earl replied, not even looking at him.

Zack ran up. "I think his name is Jason Lee!"

"That's a television actor, Zack," Earl sighed.

Lenny ran up. "I think his name is Optimus Prime!"

"HE'S A FICTIONAL DANG TOY!"

"Really? His Wikipedia word count is bigger than that George Washington guy."

"Who's George Washington?" Rupert asked tiredly.

Lenny checked his sheet of paper. "It says here he was the first president ever in the world. I think he's dead now."

Rupert growled slightly, taking the paper from Lenny. "Go do something else."

"Okay," Lenny replied with a shrug, turning and leaving.

Rupert scanned the paper before crumpling it up and tossing it away at Carl's head. "Three hours we've been doing this," he grumbled.

"Hmm, considering our limitations, we're making good time," Earl replied, his head in resting in his tentacle.

"Maybe we should just blow up that Glenn Beck guy. It might get us somewhere."

"Hmmm… I suppose we could. It's not like he'll ever amount to anything."

"HEY! HEY! HEY! LOOKY! RUPERT! EARL! LOOKY!"

Rupert and Earl glanced to the left and saw Zack jumping up and down at his seat, pointing enthusiastically at his screen.

"What is it, Zack?" Rupert droned.

"I think I found the president's house!"

"Where did you find that?"

"EBay!"

"…eBay?"

"Yeah! It has a deluxe bedroom, a hot tub, and it's a really pretty _pink_ color!"

Earl leaned over to get a better look at the text on the screen. His eyes narrowed with distaste.

"That's the Malibu Barbie Dream House!" he yelled.

"Oh."

Zack stared at the screen.

"Is that wrong?"

Rupert and Earl sighed heavily.

"What about this white building?" Kris said, pointing eagerly at the screen.

Earl glanced over at the screen to see. His eyes widened slightly.

"That's the American flag," he said. "I think they've finally got it."

Rupert observed the picture with interest. "_Finally_!" he cried. "Now we move into destroy it!"

"CREW!" Earl bellowed. "PREPARE FOR DESTRUCTION!"

"YAYYY!!!" the aliens cheered.

All their research facilities began to switch over to their weaponry. All their computers switched from search engines to radar screens. Their keyboards were replaced with buttons for their weapons. The lights changed from warm yellow to dark red. A periscope dropped from the ceiling between Rupert and Earl.

* * *

Outside, Galaxoid and Nebular had managed to escape. They were just drawing away from the ship when they noticed that the entire craft was changing shape. It changed from the sleek and cool spaceship to a gigantic deadly battle cruiser.

Twin laser cannons slithered out of the sides, aiming dangerously at the Earth.

Galaxoid and Nebular stared at it for a few moments before they made a decision.

"Yeah, we got out of there at the right time," Galaxoid said.

"And how. Let's skedaddle," Nebular said.

And their shuttle zoomed away.

* * *

"Zero in on the White House!" Rupert ordered.

Lenny pressed some buttons and watched as his radar screen zoomed in on the White House, making several squares home in around it.

"Got it on visual!" he announced.

"Get ready to destroy!" Earl shouted.

"Ready!!" the crew yelled back.

And just as the laser cannons were priming up and aiming at the target…

_CLANG, CLANG, CLANG!_

Everything stopped.

"What was that?" Rupert asked, looking around.

"Maybe the thing is loose!" Alfred suggested.

"What thing?"

"You know! The thing! It makes the big thing work!"

Everyone stared at him, confused.

"Which big thing?" Earl asked.

"You know!"

"No, I don't know."

"You don't?"

"I don't."

"You're sure?"

"I'm sure."

"Oh. Then I don't know either."

_CLANG, CLANG, CLANG!_

Rupert looked around, and then he saw what it was.

Dave was at the door, pounding on it, wanting to be let in. He waved cheerfully at them.

"Open the bulkhead," Rupert said with a sigh.

Erne pressed a button on his desk, and the doors slid open, allowing Dave to waltz inside, grinning happily.

"Hi, everyone!" he shouted.

"_HI, DAVE!!_" everyone shouted back.

"What are you doing here?" Rupert demanded. "You're supposed to be experimenting on the tiger!"

"And where's Tyrone?" Earl added.

"Tyrone quit."

"He…what?"

"Yeah, he said something about becoming a marathon runner!"

"So…what about the tiger?"

"It was the tiger's idea!"

"Ah…"

"Yeah, he told us about how he killed a thing with his bare hands, and then I went to say goodbye to Tyrone. He says he'll think of us fondly, by the way."

"So where's the tiger?" Rupert demanded.

"I dunno."

Rupert and Earl growled.

"You mean there's a possibility that he's loose?" Earl demanded.

"I suppose. Should we have tied him up first?"

"You fool! What if he gets to the Earth Potentate?"

"Oh, don't worry. There's no danger in that."

"How?!"

"He escaped all on his lonesome."

"_What?!_"

"Yeah, I passed that room on the way here. The pipe fell on the controls and the force field shut down. So yeah, he's not there anymore."

Rupert growled loudly. "Of for the love of all that is putrid!" he yelled.

Earl swung around in Erne's direction. "Erne, start a security scan. Find the Earth Potentate!"

Erne hit a button that sent a sweep down all the security cameras.

A wall dropped away in the room, revealing another wall full of screens, each one receiving feedback from all the cameras.

Rupert and Earl stared at them intently, scanning each one.

"There they are!" Earl exclaimed, pointing at one.

The crackling and distorted vision of Calvin and Hobbes showed them running down a hallway.

"They're heading for the Main Control Room," he said.

"Then we must stop them. Zack! Kris!"

Two aliens leapt from their seats and saluted stupidly.

"Head them off at the pass! Don't let them enter the Main Control Room!"

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes checked around a corner and looked down the adjacent corridor before tearing off down it.

"What's our plan exactly?" Hobbes asked.

"Well, I figure that we can disable the main controls and cause the ship to crash."

Hobbes stared at him. "We're going to make the ship _crash_?"

"Yeah."

"And that's the best you can come up with?"

"We'll make it crash on land so that we can make a quick getaway."

"…Uh…"

"Problem?"

"We're going to make it crash."

"Yes."

"With us still on board?"

"Er…"

"Yes?"

"…Maybe we'll find a way out of here first. _Then _we'll make it crash."

"Better…"

"We won't _hurt _anyone! Come on! How crazy do you think I am?"

"Apparently, I've never been able to completely pinpoint that particular figure."

"Oh shut it. Let's get a move on."

They checked around another corner and ran down the next corridor.

"How do we know where we are? Are you sure we're in the right place?"

Calvin looked around until he spotted the next corridor. He saw two aliens heading for a giant door.

"Okay, here we are at the Main Control Room," one of them said.

"Hope we got here before the Earth Potentate did," said the other.

Calvin and Hobbes looked at them in wonder.

"Yeah, we're here," Calvin sighed.

They approached the two aliens, who looked at them, cluelessly.

"Hello!" they said together.

"Hello," Calvin replied charmingly. "Don't suppose either of you have names?"

"I'm Zack!"

"I'm Kris!"

"Glad to know you, Zack and Kris. What are you doing here?"

"We're supposed to keep the Earth Potentate out," Zack explained.

"Are you him?" Kris asked.

"Nope. I haven't seen him anywhere. So that's the Main Control Room, is it?"

"Yep!"

"Do you know how any of those controls work?"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"Rupert said it was for the well-being of this ship," Zack said.

"Smart," Hobbes said with a nod.

"I don't suppose you'd let _us _past."

"Sorry, but we have our orders," Kris replied.

Calvin stared at them for a moment before grinning.

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes entered the Main Control Room proudly.

"Nice work," Hobbes commented.

"All I had to do was convince Kris to become a psychologist," Calvin said with a grin. "You never know what lurks beneath their idiotic exterior."

Calvin and Hobbes looked around the room with interest.

It was enormous.

There was a network of gantries stretching above them. Banks of programming computers flashed multi-colored screens in a horseshoe-shape. Sheets of data spilled out of the many printers as new info came in from the decks below.

Calvin and Hobbes zigzagged through a maze of towering columns of identical hard disc drives and various piles of papers.

They finally approached a giant screen that had long rows of buttons on it.

"What do we do now?" Hobbes asked.

"We have to find some way of gaining access to the mainframe. Then we'll be able to get control of the steering," Calvin said, looking at the rows of screens.

"And you know this how?"

"I'm just winging it."

Calvin sat down at one of the computer columns and sat in the chair. He looked at the touch screen in front of him.

"Right…," he said. He prodded the screen with his index finger, and it all stopped flashing and gave him a clear desktop.

The words STATE COMMAND appeared on the screen.

"Okay, I need access to the thing that steers the ship," he said.

"_Access Denied_," a smooth polite voice replied.

"Hmmm… Maybe I should've worded it differently."

"How about, 'Access Navigation'?" Hobbes asked.

"_Access Denied_."

"Access Steering?" Calvin asked.

"_Access Denied_."

"Access Manual Piloting?" Hobbes suggested.

"_Access Denied_," the voice replied, sounding so polite it was irritating them both a little.

"How about, Give Us the Dang Steering Wheel?" Calvin growled.

"_Access Denied_."

Calvin rubbed his temples in annoyance.

"This isn't going well," he muttered.

"No it isn't," Hobbes said, leaning against this chair tiredly.

"Maybe we should find another way…"

"GET THEM!!"

Calvin and Hobbes turned around just in time to witness several tentacles fly in and wrap around their torsos, picking them both up effortlessly.

"HEY!!" Calvin shouted.

"HELP!!" Hobbes wailed.

But the aliens carried them away, taking them out of the room and towards Rupert and Earl, who were glowering at them in anger.

"So, what's all this about two of our crew quitting?" Rupert growled, narrowing his compound eyes.

Calvin grinned nervously. "Er… Job Dissatisfaction?"

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes sat in their chairs, tied down with nylon ropes.

Rupert and Earl stood before them with the crew waiting in the background.

"Alright…," Rupert said, "…I think it's well been established that we can't just lock you up and throw away the key, because you'll just escape and cause trouble again."

"I'm insulted!" Calvin shouted back angrily.

Rupert growled again, showing his razor-sharp teeth.

"Now I'm complacent," Calvin said feebly.

Rupert resumed. "We're going to have to just kill him."

"Now I'm on edge," Hobbes said nervously.

"How're we doing this," Earl said, thinking this over. "Any suggestions?"

"Ooh! Ooh!" one of the aliens yelled, waving a tentacle up in the air.

"Yes, Isaiah?"

"Let's throw him into a giant vat of molten cheese!"

A pause filled the room.

Earl went to give a sarcastic reply, but then stopped and seemed to contemplate the suggestion.

"What do you think?" he asked Rupert. "Would that work?"

Rupert seemed to consider this himself.

Calvin spoke up. "Cheese, huh? That might not be a bad way to go. Good use of your head, Isaiah."

"Thank you!" Isaiah replied cheerfully.

"You know, with a mind like that, you could be a Canadian."

Isaiah stared at him excitedly. "_Really_?" he asked. "You think so?"

"Oh, definitely! All you need with the cheese is sausage and beer and you'd be all set for that free health care!"

"Yay! I'm going to get started!"

Rupert stared. "Isaiah, do you even know what a Canadian is?"

"Nope! It sounds great! I'll send you my resignation papers! Later!"

And with that Isaiah fled the room.

Calvin and Hobbes smirked as Rupert and Earl turned around to glare at them.

"Seriously, stop doing that," Earl growled.

"Okay, I think I have this handled," Rupert said. "We'll just dump them into space and carry on with our plans."

"Aw, but the cheese thing sounded good!" Calvin teased.

"Yeah, cheese makes _everything _taste better," Hobbes added.

"Earl, you do this one. I'm going to get some rest," Rupert said.

"I'm on it, sir," Earl replied, glaring at Calvin and Hobbes.

Rupert herded the crew out of the room and left.

Earl glared at them.

Calvin smiled. "So… Field trip?"

"Looks like it," Hobbes replied. "Anyone know the theme song to _Three's Company_?"


	16. The Escape

The trip to the back of the ship, one may note, was a long one, considering it was size of a small city. And so, in order to save crew members and sanity, Earl tied Calvin and Hobbes up and threw them in the back of a small hover car.

He climbed into the front of the car and started it up.

The small vehicle rose from the ground and took off down the hallway at a good fifty miles per hour.

Unfortunately for Earl, he had forgotten one of the key elements for tying somebody up and taking them hostage; the gags.

"This is an outrage to humanity!" Calvin declared as Earl drove them down the hall. "I'll have you know my Dad's a lawyer! He's a dang patent attorney for god's sake! You know not what you are toying with!!"

Earl rolled his eyes.

"And furthermore, what kind of idiot decides to take over the Earth at the very beginning of summer break? Have you no heart? You mean to tell me you couldn't have waited a lousy _three months_ for school to let back in before you decided to barge in and disrupt my state of being?!"

Earl ignored him.

Calvin paused for moment as he thought about what to say next.

"Your mother was gray! So there!" He spat.

There was a moment of silence.

Earl was staring straight ahead and did not respond to anything Calvin said.

He and Hobbes exchanged glances.

Grins spread across their faces.

Immediately, Hobbes began chewing through the rope as Calvin continued.

"And what's more, this ship is pathetic! You can't possibly tell me this thing managed to get all the way to here from Zok! I wouldn't drive this to the super market! And who the heck designed the god forsaken thing?! Rick Sloane? I mean come on!! I wouldn't spit on this ship!!"

Hobbes' ropes loosened and fell to the ground. Quietly, he slunk to Calvin and began chewing through his ropes.

"Why is it everyone you want to be friends with always never wants to have anything to do with you?!?" Calvin demanded, changing the subject. "It really bugs me! Plus all the people who I think need a kick in the shins are chasing and wanting to be friends with me! How does that work?! Does God have some kind of sick, twisted sense of humor and he loves watching us struggling to figure out what we think about each other? That should be grounds for an apocalypse for there!"

The ropes loosened and fell off of Calvin.

Calvin stood up and stretched a kink out of his back.

"You know what else really bugs me?" Calvin griped, snapping his neck.

Earl didn't reply.

"It bugs me when people are so stupid to think that they can hold me, Calvin the bold, hostage while they take me to some undisclosed location! I mean come on! I'm obviously going to escape!"

At this point we learned that Earl was not even listening to Calvin, anymore, as he did not even look around.

Calvin chuckled.

"Now that we have this order of business out of the way, we must get on with the next set." He said.

Earl ignored him.

"That which involves this. GIVE ME THE WHEEL!!!" And with that, Calvin leaped on top of Earl and began kicking him, violently.

"AAUGH!" Earl yelped, falling backward and trying to fight Calvin back.

The hover car careened out of control as Calvin clawed and screamed at Earl, who helplessly fought back at no avail. Hobbes cowered in the back, covering his eyes, and waiting for it to end.

Finally, by some miracle, Calvin managed to kick Earl off of the hover car, and grabbed the controls.

Earl grabbed onto the side of the car and attempted to climb back on.

Calvin looked down at him, boredly. Then his eyes wandered to the console before him.

"HEY!! DON'T YOU...!!" Earl warned.

Calvin pushed a button.  
_  
BRAZAP!!!_

A blast of electricity flung Earl off of the car and into the wall.

Earl grunted with pain, as he sunk to the floor and Calvin took off.

Earl grabbed his ray gun from his belt and began firing it repeatedly at Calvin.

He swerved the car from side to side, dodging each blast.

Then, they rounded a corner and vanished.

Earl growled and grabbed a radio from his belt.

"Red alert! Red alert! The Earth Potentate is lose on the ship! Activate the defense system!" He yelled into it.

* * *

Meanwhile, on the other end of that radio, Carl and Zack were sitting across from each other on the console, playing Monopoly. Well, they had the Monopoly board in front of them, and they were moving their pieces across it. You couldn't deny that. Zack did, however, have three hotels on Boardwalk, despite the fact that he didn't own it and Carl was chewing on one of the dice.

Neither of them heard Earl, as they were too absorbed into playing the game wrong.

No comment.

* * *

Hobbes climbed into the passenger seat next to Calvin and watched as he messed around with the controls and steered it through the hallways.

"How do you know how to steer it?" Hobbes asked.

"I don't." Calvin said. "Oh, what's this do?"

Calvin pulled a lever on the console.

There was a loud CLUNK that sounded behind them.

Hobbes' eyes rolled into the back of his head.

Calvin looked behind him.

Apparently, the lever had activated some kind of magnet, and everything that they were passing that was made of metal flew from its position and started chasing the car.

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

"Well what kind of idiot installs a _magnet _in the back of a hover car anyway?" Calvin demanded.

Hobbes groaned and curled up in his seat, preparing for death.

Calvin rolled his eyes, and turned back to the wheel.

He slammed on the accelerator and bolted down the hallway, knocking things over and causing more metal objects to start chasing him.

It was at this point that Rupert and Earl's "smart" video cameras picked this up.

One camera swerved as it watched the hover car fly across its screen and out of sight.

In the process, it stilled a shot of Calvin and Hobbes, and upon recognizing the enemy, it got right to work.

**Registered known physical appearance of the Supreme Earthling Potentate  
Confirmed stolen hover car  
Activate protocol 235  
Emergency Defense System engaged  
**

At this a cool robot voice rang out through the ship.

"All crew members are advised to stay approximately three hundred feet from the confirmed target in our system. Thank you."

Calvin and Hobbes looked up.

"What did it say?" Hobbes asked.

"Something about the confirmed target, I dunno." Calvin shrugged.

"Oh." Hobbes paused. "Was it talking about us?"

_**BRAZAAAP!!!**_

Suddenly, a ray gun extended from the wall, and fired a blast of fire at Calvin and Hobbes.

"AAAAAUGH!!!" Calvin and Hobbes screamed as Calvin jerked to wheel to one side and the fire hit the wall beside them.

They continued driving.

"I'd say a dim 'maybe'," Calvin said, finally, turning to Hobbes.

Hobbes shrugged.

At that moment several more guns emerged from the walls just ahead of Calvin and Hobbes, and started firing at them.

"AAAAUGH!!!" Calvin and Hobbes screamed, as Calvin wildly turned the wheel every possible way, somehow avoiding every blast.

Calvin maneuvered the car through lasers, fire, and many other forms of destruction, miraculously getting through each one.

Calvin looked over his shoulder at the destruction behind him.

He turned to Hobbes, who was shivering on the car's floor.

"Wimp." He sniffed. "That was beyond easy. I'd like to see that stupid computer try that one more....."  
**_  
BLAST!!!!_**

"Target neutralized."

"AAAAUUUGH!!!" Calvin screamed as a blast of fire struck the hover car, sending it screaming out of control and heading towards one of the exits.

Crashing through the doors, the hover car exploded out of the spaceship and back into the mountain range.

Calvin tried to hold the wheel as steady as he could as the car ripped through tree branches and leaves, while it made a loud beeping noise.

Hobbes lay on the floor with his head covered, waiting for it stop.

Finally, the car crashed into a patch of weeds, which cushioned the fall, but nonetheless threw Calvin and Hobbes from it.

_**CRASH!!!!!**_

Calvin and Hobbes landed a good ten feet from the wreckage, conveniently landing in a patch of bushes, which broke their fall.

Cut and bruised, Calvin and Hobbes stood up and examined their surroundings.

Calvin turned back to Hobbes.

"Alright, so would you say we're just 'kinda' lost now, or have we entered the 'advanced' lost stage, yet?"

Hobbes glared at Calvin.

* * *

Meanwhile, back on the ship, Earl burst into the room where Carl and Zack were playing monopoly.

"Alright! The Earth Potentate has escaped the ship! I'm now ordering you two to...." He stopped. He stared at them, incredulously. "What are you doing?"

"Playing mono-poly," Carl said, pronouncing the name wrong. "I'm winning."

"Snap! Pick up two!" Zack said, throwing down a hundred dollar bill.

"You sunk my battleship!" Carl whined.

At this point in the proceedings, we now enter the longest moment of silence in the entire movie. Earl must have stared at the aliens for a solid minute and a half before he finally spoke, again.

"Just get out there and recapture them," He sighed, walking out of the room with exhaustion.

"OKAY!!" The two aliens said in unison, eagerly jumping up and running towards their jet packs, which lay on the other end of the room.

* * *

Meanwhile, Calvin and Hobbes were still trying to find their grounds again, as they tried to make it as far from the spaceship as they could.

Calvin pointed at one of the trees.

"Alright, now unless I'm badly mistaken, that's the same tree we saw when that bear attacked us.' He said.

Hobbes stared at the tree.

Then he turned to Calvin.

"How do you know that?" He demanded.

"Hobbes, I'll have you know I have a photogenic memory." Calvin said, stiffly. "I know all the landmarks to every place I've visited!"

"How can we be lost, then?" Hobbes asked.

There was a pause.

"Hobbes, I can't be bothered with stupid questions like that! We're being attacked by a bunch of whack nut aliens!" Calvin spat. "Speaking of which, here comes two of them,"

He pointed back towards the ship.

Hobbes looked around.

Zack and Carl were hovering next to the space ship, somehow managing to keep their rocket packs under control as they examined the hillside looking for Calvin and Hobbes.

Calvin's eyes darted from the aliens to a small crevasse in the rocks nearby.

"Quick! In there!" He said, pointing at it.

Slinking forward, Calvin and Hobbes slid into the small cave and waited for the aliens to pass.

They looked up at them.

They had landed, and were currently checking underneath rocks and circling trees.

They watched the aliens for a good three minutes. It was actually pretty decent entertainment.

Then, suddenly, something interrupted their enjoyment.

_BEEP! BEEP!_

Calvin and Hobbes looked down.

It was coming from Calvin's duffel bag.

"Oh god," Hobbes moaned.

"No, no don't worry, it's not going to explode," Calvin said, opening it up.

"It's not that," Hobbes said. "I can't believe you actually carried that around with you through all this."

Calvin rolled his eyes, and shifted through all the junk, until he located the source of the noise.

"Hot dog!" Calvin shouted, a wide grin spreading across his face.

"What?" Hobbes asked, leaning forward.

Calvin rummaged through the bag more, and managed to pull out the cardboard box.

"The box is recharged! We can use it to get out of here, now!" Calvin grinned.

Hobbes stared at Calvin.

"How long has it been charging?" He asked, his brow furrowing.

Calvin shrugged.

"I dunno. A few hours."

"You mean to tell me all you needed to do is recharge it, and we could have gotten out of here?!" Hobbes demanded.

"Looks like," Calvin nodded. "What shall we do with it?"

"We go back in time, and never go to Camp Pine!" Hobbes said as if this was the most obvious response.

Calvin shook his head.

"I'm afraid it doesn't work like that. There's too many complications to using Time Travel for that purpose. First it would screw up the chain of events. Then we'd have to consider that there would be two of us at the same point in time. Then of course, it wouldn't take us back home, and we'd just be right here at whatever point in time we set it at. Did you follow all that?"

"No," Hobbes said. "I have a feeling you didn't either. So let's just get out of here,"

"Agreed."

Calvin and Hobbes shook hands, climbed into the box, and Calvin started the engine.

* * *

Zack and Carl walked up to each other.

"I can't find him," Carl whined.

"Me neither," Zack whined.

"This is hard!" Carl moaned.

"But we have to find him or Earl will yell at us!" Zack said.

Carl stomped in tentacles in protest.

"I don't want to!" He cried.

Zack looked around, desperately.

The he looked over at the small nearby cave.

His eyes brightened.

"Oh! There they are!" He grinned.

Carl looked around.

"Hey! You're right! We found them! Now we can go back!" He said, turning around.

"Wait!" Zack said, holding up a tentacle. "I think Earl wanted us to do something else when we found him!"

"What?" Carl asked.

"I don't remember." Zack said, straining his memory. "I think it had something to do with this ray gun."

Zack held his ray gun up and stared at it.

For fifteen seconds, Zack and Carl stared at Zack's ray gun, trying to remember what Earl wanted them to do with it.

"Well, maybe you should just shoot it at them and see what happens." Carl suggested.

Zack shrugged.

"Well, we don't have anything to lose," He said.

And with that, he aimed his ray gun at the box, which was starting to raise high into of the air.

He stuck his tongue out, and closed one eye, as he carefully aimed, and fired the ray gun.

**_BRAZAP!!_**

And with that, by some ludicrous freak of nature, the blast actually managed to hit the box.  
_  
ZZZZZT!!!!_

"AAAUGH!!" Calvin and Hobbes shouted, falling backwards.

"What happened?!" Hobbes yelled.

"We're hit!" Calvin shouted, leaping up and struggling with the controls. "I've lost the main control system! It activated the Time Ma....."

_**BRAAZZZZZZZZZT!!!**_

There was bright flash of electricity and box vanished into thin air.

Carl and Zack stared at where it had once been.

Carl looked at Zack.

"Was that right?" He asked.

Zack shrugged.

They kept staring.

"Well, I guess we can get back to our game, now!" Zack grinned.

"Oh boy!" Carl said, clapping his tentacles. "Are you still keeping score?"

"Yep!" Zack said, as the two aliens turned and started slithering away. "I'm still ahead by three thimbles!"


	17. MTM

_Swing123: Well, it's finally done. I started writing this story in February of 2007 and on this day, at the end of 2009, it has finally come to a close. With any luck, this story has been a _vast_ improvement from the original one I wrote in '05, and maybe possibly due to the fact that I spent two years writing it in the first place, it gets better as it goes along. Next order of business: I'm going to start _Calvin and Hobbes II: Lost at Sea (Rewritten)_, sometime next year. I have a lovely new plot prepared for that one, and I plan to make it as different from the original as possible._

_Thank you all for bearing with me these two years I've spent on this ludicrous thing and a big thanks to Garfieldodie, who helped me in the completion of said thing.

* * *

_

"WHAT DO YOU _MEAN _YOU DIDN'T RECAPTURE THEM? I GAVE STRICT ORDERS FOR YOU TO RECAPTURE THEM! _WHY DIDN'T YOU RECAPTURE THEM?!_"

Carl and Zack stared worriedly at the angry Earl.

"Well, we thought we could shoot down his box with our guns," Carl said slowly.

"What happened?"

"Well, the guns worked. That's something we need to remember here," Zack said.

"Yeah, and we _did _manage to hit the box. We should take comfort in that," Carl pointed out.

Earl rolled his eyes. "So what happened to them?"

"Well, there was this flash of light, and suddenly the box vanished."

"Vanished?"

"Yeah."

"It didn't land? It just vanished into the thin air?"

"Yes, into thin air."

Earl thought about this. "I think that's about as close as we're going to get," he decided. "Okay, let's get to work on the next item on our list. We're going to destroy the White House now."

"Ooh, for fun!" Carl cheered, jumping up and down excitedly.

Earl sighed. "I'll give the order for a plot to set for Washington ."

And with that, they slithered off down the corridor, heading towards the Main Control Room.

* * *

Meanwhile, Calvin and Hobbes found themselves flying backwards through time.

"What happened? What's going on?" Hobbes demanded, shielding his eyes from the bright colors of the vortex.

Calvin had his own eyes covered as well. "_Avert your gaze_! We're not wearing our vortex goggles!"

Soon, however, the colors stopped swirling and vanished, and before they knew it, the box was coming in for a landing.

Calvin gripped the front of the box and struggled to regain control.

"Hang on!" he shouted, aiming the box towards a level piece of ground.

They came in for a rather bumpy landing, but otherwise, they landed safely.

"Where are we?" Hobbes asked, scanning the terrain.

Calvin started to check the Time Machine. "That blast caused some sort of automatic safety mechanism to kick in. When the box came under attack, it pulled us back in time for protection."

Hobbes felt himself grow rather ill. "You mean…we've now been thrown back in time?!" he shouted.

"Yeah…," Calvin said, squinting at the gauges he'd drawn on the inside of the box himself. "I need a minute to pinpoint how far precisely."

"Oh great!" Hobbes wailed. "Not only are we on the run for hideous bloodthirsty aliens, but now we're lost in the middle of nowhere!"

"Hobbes…"

"We're probably stuck in some horrible time. Look at this place! There's nothing for miles around! I doubt I'll be able to get canned tuna out here!"

"Hobbes…"

"This is really it! We're finally going to die because of your stupid invention! I knew I should've stayed at home!"

"_HOBBES_!!"

Hobbes whipped around to see Calvin glaring testily at him.

"Look over there," he said, pointing off to his right.

Hobbes followed Calvin's finger and gaped at what he saw.

He could see them.

They were flying in their box, trying to escape Carl and Zack. The two aliens were talking to each other as they tried to figure everything out, and then finally, one of them took a shot at the box. There was commotion in the box before they vanished.

Hobbes stared at the spot for a long time.

"How did…? Wait, you mean…?"

"Yes, Hobbes, we were only thrown back a couple of minutes."

"Oh…"

They waited for Carl and Zack to finish whatever they were doing, and soon the two aliens were being teleported back to their ship, which Calvin and Hobbes finally noticed when they looked skywards.

"Now's our chance to escape," Calvin announced. "Get in."

"But won't they come looking for us?"

"Not just yet. They don't know the box is a Time Machine, so they'll probably think they destroyed us."

"So, then what?"

"Well, now we need to find some way of alerting them to the Earth's defenses. Their plan relies on going unnoticed, so that they can weaken the Earth from within. If we reveal them to the world now, their plans are in ruins and they can be destroyed."

"Um…we're sure the Earth can defeat the aliens?"

"Well, Rupert and Earl are the only really dangerous ones. Once all the others are gotten rid of, we can hand them over to the supposedly secret Area 51."

Hobbes pondered all this.

"…'Supposedly secret'?"

"Well what else _could _they be?"

"…I suppose we could try it."

"Excellent! Now get in, Hobbes! We've got work to do!"

Hobbes jumped back into the box, which slowly rose into the air, kicking up dust as if it were a helicopter.

"This is it, Hobbes," Calvin said, drawing the box slowly forward. "This is the big one. This is the stuff of legends! This is the place where _heroes _are born! Hobbes, I have a feeling this could be our finest hour!"

Hobbes thought about this. "Well, except for that one time we managed to score a water balloon up the back of Susie's head from fifty paces."

"Oh, _yes_, that was a piece of work," Calvin said, remembering fondly.

And with that, they tore forwards and upwards towards the spaceship.

* * *

Rupert and Earl stood in the Main Control Room with a bunch of the other aliens, all of which were somehow able to activate all the controls and work them properly.

"Give me an ETA," Rupert ordered.

"We should be in the President's backyard in two hours," Carl replied.

"This thing never could get decent mileage," Earl muttered.

"Sirs? Incoming transmission," Lenny announced.

Rupert and Earl looked confused for a moment. "Put it on screen."

The gigantic screen above them crackled with interference for a split second and soon changed, showing Calvin and Hobbes grinning at them from outside the ship.

"Hey, Rupert!" Calvin said mockingly with a grin.

Then, sticking out their tongues and putting thumbs in their ears, waving their fingers about, they said together:

"Neh-neh-neh-neh-neh-_NEH_!"

The screen went dead.

Rupert and Earl stared at the screens in confusion before glaring at Zack and Carl, who shrugged in response.

Biff checked his screens. "They're heading back to that camp thingy!" he announced.

Rupert glared. "Clever, Earth Potentate, very clever…," he hissed. "Earl?"

"Yes, sir?" Earl asked, snapping a salute.

"Assemble some of your crew and get them on their jets. He's not getting away _this _time."

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes held on for their lives as the box swerved through a forest. Trees flew by them at breakneck speed.

"We're halfway back to civilization!" Calvin announced, checking the blinking lights in the box.

Hobbes' acute hearing picked up the sound of some sort of motor. He checked over his shoulder and saw that five aliens were following them on hover scooters.

"Uh-oh. We've got some Black Barts coming up on our mud flaps," he announced.

"We've got…what?" Calvin asked, looking back for himself.

Then he saw the aliens.

"Oh…," he said. "Darn. I was hoping they'd just bring the whole spaceship. Oh well, let's just auger this baby in."

Calvin and Hobbes aimed the box up and over the treetops.

The aliens followed in pursuit.

The little box flew high into the air.

"Wow…," Calvin said, looking around. "Let's see if I can find Camp Pine from up here."

The aliens came up from behind them.

Hobbes looked at them nervously. "Perhaps we should consider putting some pedal to the metal. These guys look like they could catch up with us easily."

"We just have to make it to Camp Pine . With any luck, there'll be some people there who can alert the National Armed Forces or whoever's running this quiz show."

Then Calvin looked off into the distance and saw some smoke rising up out of a clearing.

"That's the chimney at the kitchen… There she blows!" he cheered, aiming the box towards the Camp.

"Finally!" Hobbes cheered. "The nightmare is nearly over!"

Suddenly, two aliens zoomed past them.

The shockwaves bounced Calvin and Hobbes up and down madly in their seats.

"Whoa!" they cried.

"Hey, watch where you're flying, you dang space hog!" Calvin yelled.

"Maverick!" Hobbes added.

The two aliens managed to turn around and head straight for them.

Now it was _really_ intense.

"Oh, so that's how you want to play it, huh?" Calvin sneered. "An airspace game of Chicken. Very well."

Hobbes gulped and prayed for mercy.

Calvin glared ahead at the two aliens, who were both showing no signs of stopping anytime soon. In fact, they seemed to be speeding up.

"You're sure about this, right?" Hobbes asked hopefully.

"Hobbes, have I ever led you astray?"

"Several times, yes."

"Oh. Well then, this will be the exception."

And with that, Calvin made the box swivel and sway from side to side.

The aliens stupidly copied the motion and ended up bumping into each other, causing damage to their crafts, which in turn caused them to plummet and vanish, trailing twin streaks of black smoke, leaving Calvin and Hobbes fly safely onwards.

"I wonder how far you could plummet before you blacked out," Calvin pondered.

"Let's save that quandary for later," Hobbes said, gripping the edges of the box.

"Fair enough."

The remaining three aliens continued chasing, growing closer and closer.

But Camp Pine loomed in the distance.

"We're nearly there," Calvin said. "Another clear mile and we'll do it."

**_BROOOOM!_**

Calvin and Hobbes stared at the control panel.

All the lights were flashing.

Calvin took note of a certain gauge.

"Oh…," he said.

"What?"

"I think we're running out of fuel."

Hobbes stared at him. "You… It's a box!"

"What was I supposed to do? Gas up in Des Moines ?!"

The box began to lose altitude.

"What do we do?" Hobbes asked worriedly.

"I need to find a nice safe place to land," Calvin said. "Someplace nearby."

"Can you see anyplace?"

Calvin scoured the area. His eyes lit up when he saw something behind a row of trees and bushes.

"There's the racetrack!" he cried. "We can land in the middle there. It's a nice flat surface. Precisely what we need!"

"Can you make it over the hedges?"

"You bet!"

The box suddenly let out a horrific splutter and started vibrating, and soon they were dropping. It soon came down behind the rows of shrubbery, still moving very quickly.

"Okay, so maybe not," Calvin said with a shrug.

Hobbes sighed to himself.

* * *

On the racetrack, the Search and Rescue Team were standing with Calvin's parents, some of the councilors and a few of the kids, Susie and Moe included. They were wrapping up their explanations.

"…and so, I'm sorry, sir and ma'am, but I'm afraid that your son may very well be lost forever," the Leader said. "I'm truly sorry. We've done everything we can."

Mom and Dad looked at each other, feeling tears creeping into their eyes.

Susie was clutching Mr Bun in her hands, trying to stop the lump from rising in her throat.

"You're…you're _sure _there's no hope?" Mom asked sorrowfully.

"I'm sorry, ma'am," the Leader said solemnly. "But we've searched those hills high and low, and I'm afraid that your son is never coming back."

**_BLAM!_**

Leaves and branches suddenly went flying as, up on the hilltop, trees and branches were pushed aside as a small cardboard box flew through the air and over their heads. It came in for a landing, bouncing and bucking for a few feet before it headed straight for Moe, knocking him over and landing on top of him.

"Ow!" Moe shrieked.

A head full of yellow spikes came up and shifted around the opening on the box before a pair of eyes came up as well, followed by a pair of marble eyes in the head a stuffed tiger. Finally, Calvin came all the way out and looked around frantically before glaring at the tiger next to him.

"Oh don't give me that look! It was inevitable! I got us back, didn't I?!"

His companion offered no reply. He just sat there, looking innocently back.

"CALVIN!!" Mom cried, running over and scooping her child out of the box, hugging him tightly.

"Mom! Hey! Easy! I'm sore!"

But Mom wouldn't let go.

Dad walked over with a stern look on his face. "Calvin, do you have any idea what state your mother has been in since you've been away?" he demanded angrily.

"I missed you too, Dad," Calvin retorted.

The Search and Rescue Leader came over. "Calvin, are you okay?"

"Who the heck are you?"

"I'm with Search and Rescue, son. We've been looking for you."

Calvin glared. "Pah! Some Search and Rescue _you _turned out to be. For crying out loud, how long has it been? Two weeks?"

The Leader sighed heavily.

"Calvin, are you alright?" Mom asked frantically, checking her son over.

But Calvin wasn't paying attention to her. "Where are the aliens?" he asked, mostly to himself.

"What?"

"The aliens! They were following us! We ran out of fuel and landed here! They were gaining on us!"

Susie rolled her eyes. "And here I was thinking you'd be different if you ever came back," she said, shaking her head.

"Hey, shut up, Derkins! You weren't there! You don't know the evils! I faced! Now _where are they_?!"

Calvin waited and waited silently, and everyone was polite enough to stay quiet and listen.

But no one came.

Calvin sighed to himself. "This so totally figures," he muttered.

Then they heard the sound of the cabin door squeaking open. They all looked and saw someone coming out of the counselor cabin.

Calvin stared at him.

It was Rupert Chill in his human disguise.

Calvin stared at him in confusion. "Wait a minute… How did you? I mean, how did you get back here before we did?" he demanded.

"Calvin, what are you talking about?" Dad asked.

"That guy has been chasing Hobbes and me throughout the woods and on a spaceship, and he tried to torture us, and he has an alien crew who are a bunch of nimrods and…"

But he trailed off when he noticed that Rupert Chill was wearing his sunglasses.

"Take those off," he ordered.

"Excuse me, Calvin?" Rupert asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I SAID TAKE THE DANG SUNGLASSES OFF!"

Rupert glanced at everyone looking at him, shrugged and removed his sunglasses.

Normal human eyes awaited everyone underneath.

Calvin stared in a stupor. "Wait… I can figure this out."

Everyone rolled their eyes.

But Calvin was determined. "Those… You're not John Howard Chill…"

The man staring at Calvin looked around shiftily. "Of course I am, Calvin, how can you say that?"

"Because I can see the _real _John Chill coming up behind you."

Everyone looked around and stared in open shock.

Just as Calvin had said, the real John Howard Chill, looking very beaten and tired, but nonetheless alive, came stumbling up the pathway towards everyone, glaring at the fake Chill with an angry look in his eye.

"How did…? Calvin, how did you know?" Susie cried.

Calvin smirked. "Intuition," he said slyly.

Susie rolled her eyes.

"But if that's John Chill, who's that?" Dad asked, pointing at the imposter.

"Could it be…?" the S&R Leader asked, looking at some papers. He waved some other rescuers over to look, and they all nodded in agreement. "It _is _him!"

"It is who?" Mom asked.

"Rupert Chill!" Calvin said proudly.

"Get him!" the Leader shouted, and they all descended upon Rupert Chill, knocking him to the ground.

"GET OFF! GET OFF! I HAVE THE RIGHT AN ATTORNEY! I HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT! _I HAVE THE RIGHT TO KNOCK OFF A __SEVEN ELEVEN__ IF I SO WISH!_"

Everyone stared at the scuffle until finally Rupert Chill was handcuffed and brought up again.

The real John Howard Chill glared at him before addressing the crowd.

"Everyone, this is my twin brother, Rupert Chill. As you can see, he made some _very bad _choices in life, such as tying me up, stealing my uniform and locking me in a closet!" he said, yelling the last part at his brother.

"Yeah, so you caught me!" Rupert Chill grumbled. "Whatever. Throw me in _jail_, why don't you? We'll see what happens! I assure you I'll be released in no time!"

"Get in the car, Chill," the Leader muttered, shoving Rupert Chill over towards the police car.

Chill glared at them before he was shoved away.

Calvin, meanwhile, was putting his box back into his hypercube.

"Wow," Hobbes commented. "That was exciting. How do you figure it worked out?"

"Simple, really," Calvin said. "I suspect that the alien Rupert Chill abducted the human John Chill and posed as him, knowing that if he was ever caught, he could fall back on the human Rupert Chill and _he'd _be arrested for impersonating John Chill. It was only lucky and possibly through alien influence that Rupert came here and decided to try it."

"But John Chill said that he'd been locked in a closet."

"False memories most likely. In order to insure their plans were kept secret, the aliens decided to revise John and Rupert Chill's memories so they'd think that all of this happened. Rupert Chill didn't lock his brother in a closet. He only _thinks _he did."

"Possibly aided by the fact that it seems this human Rupert is a total spaz."

"Possibly, yes."

"So wait… That means that there are two Rupert Chills: one alien and one human."

"Correct."

"…How the heck…?"

"I don't know. It's a mystery for another day."

"Oh joy of joys."

Mom came over to Calvin. "Come on, Calvin, it's time to take you home," she said. "You probably need a bath."

Calvin groaned. "Oh _come on_," he complained.

But Mom grabbed his arm and took him to the car.

"We'll get you home, give you a bath, and then you can have dinner."

Dad started up the car as they got in. "You can have whatever you want for dinner," he said.

"Really? Anything?" Calvin asked.

"Sure. What do you want?"

"I have heard tell…of a dish called _haggis_…"

Mom and Dad groaned as they headed out of the Camp Pine limits.

But they were all unaware that just a distance behind them, watching them from one of the cabins, were Rupert and Earl, watching them angrily.

* * *

Much to Calvin's horror, Mom and Dad declined for an interview on the local news station. This may of had something to do with the fact that Calvin was holding to his story that he was attacked by aliens trying to take over the world.

Calvin got a short little article written about him in the local newspaper, which he proudly hung on his wall as the continuation of his resume'.

After that little explosion of fame, everything settled down, and people in the town gradually stopped recognizing Calvin as 'the kid that got himself lost at summer camp.'

"Alright," Calvin said a few days after the whole ordeal was over. He was standing outside in the backyard with Hobbes, both wearing paper hats and Calvin was examining a crudely drawn map. "According to my calculations this entire summer camp experience has destroyed a entire two weeks of our lives, and therefore robbed us of one half of one third of our summer!"

Hobbes nodded.

"Therefore, we must cram all the nothing we can into the remaining two months, two weeks before I have to reenter the zombie filled hell known as school."

"Agreed." Hobbes saluted.

"Alright." Calvin held the map up and studied it closer. "According to the map, we must take exactly three hundred paces to the north east. Navigator Hobbes! Show to us the north east!"

Hobbes held up a compass and squinted at it.

"That way!" He said, pointing back towards the front door.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at the door.

"Well OK, let's just take three hundred paces into the forest," Calvin said, finally.

"Agreed." Hobbes said, again.

And with that, the duo set off into the forest with their map and a shovel.

For about a minute they walked deeper into the forest, evidently not traumatized at all from what had happened to them, all the while counting as they walked.

"...sixty five, sixty six, sixty seven, sixty eight, sixty eight...." Calvin counted.

"Wait a minute," Hobbes said, stopping. "You counted sixty eight twice."

Calvin glared at him.

"No I didn't." He said. "What makes you think that?"

"Because you did."

"Why would I count sixty eight twice?" Calvin demanded.

"Maybe because you weren't paying attention," Hobbes said, stiffly, crossing his arms.

"Nonsense! I'm always paying attention. It's one of the things I do best! So you still don't have a viable reason on why I supposedly counted sixty seven twice."

"Sixty eight."

"What?"

Hobbes heaved a deep sigh.

"Hobbes I get the feeling you're getting impatient." Calvin said. "Why? Do you have some kind of important item of business to attend to? Do you need to have video conferences with some of the world's leaders in a few minutes? Do you have to go write an epic graphic novel? How many bombs do you have to go and defuse?"

"Alright fine, you only counted it once!" Hobbes moaned. "For God's sake."

"Better, now we can proceed with the proceedings." Calvin said turning around.

"...Sixty eight," He said, taking a step forward.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

Suddenly, before Calvin could take another step, two darkened figures appeared out of the overgrowth, and started towards them.

Calvin and Hobbes froze.

Stepping into the sunlight, Rupert and Earl glared furiously at Calvin and Hobbes, aiming their ray guns at them. Their tentacles were shaking from anger.

"Oh, hi, Rupert." Calvin said, causally. "What's up?"

"You almost destroyed our entire plan, Earth Potentate!" Rupert growled, dangerously.

"I'm not the Earth Potentate," Calvin sighed.

"Shut up!" Earl spat.

Calvin shrugged.

"I'm not! I mean I can see why you would think I am, but really, why would you believe a couple of aliens that don't even have arms?" He asked. "What do you think Hobbes?"

Calvin turned to Hobbes. He was frozen with fear and staring at Rupert and Earl with wide eyes.

"Eep." He squeaked.

"There you see?" Calvin said, turning back to the aliens.

Rupert bent down so that he was down to Calvin's eye level and narrowed his eyes at him.

"Calvin, you can't talk us out of us believing who you are. We got the documents confirming it."

"Where'd you get the documents?" Calvin asked.

"Galaxoid gave them to us," Rupert said.

Calvin closed his eyes.

"And even if you aren't the Earth Potentate, you still need to be destroyed because you know our plan and therefore are a danger to it."

Calvin shrugged.

"I'm going to kill you, Calvin," Rupert said, slowly. "Then I'm going to kill the president of the United States, then I'm going to kill the leaders of all the other countries, then I'm going to go down each level of the government and kill them, too. Governors, lawmakers, political satirists. Then with the world left in shambles, I will send my army in to destroy every living being on this planet."

"Dark," Calvin nodded. "However, you have forgotten to take one formidable force into consideration."

Rupert and Earl stared at Calvin.

"What? You?" Earl chuckled.

Rupert and Earl started laughing at the thought.

Calvin remained silent and waited for them to stop.

"Nope," he said, finally. "This."

And with that, Calvin pulled a red CD player out of his pocket and pressed the PLAY button.

_KABOOM!!!!_

An explosion of electricty and fire shot from the tip of the CD player engulfing Rupert and Earl and sending them flying backwards.

"AAAAUGH!!!" They both screamed, falling into a heap onto the ground.

Charred and confused, Rupert aimed his ray gun at Calvin and attempted to fire.

Calvin pressed the button, again.

_KABOOM!!_

"AAAUGH!!"

Once again, Rupert and Earl were flung a good ten feet away from Calvin as the blast enveloped them.

Calvin pressed the button, again.

_KABOOM!!!_

_KABOOM!!_

_KABOOM!!_

Rupert, now pressed against a tree several hundred feet away from where he had been, before, glared at Calvin through his compound, yellow eyes, as he approached him.

"I'll be back," He whispered, threateningly.

"Of course you will," Calvin said, simply. "And because the FCC requires me to say it, I'll be ready."

And with that, Calvin pushed another button on the CD player.

There was another blast of electricity, however, this one was a teleporter.

There was bright flash of light, and Rupert and Earl vanished from where they lie.

Calvin and Hobbes stared at the ground, from where they had been for a while. Then Hobbes turned to Calvin.

"So, what does that do?" He asked, finally.

Calvin looked at the CD player in his hands.

"Oh, this? It's a prototype for my latest invention! I call it the MTM!" He said, proudly.

"Fascinating." Hobbes considered. "What does MTM stand for?"

"I haven't decided, yet," Calvin said. "So, what number were we on?"

"Sixty eight, I think." Hobbes said, scratching his head.

"Ah, yes, now I remember!" Calvin said, snapping his fingers. "Let's resume! Sixty eight..... sixty nine.... seventy.... seventy one...."

* * *

Later that night, Calvin and Hobbes were preparing for bed. It had indeed been a long day. They had defeated a couple of freak aliens, dug up a treasure of rocks and sticks, held a G.R.O.S.S. reunion meeting, thrown a water balloon at Susie, searched for monsters in the basement with a baseball bat, read comic books underneath the big maple tree at the top of Sneer Hill, rode down Sneer Hill in the wagon and falling off a cliff in the process, attempted to trick Mom into giving them the keys to the car and fetched a Tyrannosaurus egg from the Cretaceous period only to return it, deciding that Mom probably wouldn't allow them to keep a pet.

Calvin and Hobbes crawled into bed and pulled the covers up to their heads.

"Well Hobbes, it's certainly been an eventful summer so far." Calvin said, fluffing his pillow up and lying down.

"Indeed it has," Hobbes nodded.

"What do you suppose the future shall hold?" Calvin asked.

Hobbes thought for a moment.

"Who knows? I heard that this kid moved into that old mansion down the street, last week. I hear he has a tiger!" He grinned. "Hopefully one of those cute tigris babes we saw on the April issue of National Geographic."

"Huh," Calvin said, rolling onto his back. "Interesting, I heard another kid moved in, recently, too. I won't be seeing him in school, though, because he's supposedly home schooled. I think his name is Andy."

Calvin and Hobbes lied silent in their bed for a moment, staring at the ceiling in thought.

"Do you think Rupert and Earl will ever come back?" Hobbes asked, turning to Calvin.

"Probably. He said he would." Calvin shrugged. "But I don't think we should really worry about that."

"Why?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin chuckled.

"Because, as long as I'm here and living, good ol' Mr President can rest assured that he's safe and sound." He said matter-of-factly.

And with that, Calvin and Hobbes fell asleep, wondering what adventures awaited them in the weeks to come.

* * *

"HA HA!!" A tall man screamed with delight, leaping around his underground laboratory with glee. He had wild green hair that stuck straight up as if he had been electrocuted. He had electric blue eyes, and was wearing a lab coat over his black T-shirt. "At long last! I have finished work on my deadly ROBOT SLAVE!!!"

The man rushed over to a work table where a tall silver robot was lying. He had a long pointy nose, and segmented legs. His eyes were closed.

"As soon as he finishes charging I will have a robotic servant that will tend to my every evil whim! And once that happens, I can send him into the government so that I can TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!"

And with that, he threw his hands into the air and laughed, hysterically.

"BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!"

Suddenly, a sound that sounded very much like a microwave beep sounded throughout the lab.

"AH HA!" The man screamed. "He's done!!"

He turned back to the table and watched the robot intently, rubbing his hands together with anticipation.

Suddenly, the robot's eyes opened.

"HA HA!!" The man screamed. "RISE ROBOT! RISE FROM YOUR SLUMBER!! I am your creator, Dr Franklin Jackson Brainstorm! You will refer to me as Dr Brainstorm! I will name you after my middle name so that all shall fear you forever! YOU WILL NOW OBEY ME AND SPEAK YOUR FIRST WORDS!!!!! WORDS THAT WILL RING OUT THROUGH HUMANITY FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY!!"

Jack stared at Brainstorm for a long throbbing moment.

Finally he spoke.

"All of the people that could have invented me, and I got this nut whack," He sighed, heavily.

Brainstorm stared at Jack in confusion.

"Hmm, I was expecting kind of a raspy death voice, but I guess this will do." He shrugged. "Now, go destroy the government!"

Jack sat up.

"Nah, I'm not really in the mood," He said, stepping off the table. "I'm going to see what's on TV. I can help myself to the refrigerator, right, Frank?"

And with that, the robot left Brainstorm standing there, dumbfounded.

Finally, he turned back towards the direction from which Jack had walked off.

"_**DOCTOR BRAINSTORM!!!!!**_" He screamed at the top of his lungs.

**The End**


	18. Bonus Chapter

**BONUS CHAPTER**

**Credits**

**Chapters 1-12:** Written by Swing123  
**Chapter 13:** Written by Swing123 and Garfieldodie  
**Chapter 14:** Written by Swing123  
**Chapter 15: **Written by Garfieldodie  
**Chapter 16:** Written by Swing123  
**Chapter 17: **Written by Garfieldodie  
**Epilogue: **Written by Swing123

**Voice work**

**Pamela Segal Adlon** - Calvin / Spaceman Spiff  
**Tom Hanks** - Hobbes / Erne / Alex  
**EG Daily **- Moe  
**Jennifer Love Hewitt **- Mom  
**Bill Murray - **Dad / Galaxoid / Lace / Biff / Tracer Bullet / Stupendous Man  
**Dakota Fanning - **Susie  
**Eric Roberts - **Rupert Chill  
**Tom Kenny - **Earl / Nebular / Lenny / Jay  
**Jim Carrey - **Dave / Human Rupert Chill  
**Ryan Stiles - **Carl  
**Colin Mochrie - **Alfred / Luke  
**French Stewart - **Bob / Zack / John Chill  
**Ben Stine - **Bill  
**Neil Crone - **Dr Brainstorm  
**Michael Brandon **- Jack  
**Robin Williams - **Search and Rescue Officer  
**Dee Bradley Baker **- Various voice work

**Major differences between original Calvin and Hobbes movie and the rewritten version**

**1) **In the original story, "potentate" is spelled "potent"  
**2) **In the original story, the author repeatedly goes into several weird spasms, especially noticeable in the chapter "Technical Difficulties"  
**3)** In the original story, Earl's crew are actually smart, deadly and know what they're doing.  
**4) **In the original story, Calvin's alter egos are brought to life through some random weapon that just happened to by lying on the ground in one of the rooms.  
**5)** In the original story, Hobbes is transformed by the aliens into a stuffed animal in front of Calvin. Upon transforming back into a regular tiger, there is a pathetic attempt to open a mystery on why it happened in the first place.  
**6)** In the original story, the alien Rupert is taken to jail as opposed to the human Rupert.  
**7)** In the original story, Earl does not have a name, and refers to Rupert as "Master".  
**8)** At the end, Calvin spontaneously generates a guitar out of thin air and uses it as a laser to zap aliens while he rips off the Spongebob movie and improvises some random song about himself.  
**9) **The true difference, one may notice though, is in the very writing itself.

**Excerpt from the original CALVIN AND HOBBES: THE MOVIE  
**

Over a billion aliens burst into the room.

They all surrounded Calvin and Hobbes.

Calvin searched their faces.

YIKES!

It looked like they hadn't come to wish him happy birthday.

One of the aliens opened it's slimy mouth and said; "you have taunted us enough Earth Potentate! You have ruined all our plans since the beginning! NOW YOU WILL PAY!"

Hobbes, who had had enough of the aliens, backed away while growling a warning to them.

The aliens ignored him. They were closing in on Calvin.

Calvin looked around frantically.

His eyes fell on a small device on the desk. A label with "brain blast" was spread across it.

Calvin dived for it.

The aliens dived for Calvin.

Hobbes stood in the middle of the room, unsure of what to do.

Billions of tentacles wrapped around Calvin as Calvin grabbed the device, and pulled the trigger.

BOOM!

All the aliens were shot backward.

Hobbes covered his face as a blast of blinding light filled the room.

Calvin stood up, looking energized.

He turned to Hobbes.

"That was cool." he said to the tiger.

Hobbes wasn't looking at Calvin. He was looking at the shadowy figures that were emerging from the wreckage.

It wasn't Galixoid and Nebular.

It wasn't any of the aliens.

It wasn't John Chill either.

**Chapters**

**Original  
**

**1) **Summer Camp  
**2) **John Chill  
**3) **The Deadly Bush  
**4) **The Attack of the Water Balloons  
**5) **Bugeyed Aliens from Zok!  
**6) **The Attack  
**7) **The Return of G and N  
**8) **Technical Difficulties  
**9) **HE'S AN ALIEN  
**10) **Back to Camp Pine  
**11) **Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jog  
**12) **BONUS!

**Rewritten**

**1) **Summer Nightmare**  
****2) **Runaway Tiger  
**3) **Camp Pine  
**4) **Camp Activities  
**5) **The Invasion**  
****6) **Marooned  
**7) **Campsite  
**8)** Lost Civilization  
**9) **Underground Passageway  
**10) **The Earth Potentate  
**11) **Surveillance Activity  
**12) **Pirate Radio  
**13) **Rupert Chill  
**14) **The Plan  
**15) **Resignations  
**16) **The Escape  
**17) **MTM  
**18) **Bonus Chapter

**Soundtrack**

**Big Time - Peter Gabriel **_Opening Credits / Calvin's theme_  
**Shine Through - Simon Collins **_Hobbes' theme_  
**Alien Nation - Scorpions **_Rupert and Earl's theme_  
**Who Dunnit? - Genesis **_Earl's crew's theme_  
**Planet Telex - Radiohead **_Camp Activities_  
**Numb - Linkin Park **_The Aliens attacking_  
**Square One - Coldplay **_Lost in the mountains_  
**The Howling - Within Temptation **_Attacked in the underground passageway_  
**Monster, Monster - David Rhodes **_Captured by the aliens_  
**Accelerate - R.E.M. **_Escaping from the cells_  
**U-Catastrophe - Simon Collins **_Escaping the ship_  
**Solsbury Hill - Peter Gabriel **_Return to Camp Pine_  
**Around the Sun - R.E.M.**_Closing Credits_  
**Down to Earth - Peter Gabriel **_Closing Credits_  
**Fast Forward the Future - Simon Collins **_Closing Credits_  
**Keep Your Mind Wide Open - AnnaSophia Robb **_Closing Credits_

**Official Guide to the Royal Zokian Army Crew**

**Rupert:** King of Zok. Usually angry.  
**Earl: **Second in Command. Ship Captain. Also usually angry.  
**Lenny: **Chief Navigator. Only one who knows how to work the steering wheel.  
**Dave: **Intelligence Officer. Only one allowed to touch any of the expensive equipment.  
**Zack: **Chief General. Stays out of the way.  
**Carl: **Lead Negotiator. Says what people tell him to say.  
**Bill: **Reference desk. No one knows what Bill does.  
**Tim: **Chief Planner. Comes up with inventive ideas. All of which are rejected.  
**Danny: **Communicator. Knows how to carry a conversation.  
**Erne: **Experimenter. Regularly gets injured.  
**Alex: **Additional Reference. He's there in case someone else ends up killing themselves.  
**Lace: **First Mate. Does whatever Earl tells him to do.  
**Biff: **Planetary Cultural Reference. Watches a lot of TV.  
**Jay: **Nothing yet for Jay.  
**Alfred: **Inventory Specialist. Lets everyone know when the Cheetos have run out.  
**Luke: **Mechanical engineer. Regularly breaks things.


End file.
